Laying it all out there...

KBBH · December 2011

I haven't been on the board lately because my LO has been keeping me super busy and so much has been put on the back burner. Indifferent She is asleep now (between feedings) and I should be too...but this is part of why I am writing this post. I think it's time to lay it all out there and get some information back from my fellow November mommies. Feeling any of this, too?

I am tired. Beyond tired. I am more than exhausted. LO is feeding every 3-4 hours (sometimes needing a snack in between) and her party time is until about 2:30 a.m., when she will lay down finally and sleep about 3-4 hours. I shouldn't complain about that, but I'm exhausted.

I am totally neglecting myself. I do try to get a shower every day to feel human, but I haven't clipped my toenails for awhile, I often forget to shave, my eyebrows need to be plucked, I often forget to eat or eat on the run while going to feed her, etc., and I rarely take any "me" time anymore simply because I can't.

I cry a lot. My hormones are totally out of whack. I cry over stupid stuff. I cry when she cries. I cry when I think about how it's 10:22 P.M. and I would love to be in bed with my husband but I know "bedtimes" won't be established for quite awhile. I cry when I talk to my mom and my friends. I cry when DH and I talk about our LO and the future with her and all the amazing things we are going to do and share as a family. I'm a hormonal mess.

My back and muscles hurt. I had a 9 lb 8 oz baby girl. She's heavy. LOL. Plus, I'm recovering from my c section, so that is another thing.

I'm trying to breast feed and it's really not going well. LO has had 2 weight checks and at the first one, she lost from hospital d/c. I know that is to be expected. But she also lost at the one 3 days later. We are going back on Tuesday for another one and I'm nervous that the pediatrician is going to say that we need to do just formula. I think I have a supply issue...

All that said, I'm a mother. I have this beautiful, wonderful, amazing little one that I am now responsible for. She is unbelievable in every way...I adore her. She's cute, cuddly, makes the best faces, opens those beautiful eyes wide and looks right at me...it's surreal. But with that comes all the above, and I felt like I needed to vent that out. LOL.

Anyone?

2BMrs.Carter · December 2011

Im right there with you and my DS is 8 wks. Give yourself more time to feel normal. Caring for a newborn takes a LOT out of you. Plus recovering from a c-section is hard also. My LO had reflux, cries a lot and I have a toddler. It is extremely hard to get him settled enough to go to sleep. I thought I was losing it. It's gradually getting better. Im praying for the day the reflux os netter and he sleeps at least 4 hours straight at night. You will feel normal again soon.

Rachypierce · December 2011

You said that you rarely have time to eat or that you eat on the run, and also that you are breastfeeding. Your supply issue may just be that you're not eating enough food. I had that problem. I was so busy and a little depressed so eating was hard to fit in. As soon as I started eating a lot more and added fatty foods (healthy fats) we both felt much better. I'm in the same boat, crying all the time. I'm ready to feel "normal again". Hopefully soon

pandabear12178 · December 2011

I could have written the same thing except for having a heavy LO ( she was 5lbs 10 oz and is now 7.4 ) and a C section. Other then that, I am a FTM and I havnt slept for more then 2 hours straight since I had her. I also cry several times a day and have been wondering now that its been 4 weeks if I am experiencing PP depression or if its normal stress sleep deprived new mom syndrome. DH really hasnt been too helpful either which I myself had to vent about on here. Feels better knowing your not the only one going through a hard time. As wonderful as being a mommy is, I wouldnt trade it for the world, its a handful to say the least. Especially going through it alone most of the day. If you can have a family member watch LO for a few hours when you can and go get some rest, or like i did this week, go out and have some you time. I went and got my nails done, got a new pair of jeans and literaly just drove around because it was so nice to get out of the house. Even a long shower does wonders. I hear it gets better so keep looking up

And even though i am so stressed and tired I look at her and think about the fact shes already a month and I just absorb the moment of her being so little and still wanting to be close to me and it makes everything else seem insignificant.

smilelari · December 2011

Caring for a newborn is hard, no ifs ands or buts about it. The lack of sleep is the hardest part, IMO. The fuzzy, foggy feeling messes with you. Top priority is figuring out how to get more sleep for you. Try different sleep arrangements, enlist DH's help, whatever you need to do. Heck, try shifting your whole day later. Sleep those 4 hours at 2:30 and then see if you can get her down to sleep another 3 or 4. I get pretty normal sleep, and that's because LO sleeps like a champ if we bed share, so we bed share. Sleep is important!

