Talking with DH about getting an SA

tennisanddance · December 2011

I went for my annual about two months ago and she gave me an SA kit for DH and suggested that he do it soon, and depending on the results that she would start testing with me. We talked a little and I told her that at that point we were not in a hurry to get testing done and that we wanted to wait. DH and I had discussed that he would get it done if the last cycle was not successful. Once I started CD1 of my new cycle, he changed his mind. He finds it too embarrassing which I completely understand. My plan was to let him do it on his own time, however, I just talked with my OB again and if there is an issue with either of us then there is a two month wait to see the RE that they refer to. I have very regular cycles since we started and ovulate around the same time each cycle, etc so they really want my DH to get an SA before they will do anything further with me. I plan on talking with DH again tonight. Any suggestions from those who have had this conversation before? Things to say and things to not say? TIA!

heather_09_15_07 · December 2011

My DH never needed to get an SA, but I had lots of testing done. I'd maybe remind him of the fact that all the testing you have to get done is pretty invasive (u/s's, bloodwork, etc) and an SA is easy-peasy and can be done in the privacy of your own home. It's also way cheaper.

Wouldn't he rather do that than have you go through all that testing?

LooneyLife · December 2011

DH went to the urologist on his own and got the cup. That was maybe 2 months ago and he still hasn't done it. He mentions it occasionally but just doesn't take it. I know he will eventually, so I'm not pushing. I know he's afraid to find out something is "wrong" with him. But he'll go when he's ready. Of course, we're only on month 8. Once we hit that year mark, I might be pushing harder.

Temp878586125009588 · December 2011

MH was the same way, but eventually after talking some and bringing up some concerns he made the decision to do it when he was ready. We just made sure that we kept the communication open about our concerns with not getting pregnant. I was the same way, regular cycles, O'ed the same time every month. MH was fine with it and he was actually "impressed" with himself after he got the results from his SA. I just had to be patience with him and understand that it can be embarrassing for him. He did find it easier that he was allowed to do it at home and then drop the sample off. My advice, don't pressure him, have some patience, and keep the communication open, and share with him the types of tests you'll have to go through too. HTH.

emeredith10206 · December 2011

Well I had a bit of a problem getting my DH to do this as well and it turns out the problem was him- and it was a relatively easy fix. I am not sure how your husband is about money but I convinced mine based on cost. A SA is very cheap and a lot of the testing they will do one you is quite pricey and insurance may or may not pick it up (a lot of insurance plans consider fertility issue to be "elective."- which I think is a crock!) Anyway- I told him it was cheap, and I would help him and take it back to the office- he didnt have to be a part of it- other than depositing the specimen. Well- it worked. Good luck to you! Sometimes they just need a little time and some gentle nudging!

KarBear · December 2011

Take your DH to one of your appointments and he'll see all the touching and prodding you get done

Seriously, though, DH did this a couple day ago, and it was NBD. Are you sure it's just the SA that he's putting off and not something else, like a baby?

gplove94 · December 2011

emeredith10206:
Well I had a bit of a problem getting my DH to do this as well and it turns out the problem was him- and it was a relatively easy fix. I am not sure how your husband is about money but I convinced mine based on cost. A SA is very cheap and a lot of the testing they will do one you is quite pricey and insurance may or may not pick it up (a lot of insurance plans consider fertility issue to be "elective."- which I think is a crock!) Anyway- I told him it was cheap, and I would help him and take it back to the office- he didnt have to be a part of it- other than depositing the specimen. Well- it worked. Good luck to you! Sometimes they just need a little time and some gentle nudging!

