Anyone dealing with jealous friends?

ali&jonbaby · December 2011

This is my second pregnancy... and when I told my best friend, who was also my maid of honor, she had a cold response. She has only met dd (who is 4.5 months old) once and always breaks our plans. She just got engaged but has been living with her man longer than I've known dh. I know for a fact that when another of our friends got married last summer, best friend was jealous (she told me). How do I handle this situation?

cschlomann · December 2011

No advice here. Just feeling your pain. Isn't it crazy how relationships change when kids become involved and your not all on the same page anymore?

Alauren4 · December 2011

Hmm, I don't have friends that would ever get jealous because I'm pregnant. I don't understand why "friends" would get jealous because you are expecting a miracle. True friends would be happy and excited for you...

PresleyMomma · December 2011

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this too!

It really all began when DH and I got engaged. Most of my friends then were single and seemed very jealous that I was getting married (2 of them so much so that they decided not to even be in the wedding!) I also got an instant family because he has custody of his 2 children. So life became almost unrelatable to my then friends. It sucks to lose friends but honestly, my life is better without the people who tried to convince me to go out drinking and skip out on my responsibilities at home. I'm not a prude, we still went out with friends before my pregnancy, and did when I first found out I just didn't drink. It seems like that's the only thing people in their early 20s want to do.

I still have a few close friends but have lost touch with even more after I excitedly told them I was pregnant. I'm truly thankful for my wonderful family and the few close friends I have!

masurwedding · December 2011

Yep-I actually posted about it a couple days ago. I remember when I was living with my (now) husband for longer than any of my friends had been dating and yet everyone around me was getting married. Yes I was a bit jealous but never in a mean way just a 'when is it going to happen for me' kind of way.

What I did was just distance myself from my friend that was jealous over the pregnancy news. She called me the other day so we'll go for lunch and I'll tell her I didn't appreciated how she reacted. Whatever will be will be-life is too short to try to please people all the time.

temporalrobe · December 2011

my sil is ttc and is upset/jealous. haven't heard a word from her regarding 'congrats' since my h told her. i'm 10wks.

jayangel · December 2011

I also understand what you're going through. When I announced to my bff she was nothing but negative, which I feel is due to jealously.She went on about how she doesn't think I'm really ready and asked am I sure we can afford a child. I was pretty upset by her comments and let her know it. She has been married to her husband for as long as I've been with dw but they are nowhere near ready to have children, so I guess she thinks I shouldn't be either. She also did the whole negative thing after my wedding (she got married at the courthouse). At this point I just realize there is really nothing I can do to change her reactions.I've distanced myself from her a bit and that has helped. I feel people change and sometimes you're just at different points in your life, try not to let it get to you.

wellsam09 · December 2011

Totally understand where you are coming from. I told one of my friends that I couldn't work out with her anymore because I hurt my ankle again, really I just couldn't do P90X every day and run 3 miles each day. She started asking 1 million questions about why I couldn't work out anymore, so I finally told her I was pregnant. When I said please don't post it on facebook or tell anyone because our families do not know yet she said okay. She wanted to continue on the conversation even though 4 people had just walked in. So I left the next day she comes in and tells me she told her boyfriend (who is friends with my Husband's cousin), I asked why she would tell her bf and she said "Oh who's he going to tell."....really. Then she wants to keep talking about it. The day after Thanksgiving at 10 am I get a text from her asking when she can post it on facebook and tell people. She's acting like this is her secret and pregnancy to tell. I said people still don't know, the next time I saw her she wanted to know when I was going to tell people so she could tell people too. Very frustrating, I just walked away from her and haven't seen or talked to her since.

snowdrop0106 · December 2011

I know what you mean. DH has a friend who is the last of all of us to be single. The rest of the guys they hang out with are in serious relationships or married with kids. Ever since we told him we were expecting he's been withdrawing. Our other friends who have kids have stopped spending as much time with him and I'm afraid he expects us to do the same.

Maybe your friend is afraid that you won't be able to have the same kind of relationship with the new baby. Especially now that you have 2 young ones. Maybe she already feels that with DD you have neglected her a little and expects it to get worse. Of course you have to spend more time with your children. Thats how it has to be.

