I hope this is not rude to ask

Re: I hope this is not rude to ask

• leapgirl8 member

  December 2011

  I don't think there are any active posters on this board who used a surrogate. 

  

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• melissajo2011

  December 2011

  I don't know from experience, but I do have a little bit of background on surrogacy for you (mainly from a legal perspective, bc I did research on it for a first-year law school class).

  Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. If you were to decide to do this (which would be a huge gift), both you and the parents-to-be need to speak with a lawyer who knows about family law and can protect both sides, and especially the baby.

  There are two kinds. In a traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is inseminated with the father's sperm, so the baby is genetically related to each. This means that the second (unrelated) parent will have to adopt the baby after birth, and the surrogate retains maternal rights to the baby until that occurs. In other words, she can change her mind and refuse to give up the baby after it is born (regardless of a contract or anything else - in most, if not all states, a parent cannot give up rights to her child before it is born). The genetic father retains his rights, regardless.

  The second type of surrogacy involves IVF of an egg from a woman other than the surrogate, inseminated by the father-to-be. Since the baby is not genetically related to the surrogate, she may not have the same parental rights (this is probably determined by state. In Cali, I believe the surrogate is usually bound by the surrogacy contract and cannot refuse to give the baby to the biological father).

  Only you and your husband can know if it's something you are willing to and can do. I think there are a lot of emotional and practical issues that you should all (i.e., you, your husband, and the other couple) discuss before making a decision. We considered a known sperm donor when we were TTC, but there were so many problems. Some wanted too much of a role in the baby's life, another was a close friend of the family and we didn't want people to see him as "daddy" instead of DW. Many people didn't think they could be detached enough from a child they knew was a "sibling" to their own kids. I imagine surrogacy would bring up even more issues.

  As for the part about actually getting pregnant, most of us on this board HAVE been through IUI and/or IVF, as have the women on several other boards. If you get to that point, I think you'll be able to get lots of advice

  

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• ashnamanda

  December 2011

  I was a surro for my aunt about 3 years ago. What are you needing to know?

  Ashlee

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