Advice on planning on a 2nd baby

bcnoelle · December 2011

Hello ladies! I thought this board may be a good place to ask your advice. I'm 33 and have an incredible 8 month old DS. I always wanted to wait about 3 years before having another baby. Now I am concerned that I may have trouble TTC or I may just feel as though our life has begun to feel calm and settled. I'm also concerned that I will just feel plain tired or delay retirement in the future. We have many friends who haven't had children yet, although they plan to do so. So at least I know that I will have a group of friends who should be going through the baby stage in the future. Any advice? I look at the two under two board sometimes and am not sure I could juggle that very well with my work.

bcnoelle · December 2011

Just read 'torn about going for #2' below, which was helpful. Any additional advice appreciated!

BrideBuddies · December 2011

You're only 33!!! Don't go ordering the rocking chair just yet, woman!

I guess the big question to ask yourself is... if you don't try for #2, will you regret that decision and always wish you'd at least tried?

Don't talk yourself out of something before you even attempt it.

stever · December 2011

BrideBuddies:
You're only 33!!! Don't go ordering the rocking chair just yet, woman!

I guess the big question to ask yourself is... if you don't try for #2, will you regret that decision and always wish you'd at least tried?

Don't talk yourself out of something before you even attempt it.

All of this. Good luck with whatever you decide!

bcnoelle · December 2011

Thanks for the encouragement. I guess because my 1st pregnancy was so rough on me, I just am unsure of waiting too long to attempt to go through it again.

NewMrs07 · December 2011

I think you can easily wait 3 yrs and then have #2. That's not going to affect retirement much, just keep saving as much as you can in the meantime. But if you're concerned about trouble TTC, then have the 2nd sooner. There's really no way to know how fast you'll get pg unless you try. I had my first at 39 but it took us a yr to get pregnant. Now I want #2 and I'm not sure it's going to happen at 41. Good luck with your decision!

JilliansMoma · December 2011

Keep in mind that every pregnancy is different. I had a much smoother time with DD #2. I agree with PP if you would regret not trying for #2 then you have your answer. I remember the first night in the hospital with #2 (as I was up a million times) thinking to myself why did I do this again!?! That thought went away really quick and N is the greatest baby! Plus it is so worth it to see J interact with her and her response to her sister is awesome. Nobody can make N laugh like her sister can!

GL,

JM

buskey2011 · December 2011

im 35 well in less than 2 weeks anyways! just had ds in oct and we will try for #2 when he is a year because of the unexplained infertility and Im high risk and my dh is 4 yrs older than me. The way look at it we will try and if it meant to be it will happen if not we were blessed with a miracle. Don't go by what your friends are doing or where they are in their life decide what is best for you and your little family because tommrow is not promised to noone.

BeachBum73 · December 2011

I had my first at 31 (after 6 months of TTC) and my second at 37 (after 1 month of TTC). I was worried about how long it would take to get pregnant and obviously it didn't take long. The fact is, you won't know until you try. My kids are 6 years apart so we were definitely starting over with night wakings, diapers, etc but it hasn't been bad and it feels like we got back into a routine a lot faster the 2nd time around.

robynlesley · December 2011

A) You're only 33

Maybe only wait 2 year? Your LO Is only 8 months old. I think you still have time to wait here.

C) Don't borrow trouble. You have no idea what the future holds.

I read somewhere that it is "ideal" to give your body 18 months between pregnancies (at least). So if someone began TTC when LO #1 was 18 months and got pregnant the 1st cycle, the two children would be around 2-1/4 years apart. No 2-under-2. And waiting until LO#1 is around 2, you may have children around 3 years apart -- which seems pretty good to me.

Give it time. You are so young. I didn't even get married until I was 38 (got pregnant that same year) and had DS at 39. Yeah, I'm tired, but having him won't delay anything.

jessandandy09 · December 2011

My first round of parenting (at 20 and 22) was wonderful. My children were 2 years and 3 months apart (unplanned) and I worked full time. I would recommend the closeness in age after my experience. I am sure this varies tho! I am now having baby number 3 ( at age35 and unplanned again!) I feel very much like if I am going to have one, I would like to have two to raise together baised on my first experience. yes it is exhausting to have two little ones, but from my experience with older children and watching my friend (children are 6 years apart) its exhausting having an infant and running around with an older child to school functions, sporting events, friends parties etc....

all in all, I would say you know deep down what sounds best to you in your heart and head. Trust yourself :-)

Punter2009 · December 2011

bcnoelle:
Thanks for the encouragement. I guess because my 1st pregnancy was so rough on me, I just am unsure of waiting too long to attempt to go through it again.

Every pregnancy is different. My 3rd pregnancy at 38yo was the best and easiest so far and I had a 2yo toddler son to contend with.

The birth was much faster and easier too (I didnt even know her head had come out , and i only pushed once for her body to come out) where as DS was a nightmare birth.

Also I had worried how would i cope with 2 littlies, and its been fine. Very busy but wonderful.

I want to go back for another!

surprise3rd · December 2011

I had my first two at 30 and 32. The first was planned, the second was a surprise. We knew we wanted a second, but not that close together, (24 months...I had 2 under 2 for 3 days!) we had planned on waiting three years. Now that they are 4 & 6, I am absolutely thrilled with how everything worked out. They are totally buddies, keep each other occupied, etc. The baby years are somewhat blurry, but we all survived.

We planned on being done, and were really kind of excited about being on the 'young' side when we had our children, they would both be out of highschool by 50, etc. ...HA HA HA....we had an IUD failure and at 37 we are expecting our third. I will be 38 when I have the baby. Two of my three children were the result of birth control failures, so you can plan all you want, but if there is another plan out there for you, well, sometimes things are out of control. If you want to have them close together to be playmates/buddies, I would recommend 2-3 years apart. And every pregnancy is different.

Good luck with your decision.

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