Do you mind sharing what needed to be done to fix the problem?

tennisanddance · December 2011

Thanks ladies. I agree that I do not want to push him to do it and he will do it when he is ready. Last time we discussed this, I did tell him that his test was the easiest to get done and explained some of the tests that I would have to do if I was testing. He understood but is still hesistant to go. He is a very optimistic person and still believes that there cannot be anything wrong and that we just need to give it more time. For our sake I hope that there is nothing wrong bc our insurance does not cover anything past infertility testing.

vanillajen · December 2011

My DH recently has to do a SA and I was pretty nervous about telling him about it, but everything went really well! When I told him that my Dr. said he needed one, I just tried to be really sensitive and positive about it. We talked about how TTC is a team effort between the two of us and if we both are seriously wanting to have a baby then we both need to be willing to do what it takes to get things figured out. I also told him that he could pick how he wanted to do things. We took the kit home but you could bring it to the office and do it there, so I let him choose whether he wanted to do it there or at home and if he wanted me involved or not. I think that helped so he felt like he still had some control over things. After we turned it in I just made sure to be really sweet to him, i.e. made him his favorite dinner, gave him a back rub, etc. and just tried to support him. I also didn't push talking about things either. GL to you! I hope things go well!

tennisanddance · December 2011

KarBear:

Take your DH to one of your appointments and he'll see all the touching and prodding you get done

Seriously, though, DH did this a couple day ago, and it was NBD. Are you sure it's just the SA that he's putting off and not something else, like a baby?

Are you implying that bc a man is nervous about giving a sample that he doesn't want a baby? I can assure you that is not the case.

LovestruckAJ · December 2011

MH is going for his SA tomorrow. He was actually pretty open to it. (well, he did miss his original appt a month ago due to work, & looking back in retrospect, I'm a little suspicious now). lol.

We have the same issue. Our insurance will only cover 50% of expenses once it's dubbed infertility. Even with that coverage, it's pricey & more than we could do right now. An SA, however, is the last test we can do that is covered.

I agree, just let him know that the tests you'll have to undergo are pricey, invasive, & painful. This is the only test he will have to do. He has a good attitude about it, & he may be right! There may be nothing wrong! but if he wants you to share this same peace of mind, he should take one for the team & do this for you.

KristieM1985 · December 2011

heather_09_15_07:
My DH never needed to get an SA, but I had lots of testing done. I'd maybe remind him of the fact that all the testing you have to get done is pretty invasive (u/s's, bloodwork, etc) and an SA is easy-peasy and can be done in the privacy of your own home. It's also way cheaper.

Wouldn't he rather do that than have you go through all that testing?

This. My DH is just got a doctors note to get an SA and this is how I explained it to him. There is basically only one test that he has to do and if that is fine then there are a ton of tests that could possibly have to be done on me.

emeredith10206 · December 2011

dinine:

emeredith10206:
Well I had a bit of a problem getting my DH to do this as well and it turns out the problem was him- and it was a relatively easy fix. I am not sure how your husband is about money but I convinced mine based on cost. A SA is very cheap and a lot of the testing they will do one you is quite pricey and insurance may or may not pick it up (a lot of insurance plans consider fertility issue to be "elective."- which I think is a crock!) Anyway- I told him it was cheap, and I would help him and take it back to the office- he didnt have to be a part of it- other than depositing the specimen. Well- it worked. Good luck to you! Sometimes they just need a little time and some gentle nudging!

Do you mind sharing what needed to be done to fix the problem?

Not at all! He had a vericocele. It is a distended vein in the testicle that caused the sperm to be "cooked" as they passed through the spermatic duct. The testicles are suposed to be roughly 3 degrees cooler in temperature than the rest of the body. Thus the reason for the "hanging" down. A varicocele keeps them the same temp as the body and leads to sperm being mal-formed. He had an out patient surgical procedure to cut off the blood flow to this particular vein. It was relatively simple- minimal pain and recovery time. Know one even knew he had it done (had it on a friday and was back to work monday) 2 months later he had a normal SA. A month after that we concieved our son. We are now working on #2. It took us almost 2 years to concieve #1, but we didnt have him checked until a year and a half into it- and a lot of heart ache! Share my story with him- maybe that will encourage him a little as well. GL.

gplove94 · December 2011

emeredith10206:
dinine:

emeredith10206:
Well I had a bit of a problem getting my DH to do this as well and it turns out the problem was him- and it was a relatively easy fix. I am not sure how your husband is about money but I convinced mine based on cost. A SA is very cheap and a lot of the testing they will do one you is quite pricey and insurance may or may not pick it up (a lot of insurance plans consider fertility issue to be "elective."- which I think is a crock!) Anyway- I told him it was cheap, and I would help him and take it back to the office- he didnt have to be a part of it- other than depositing the specimen. Well- it worked. Good luck to you! Sometimes they just need a little time and some gentle nudging!

