childcare for the birth of DC#2?

amyinaustin · December 2011

Ugh, this has me in knots and crying fits already - it really brings out the worst of my pregnancy hormones.

I'm having a repeat c/s so we have the ability to plan for this a tad. Problem is, my mom/dad/MIL/ all want to be there at the hospital for the new baby's arrival. And I can understand that completely - I kinda want them there too. BUT, that leaves us w/ a dilemma when it comes to DD1. I want her to be with someone she knows/trusts during that time. Our regular babysitters will be in school since this is during the week.

Once I'm out of surgery and DD2 is doing well, the parents will take turns going to/from DD1, so we're only really talking about 3-4 hours of child care.

What did you do? And were you an emotional wreck about it like I am? I mean, I feel so torn between trying to be sensitive to DD1's emotional needs and trying to focus on the new baby. I know it's going to be that way for a while as I adjust to 2 kiddos, but I did not think it would start so soon. And I've already warned DH that I will be an emotional wreck on DD2's birthday as we prepare to leave, etc.

THanks for any advice!

rssnlvr · December 2011

We told ALL of our family to just wait at the house this time and not come to the hospital. Unfortunately, the only people who listened were my parents. My ILs came to the hospital against our wishes. So they got to meet DS on the day he was born, and my own parents had to wait until the next day because they were the ones at the house with DD and no one would leave to go relieve them.

Obviously, I'm still pissed about this.

ndluvsrk · December 2011

I can totally relate to all of what you are feeling. I was such a wreck about this myself. I didn't want to leave my K1 with someone he didn't know in case he woke up in the middle of the night, which he was prone to do at that time.

We didn't have many options, so we basically had 2 of our former nannies on call. Fortunately, the 2nd one answered her phone after we'd already woken K1 up and taken him to the hospital with us and she met up with DH and K1 at the house and then DH drove back to the hospital.

I think in your situation, someone (your Dad, mom or MIL) is going to have to wait to meet your DD2 and stay home and watch DD1, especially because you want her to be with someone she knows/trusts (just like I did).

Would your Dad be willing to do that? You can frame it such that he has the special honour of driving DD1 to the hospital to meet her baby sister.

It's a tough situation, and I completely understand.

bobcatsteph · December 2011

A friend of mine (who is probably lurking) had her DD1 at the hospital with them the entire time. I'm assuming family or someone watched her in the waiting room which she had her c/s but she roomed in with them the entire time they were in the hospital and she said she did wonderfully.

Mrs.Purdue · December 2011

bobcatsteph:
A friend of mine (who is probably lurking) had her DD1 at the hospital with them the entire time. I'm assuming family or someone watched her in the waiting room which she had her c/s but she roomed in with them the entire time they were in the hospital and she said she did wonderfully.

if it wasn't a scheduled c/s, I was going to say that the grandparents need to stay home with her and meet the baby a little later.

however, since you know the timing of it, I'd think your DD could actually come to the hospital and hang out in the waiting room with your parents and then go home with one (all) of them as soon as the baby has been born and everyone's gotten a chance to meet LO. it'd probably only be a few hours, right?

august8080 · December 2011

This is actually one of my biggest anxieties about delivery since our closest family is 2.5-3 hours away. They will obviously high-tail it here when the time comes, but still..... We don't really have any babysitters and DS is rarely with anyone but me. It's really important to me that my mom or sister get here ASAP so that he's with someone he's comfortable with. So, just wanted to say, you're not alone in your anxiety!

I would talk to one of your parents/ILs (you know who that should be) and just be honest with them. I KNOW my mom will be dying to get to the hospital and meet my twins, but she also knows how important it is to me to have someone taking care of DS who I trust and he trusts and so she's making the sacrifice for HER baby Surely one of the parents will do this for you, esp since it's not for an unknown period of time or time of day like an unscheduled labor and delivery would be. PP had a good suggestion about that person getting to be the one to bring your DD to meet the new baby!

jml5q · December 2011

this literally kept me awake my last month of pregnancy, worrying about who would take care of DD if i went into labor. All of our family was OOT. We had friends planned as back up but it wasn't my first choice of what DD would do.

Luckily, my parents made it into town before I went into labor, i ended up being induced anyway. But my parents stayed at home with DD while DH and I went to the hospital. They all came up later that afternoon and all met DS at the same time.

If i were in your situation, i'd probably tell one of my parents/IL that they need to stay at home with DD1. But I also didn't really need or want my parents there for the birth. It was actually so much less stressful being able to call them and say, yes you can come now, as opposed to knowing they were in the waiting room anxiously waiting to get it like when DD was born. And it was nice to have that a couple hours with DS to bond before everyone came in as well.

ec3under4 · December 2011

I had repeat c-sections for both of mine. The first time, DS1 was about 23 months at the time and the second time DD was about 21 months when I had my third.