Try putting aside a day every once in a while for just the two of you. Try not to talk about the pregnancy too much. Maybe there is something new with her that you don't know about. Focus on her life for a bit it will make her feel better

dani2480 · December 2011

If your friend is truly jealous/bitter towards you pregnancy (and DD), there's really nothing you can do about it. Your friend needs to grow up, and realize that life isn't fair for anyone, and that being cold and distant towards a friend because of jealousy only makes her look like a jerk.

What you could do is ask her to help you understand her reactions. Tell her, in a nice, non-accusatory way, that you've felt like she's been kind of distant lately, and that you also felt like her reaction to your pregnancy news seemed kind of cold. Then tell her it confuses you, and are wondering if there is something wrong that she needs to discuss with you. Ideally, she'll open up about what she's thinking/feeling and you guys can work that out. Or, maybe she'll flip out and get all dramatic about it. Or maybe she'll tell you it wasn't personal, she's just been going through some stuff in her personal life lately and feeling down (but hasn't been sharing that with anyone).

From there, you can decide whether the friendship is salvageable, and what you need to do in order to make it work. Otherwise, understand that sometimes people grow apart. You're in a different place in your life than she is, and it just may not be compatible anymore in terms of each of your expectations of your friends. And that's okay. If you leave it on good enough terms, perhaps someday things will be different, and you'll be closer again. And perhaps not, and you'll make other friends to fill that void.

caralck · December 2011

I would just give her space. I was jealous about my friends getting married but didn't act out. Just got a little bummed then once the wedding preps started got excited. Also got jealous as those around me got pregnant faster and without ART. That one was much harder. So now you've gotten married and now starting a family before she even says I do. Could she handle it better? Yes. I think just let her do what she needs to do to and let her reach out to you when she's ready otherwise you'll probably just keep getting the same negative energy from her. If it means you drift apart, then that's what may happen. It sucks but it's not fair to you to have to deal with her negativity when you have every right to enjoy your growing belly and family. I kept my space with pregnant friends until I was emotionally ready to be excited for them. I didn't want them feeling guilty over their fertility.

FlannelGrl · December 2011

After I told my BFF her first reaction was, "OMG, I'm going to go jump off of a bridge"... I was hesitant to tell her becuase when I first got engaged she wasn't very supportive either. She got divoreced 6 years ago, and has been with her 7 years younger boyfriend for 5 years now. I know she's just jelous because she tells me she wants to be pregnant and married also, but DANG-- that reaction was cold. She also had just been complaining about a co-worker who had just told her she was pregnant too and that the person wasn't mature enough ect... And I was like.. I'm 31-- we're finanancially stable and ready.. can't you just be happy for us? Some of my friends wonder why I'm still friends with her after how unsupportive she was during the wedding (we were dating for over a year and then engaged for 7 months... so it wasn't like it was an overnight relationship). I know she is just jealous and still not over her failed marriage... she even then revealed to me she had a misscarraige in her first marraige and said she had been 8 weeks along and didn't know she had been pregnant when she miscarried.. She has a history of lying to me and admitting later she lied.. I don't know what to do with her anymore!

Waiting_for_the_question · December 2011

Just continue to love her and be supportive. I don't know what she's going through to make this difficult for her, but if she's really one of your best friends, I would think that something must be up for her to not be completely thrilled for you. That's just my thought... Maybe she's craving baby and is feeling resentment (toward her man, toward her body, etc.) about it..

criscocmr · December 2011

I'm dealing with a jealous sister-in-law! and she is the same way she gets jealous about everything, but this really pushed her over the edge!

I'm going to read your responses and hope someone had some good advice for you that I can steal:)

shrtfrkgrl · December 2011

No, I am not dealing with jealous friends. But I am afraid when I tell a particular cousin that she probably will be negative. She is somewhat negative now when we talk about kids. My family has medical conditions, her more than anything. I am just a carrier. But she always brings up, you know your kids could get this, or get that. EVERYTIME I mention kids or she does. It gets frustrating. Also, she thinks my husband makes all my decisions for me, like I am that stupid. ( I try to avoid her because of her attitude sometimes, which she thinks it is DH forcing me to stay home). She has had a lot of problems with DH.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with jealous friends. It sucks! I hate to say this, but this doesn't apply to a lot of women. But some women are PSYCHO. They can't handle other people's happiness. Either give it time or it just isn't meant to be with ya'll as friends.
Don't stress! Have a happy pregnancy!

smrpt · December 2011

Yes! I am. One of them has been ttc for over a year, so I totally understand. Another long time friend who i svery competitive is now ttc only since I told her! Hah. Oh well.

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