Do you mind sharing what needed to be done to fix the problem?

Not at all! He had a vericocele. It is a distended vein in the testicle that caused the sperm to be "cooked" as they passed through the spermatic duct. The testicles are suposed to be roughly 3 degrees cooler in temperature than the rest of the body. Thus the reason for the "hanging" down. A varicocele keeps them the same temp as the body and leads to sperm being mal-formed. He had an out patient surgical procedure to cut off the blood flow to this particular vein. It was relatively simple- minimal pain and recovery time. Know one even knew he had it done (had it on a friday and was back to work monday) 2 months later he had a normal SA. A month after that we concieved our son. We are now working on #2. It took us almost 2 years to concieve #1, but we didnt have him checked until a year and a half into it- and a lot of heart ache! Share my story with him- maybe that will encourage him a little as well. GL.

I'm glad I asked. That's really interesting info! Thanks for sharing. Good luck w/ #2.

emeredith10206 · December 2011

Also to address the cost and so on. The procedure my husband had was covered under our insurance. It was not considered a fertility treatment. So that is something to consider as well. Not saying that this is the problem all the time when a man has an abnormal SA, but my MD told me that 80% of male infertility is do to this problem. Not sure if that stat is accurate or if my doc was just trying to make me feel better!

DivaBud · December 2011

I agree with all the PP... If you just talk to him straight up about him, he should be ok. Most fertility clinics start off by doing an SA while doing blood work on the woman. It just makes sense to rule out any issues on his side. If there is, in fact, an issue, you can try an find a solution before turning yourself into a lab rat. GL!

blonddnyc · December 2011

vanillajen:
My DH recently has to do a SA and I was pretty nervous about telling him about it, but everything went really well! When I told him that my Dr. said he needed one, I just tried to be really sensitive and positive about it. We talked about how TTC is a team effort between the two of us and if we both are seriously wanting to have a baby then we both need to be willing to do what it takes to get things figured out. I also told him that he could pick how he wanted to do things. We took the kit home but you could bring it to the office and do it there, so I let him choose whether he wanted to do it there or at home and if he wanted me involved or not. I think that helped so he felt like he still had some control over things. After we turned it in I just made sure to be really sweet to him, i.e. made him his favorite dinner, gave him a back rub, etc. and just tried to support him. I also didn't push talking about things either. GL to you! I hope things go well!

I agree with everything you wrote!!

Guys can be such babies sometimes... but a man who thinks hes ready to step up to being a father better d*mn sure be ready to do a SA!

Mrs.Slick · December 2011

SA's not very invasive compared to most tests that you would potentially have to undergo and relatively cheap compared to some also.

If it's an at home kit, he can do it at home and get it to the clinic within the time frame given - meaning you could gift him with some viewing material or help him out a little even (just no saliva or lube).

May I ask why you're getting testing done now?

tennisanddance · December 2011

Mrs.Slick:
SA's not very invasive compared to most tests that you would potentially have to undergo and relatively cheap compared to some also.
If it's an at home kit, he can do it at home and get it to the clinic within the time frame given - meaning you could gift him with some viewing material or help him out a little even (just no saliva or lube).
May I ask why you're getting testing done now?

Well my OB suggested that we go ahead and do an SA and that I have bloodwork if his SA comes out okay. After that point, they will put in a referral and it is about a 2 month wait so that would put us at 12 cycles about. I have been very regular with both my cycle and ovulation time and every cycle we have had great timing so they really urged me today to have him get an SA done.

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