With my second, my c-section was scheduled to start at 7 in the morning and I had to be there at 5(if my memory serves). DH and I went to the hospital early and then my mom and dad got my son up, had breakfast with him and then came to the hospital and waited in the waiting room until we were ready for him to come back. I was adament that my son was the first one to see the baby because he is part of our family and I didn't want him left out in anyway. My husband went out and got him from the waiting room and brought him back before all the others. I still remember the look on his face.

I had the same plans with the birth of my third but my water broke before my scheduled c-section and luckly my sister and bil were in town visiting so they came over and slept with the kids(2am when it broke) and then brought them up to the hospital first thing in the morning.

My kids have loved waiting in the hospital. It makes them feel a part of the big day and, not to mention, that all of their favorite people are there to keep them entertained. I also made special bags filled with gifts for the kiddos to keep them occupied while they were waiting.

If you don't want your DD at the hospital then you can always implement the rule that nobody will be allowed to see the baby until she can. That way, it kind of makes it pointless for people to be waiting there instead of at home with her.

NoVA-grl · December 2011

I was stressed about this too since our families are both so far away. My parents were here in time since I tend to go way overdue. I had to be induced so my mom came to the hospital with me and DH while my dad watched DC#1. I wanted her in the room with me for the birth since she was there for the birth of C. And my dad had a blast hanging out with C for the day (it turned out to be a very long day since we were hoping I would deliver sometime in the afternoon but it ended up being in the evening). My dad still brought C to the hospital that evening to meet his little sister and it was a very special moment :-)

amyliisa · December 2011

Mrs.Purdue:

bobcatsteph:
A friend of mine (who is probably lurking) had her DD1 at the hospital with them the entire time. I'm assuming family or someone watched her in the waiting room which she had her c/s but she roomed in with them the entire time they were in the hospital and she said she did wonderfully.

if it wasn't a scheduled c/s, I was going to say that the grandparents need to stay home with her and meet the baby a little later.

however, since you know the timing of it, I'd think your DD could actually come to the hospital and hang out in the waiting room with your parents and then go home with one (all) of them as soon as the baby has been born and everyone's gotten a chance to meet LO. it'd probably only be a few hours, right?

I stopped reading replies after this one, so I'm sorry if this a repeat of anything anyone else said. But I agree with MrsPurdue. The only thing I'm worried about is DS1 getting picked up by my BFF when it's time to head to the hospital. She may take him to her house, she may take him to the hospital to wait, who knows. And as far as I'm concerned, whoever else wants to come to the hospital while I'm in labor can come, and wait in the waiting room, if that's how they choose to spend their day. I'm not gonna worry about that. But I don't need any visitors in my room while I'm laboring, and once baby brother is born, only DS1 will meet him.

It is very important to us that the first person who meets baby brother after DH and me, is DS1. No grandparents, friends, etc. So, in my perfect world, my BFF will be waiting with DS1 in the waiting room while I deliver. When the time is right, she will bring him to the room so he can meet his brother. BFF will be allowed to stay in the room, because she's going to have to be taking pics, but that's it!! If there are grandparents in the waiting room, they will wait to meet him until we've had what we feel is sufficient family time, just the four of us (and whatever hospital staff members are still milling about the room, obv!).

That said, in your situation since you're having a scheduled c/s, I would probably opt to have all the grandparents keep and help watch DD either at home or in the waiting room until you're ready to receive visitors. At that time I would tell them that they can bring DD to the room so you all can bond as a family of 4 for a while, and the grandparents can meet baby a little later. Maybe they'd be more understanding if you put it to them that way?

smb29 · December 2011

Do either of you have siblings that would watch DD? My sis came up and kept him for us while we were in the hospital. Since it was scheduled, she could make prior arrangements for her own family, but she also had her own "emergency" plan if I went in to labor early. Our hospital will also not let anyone visit you for the first couple of hours after a c-sec, so we just told family we would call them and let them know when it was okay to come to the hospital, so the grandparents/extended family waited at the house instead of the hospital. Our DS is younger than your DD, but he would not have done well waiting at the hospital. There are too many interesting things to touch, buttons to push, cords to pull, etc.

amyinaustin · December 2011

Thanks for all the advice - definitely a lot of suggestions to think about.

We each have a sibling, but they aren't available - mine is in Chicago and not planning on coming in for the birth and DH's runs an in-home daycare in another town so she is pretty busy. After discussing it at great length w/ my parents, our current plan is to have my college student cousin (who now conveniently has no class this day) that DD is in love with come over and watch her for the few hours, then the grandparents will take turns coming home to watch over DD until I'm ready for her to come to the hospital.

Hopefully this works out - b/c I hate stressing about this. And thanks to all that said you stressed about this too -I don't feel AS crazy now

userdeleted · December 2011

You've gotten good advice already, but I just wanted to say that I was extremely stressed about this issue too. To the point that I posted a nervous breakdown in words on the 12-24 month board and had internet strangers feeling so bad for me that I was getting personal offers of childcare from some who lived in the area or had family that did, lol! (we had no family in the area at the time)

So you are definitely not alone in worrying about this. It all ended up working out totally fine for me, and I'm sure that it will for you too!

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