Eating well is also important. Send DH out to get you some super easy to eat food. Some days even a sandwich can be too much work. Think more along the lines of protein bars and string cheese. Things that don't require utensils and can be eaten with 1 hand.

As for breastfeeding... Honestly I think breastfeeding is the hardest part of being a first time mom. The weight drop doesn't necessarily mean you have a supply issue. My LO was still dropping weight at 8 days old. One visit to a lactation consultant and we got the weight moving up without any formula. It wasn't a supply issue, it was a latch issue, so we fixed the latch issue (while supplementing with pumped milk) and LO started gaining. If BFing is important to you and if you haven't already, get in to see a lactation consultant ASAP. If you don't have a supply issue but LO isn't nursing effectively you may create a supply issue by not fixing the underlying problem.

gina2433 · December 2011

I'm sorry!! Hang in there lady it will get better.

KBBH · December 2011

thanks for the feedback. It makes me feel like I'm not the only one. We have been lucky and have help (moms are coming and tag teaming). My DH is awesome and has done so much to help me out. He takes LO so I can sleep when we can. He gives her her supplements if she needs them and we tag team on diaper changes. He even made me dinner tonight. Big Smile

It's just a lot going on and all of us learning one another. I have to say I'm fortunate and happy, but it doesn't change all of the overwhelming feelings we have.

JMack1117 · December 2011

Boy those first few weeks as a new mom are hard. Its such a life changing thing, and no one, with their endless advice and "just you wait's" can prepare you for it.

I remember writing a similar post when DD1 was a few weeks old. All I wanted was to sleep in my bed--but I spent every night on the couch or in the rocking chair. I was dealing with breastfeeding issues (I decided to stop, but that was a personal decision, which came with its own challenges) and I felt like I'd never feel human again. Oh, and I hated DH. Even though he was-and continues to be-a great dad and husband, he just bugged the hell out of me. He seemed to have it all in control while I was a fat, weepy, stressed out mess.

And then...it got better. DD1 started sleeping longer. I started showering, eating, and sleeping more. DH wasn't nearly as annoying. We went to lunch. I got my nails done. DD1 started smiling and cooing. We settled into a routine, and life became normal. You're not going through anything a lactation consultant, a few weeks and a good sandwich can't fix. Don't beat yourself up, and know that we've all been there, or will be there soon. Clearly, it gets better enough that lots of us even choose to do it again and have more kids!

beedawn · December 2011

I think we are all in the same boat right now. I see on your ticker that your LO is only about a week old so let me start by saying it gets better!! Our first week was rough, DS would wake every 2 hours and when I would go to put him back to sleep after feedings it took forever because he wanted to be awake and look around then when I thought he was asleep enough to put down in his bed he would wake right up. I would get him to sleep again and his paci would fall out. It was exhausting! I started making my house really bright during the day and would take him outside so he could establish night and day. It helped tremendously. I can't speak for the BF because I have FF from day one. Maybe try pumping to up your supply, or talk to a LC. You are not a failure by any means because your LO hasn't gained the weight back. My DS wasn't up to his birth weight at his 2 week appt but I know he is eating and getting what he needs so that is what matters. Don't stress out, we are all here for each other and can relate and you know we are all here to talk at all hours. Just remember that it might get worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better. Try to sleep when LO sleeps (I know it's annoying to hear but it really does make you feel 100 times better). Have DH take care of LO for a little while tomorrow and take the time to pluck your eyebrows and clip your toenails. Just spend a little time on yourself and you will feel better.

