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ras26
member
Baby Girl #2 is on her way!
"mommy preferance" help!
ras26
member
DD is almost 6 weeks old and I'll admit that I'm pretty frustrated. While she sleeps pretty well by herself at night, during the day she wants to be held unless she's REALLY asleep...by me. My DH tries. He wants to help and wants to hold our baby. However, if she's not in a good mood, she cries. I've watched him hold her and he's not doing anything "wrong." I give her to him, and she screams, I take her back and she calms down. I try passing her off again, and she screams. She won't calm down with him at all.
This has resulted in two things. I resent that I can't even leave the house to walk the dog unless she is solidly asleep, and even then if she wakes up, he has a screaming baby until I get back. Forget any longer absence. He wants to help but is frustrated that he has no apparent ability to soothe her. I'm getting pretty bored of sitting on the couch while he gets to go for a run or play playstation (or do chores). I am running out of things on the internet to hold my attention all day long. :-( Any suggestions? I just don't know how to get her to "like him" better.
Baby Girl #2 is on her way!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "mommy preferance" help!
This may end up sounding cold and I really don't mean it to. I understand that it is frustrating for everyone involved. We had our own issues with this and I had a really hard time letting go enough.
He is her dad and they have to find their own rhythm. He will figure out what works for him and how to soothe her. It may not be easy, but the only way that it is going to happen is if you let it. It isn't like you are leaving her alone in her crib to cry. She is with her dad, who loves her. It is okay if she cries, because she is still being loved and nurtured. It isn't healthy for anyone if you are burnt out and frustrated. Take time for yourself, they will figure it out.
Again, I am sorry if this sounded cold, or anything other than supportive
This will pass- your baby is still a newborn. I think of the first 8 weeks as being like a 4th trimester where the baby-mother dyad ideally continues.
I know it's frustrating, but it will pass.
As far as leaving the house, etc. do you have a baby carrier?
I could not have survived with my mei tai & ergo, even as your baby grows and is more comfortable with your DH, there will be times where all your LO wants is you, or to be held in general and baby-wearing is a great way to multi-task.
I second a carrier recommendation. And the fourth trimester.
Has your husband tried swaddling your LO or doing any of Dr. Karp's 5 Ss? I know that it worked wonders for my husband and he was able to hold my son in a football hold while he walked him around the house, etc.
Baby wearing is a great thing, I would definitely get a carrier.
That being said, I 100% agree with Matilda that she and your DH have to find their own rhythm. If your DH is stressed out and worked up while holding her, she's going to sense that. They don't need you around, adding to the stress either and taking her back right away the instant she starts to cry (I'm not saying that you do that every time or at all, I just have watched couples do that and it annoys me).
I can see how you are frustrated, but it will absolutely get better. Months from now, when she's in a "daddy phase," you will look back to this and say "geez, remember she didn't even like you at first?"
I agree with Matilda and Daisy, and it may last for a couple more months. I also don't want to sound cold, but....once you accept that your life is not your own, it gets much easier to deal with. It's not your H's fault, it's not your baby's fault, it's just the way it is right now. I think you're pretty lucky that she sleeps by herself at night. My oldest had to be held basically 24/7 for the first ten weeks or she would scream incessantly. Not just being held, but you ahd to be moving. I rarely got to sleep in my own bed. I spent hours at night pacijng around the house to keep her quiet so DH could sleep for work.
I really, really had a hard time with my first, adjusting to my life not being my own. It took me about four months to give in and accept that it was all about L. Once I came to that realization, it was much easier to just do what I had to do to soothe the baby. I do know it is really rough to adjust to, but you are still in the very beginning of your baby's life, and some babies just require more help getting used to the outside world. This phase will be over before you know it, even though it doesn't seem that way right now.
Ditto PPs; its just kinda the way it is for awhile. You can't really fight it, just accept and make peace. Get a carrier and take the baby with you while you walk the dog. Your baby's been living in your body for 10 months, you are the only thing she really knows, so you need to give her all of you right now. You'll get yourself back, but right now, you need to surrender to your baby's needs.
You don't have to be a total martyr - and if your LO has to cry for 10 minutes while you take a shower then so be it, but your DD needs you to hold her right now as much as you can.