kclear · December 2011

you are not alone! DS is 3 weeks old now and it's been a difficult and amazing time so far. i was talking to DH last night and told him there have been so many times in the past few weeks where i have thought "i just can't do this" and that's scary...but it's the exhaustion talking and i know that. sometimes i look around at all the people with kids and think "how did all these people do it?". i talked to a woman from work a few days ago and she said it perfectly...she said "no one can prepare you for how hard it is" and that's 100% right.

i'm also forgetting to eat, i hardly get dressed anymore, my eyebrows are a complete mess...but taking care of DS is much more important right now. DH tells me I still look beautiful even though I feel awful and flabby and totally unkept. But i'll get through it...we all will

smilelari · December 2011

JMack1117:
Oh, and I hated DH. Even though he was-and continues to be-a great dad and husband, he just bugged the hell out of me. He seemed to have it all in control while I was a fat, weepy, stressed out mess.

there were lots of times in the first year that I hated DH. this just isn't a life altering thing for dads in the same way it is for moms, especially if you're BFing and I resented that he could continue on as usual while I spent hours chained either to a baby or a pump.

it's worth it though and I'm happy to be doing it again.

sarahjames9 · December 2011

smilelari:
JMack1117:
Oh, and I hated DH. Even though he was-and continues to be-a great dad and husband, he just bugged the hell out of me. He seemed to have it all in control while I was a fat, weepy, stressed out mess.
there were lots of times in the first year that I hated DH. this just isn't a life altering thing for dads in the same way it is for moms, especially if you're BFing and I resented that he could continue on as usual while I spent hours chained either to a baby or a pump.
it's worth it though and I'm happy to be doing it again.

That is me too. DH is so rested and he will even stay up late on the weekend and play a football video game. I get so mad, like how could you purposely not get sleep!? Do you know what I would give to be in bed right now!??? Uggh. If he weren't so helpful with my older son right now I might strangle him, lol!

ACAsomeday · December 2011

(typing one handed while nursing lol)

I am right there with you!! I have been doing better with the crying for the last couple of days, but I know its because DH has been home for the weekend.

My mom was telling me that recovering from surgery also has a lot of emotional repercussions (she had a mastectomy last year) and I believe she is right. Our body was cut open!! Thats not natural and I am inclined to believe that it has to take some kind of toll on the mind. Not to mention the stress of recovery while taking care of a newborn.

Most nights i get really weepy after dark, mostly because i get anxiety over knowing i wont be sleeping or resting. i am not good at naps during the day. I have to say though...we are bed sharing and since I have begun side nursing, LO sleeps WORLDS better. I got 5.5 hours out of him last night and I think its because the second he wimpers I feed him, rather than when I would get up, go to the rocking chair, nurse, change, etc. with side nursing he doesn't have a chance to get worked up and he goes back to sleep so much faster - sometimes while nursing. Its only been like this for 3 nights so maybe its coincidence, but i'm thinking i found a good thing here. we'll just slowly transition him to pack n play.

Hang in there and know that you're not alone!!!

shanniebananie · December 2011

Hugs,, tons of them. BFing is really a challenging thing to master. Ask to speak to a lactation consultant and ask her tp check your little one for a tongue tie. It's more common than you think.

NIKKILEW · December 2011

i feel the same way!!!! while i am pumping i start crying! i am watching a movie now and just started crying. i try to shower but it usually happens like at 1am it last about 7mins. hang in there girly!!!! it will get better soon! i hope.

SuzJune04 · December 2011

You'll feel so much better in a few more weeks...hang in there! I felt much the same way you do with my first LO.

Also, I had a difficult time with BFing with my first LO too. He had to go in for weight checks 2-3 times a week at the pediatrician's office until he regained his birth weight (at 5-6wks). I had plenty of BM, so that wasn't the issue. He was just a lazy, sleepy c-section baby. I had to really work hard to keep him awake to get a full belly at each nursing (rather than just snacks). Our pediatrician also had me give one ounce of high calorie formula in a bottle after each nursing session (easy food). My DS is now a skinny but busy and healthy 4yr old. Good luck!

adri77 · December 2011

First of all BIG HUGS to you!!!! And CONGRATS!! You are already a wonderful mother and doing a great job. I just want to let you know that everything you are feeling and experiencing is NORMAL. I went through all of what you are expressing, minus c-section recovery with DS1. Insert "hating H" instead of that, hahahaha!!!

Have you seen a LC? I know you are in my area.....I used this one :

https://www.amazingnewborn.com/

when I was having issues with DS2 and she REALLY got me on track and I ended up EBFing him for a year. She is in Skippack, right on 73 in town.

I also did a lot of crying,with each one of my kids too! It's good for us, get it out and cry as much as you need to!!!

As for the exhaustion, it also sadly just goes with the territory, but it DOES get better. Either she will start sleeping longer or you will just get used to this amount of sleep! I KNOW FTMs get so annoyed hearing this, but you REALLY need to sleep when she does. And maybe that is something you really only get with "hindsight" and having more children, b/c when you have other children, you CAN'T sleep when the baby does....but, please try to do it, sleep and rest will make everything feel better!!!! Good luck!!!

varkeyr · December 2011

Hang in there! Try pumping a bottle once a day and have your DH feed it to your LO so that you can eat, shower, pamper yourself or even rest. As for sleeping, a lot of times I take my LO to bed with me to nurse. It helps them to settle if there is that closeness. I also wear my baby. Try the Moby wrap or a sling. This gives you two hands to do stuff.Also added perk is that people give you space and don't shove their nose into baby, spreading germs and colds.

Trust me we have all been there or are there ourselves. So quick will they grow up and then you are looking back wondering where did the time go!. (Trust me my oldest is 16.) Feel free to let yourself go for a small time. (the nails, plucking, and shaving)

Zooropa10 · December 2011

Lots of hugs to you. I felt the same way for a few weeks. It helps so much just to hear that there are others who felt this way, and that it wasn't abnormal. Do you have any good friends who can come over an keep you company? It is so hard to get "me" time, I agree.

kelly2983 · December 2011

Just to echo the other moms, you are not alone!! And it does get better, I promise. For me, it was just a matter of figuring out what works for you & when to ask for help. Here are a few things that I found worked for me:

- The best advice I got - don't give up on breastfeeding on a bad day. Wait until the next day to make that decision. I always try to keep that in mind.

- Nipple Shield - OMG, this is single handedly the one thing that has given me sanity. I have large breasts & LO has a hard time getting a good latch and my nipples were so raw & sore that I was in agony....like the pain did not go away. Once I got the nipple shield, she latches on & BF isn't torture.

- Supplementing with formula - I'm a first time mom & not an expert by any means but supplementing even 1-2 feedings has made a world of difference. It gives me a break & gives DH a chance to wake up at 2am. Otherwise, pumping milk & letting DH wake up for the 2am feeding works wonders too (I'm still working on my supply).

- Ask for help. My mom came this weekend and it totally refreshed me. She loved holding the baby, changing her & feeding her & I basically spent the whole weekend pumping, laying around & letting my mom & DH do all the work. She would hand her off to me for breastfeeding but it was nice not having to "do it all".

- Take breaks. You need to take time to do something by yourself that you enjoy - for me, it's going to Target. Just make sure you get out of the house every now & then!!

- The bouncer seat - it is the only thing LO will sleep in & we put it in our bed and make sure it's vibrating. It's amazing & gives us both 2-3 hour stretches of sleep.

- Tell your husband how you feel & be honest. I held it all in until I had a breakdown & told him I resented him for sleeping during the night & being able to go to the gym after work & I needed more help from him. Ever since then he has been great & jumps up to feed LO in the middle of the night.

Good luck & I promise, once you find out what works for you, things get a lot easier!!

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