Mild vent

Shayna0182 · November 2011

On the front page of the Bump this morning, one of the stories was Lily Allen gave birth to a girl after suffering two miscarriages. She lost one of her babies when she was 6 months pregnant. That's a stillbirth, not a miscarriage. Maybe, it's petty of me, but I get so annoyed when those terms get used interchangeably.

magdalina.h · November 2011

I got a sympathy card in the mail that said "I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage" I haven't talked to that person since. We weren't close anyway, but I took her off my Christmas card list. I also sobbed and sobbed to my mom how it wasn't the same.

Petunia844 · November 2011

I completely agree and got a little annoyed with that this morning. One of my good friends told me after Peyton died that her mother had a loss as well, well I finally got up the nerve to ask her some about it in an email, I wanted to hear about it from a rainbow baby's perspective.... it wasn't a stillbirth, it was a miscarriage.

She did have an Aunt with a stillbirth, and talked more about her, but somehow I had liked the idea that my friend was a rainbow baby like my child will hopefully be one day.

ruthymusney · November 2011

I had a friend tell me "I know what you went through was hard, but actually holding your baby and them passing the next day would be so much worse" really? I think they might be different pains, but I'm stilll hurting. Thank you.

If someone EVER says I had a m/c, I will be so mad. No one has even called it a stillbirth. I hate that term to for some reason. We all had babies we carried. They just didn't live.

magdalina.h · November 2011

addegeorge:
I completely agree and got a little annoyed with that this morning. One of my good friends told me after Peyton died that her mother had a loss as well, well I finally got up the nerve to ask her some about it in an email, I wanted to hear about it from a rainbow baby's perspective.... it wasn't a stillbirth, it was a miscarriage.
She did have an Aunt with a stillbirth, and talked more about her, but somehow I had liked the idea that my friend was a rainbow baby like my child will hopefully be one day.

your friend is a rainbow baby. While a miscarriage is totally different from a late pregnancy loss/ stillbirth or infant loss, it's still a loss.

Petunia844 · November 2011

magdalina.h:
addegeorge:
I completely agree and got a little annoyed with that this morning. One of my good friends told me after Peyton died that her mother had a loss as well, well I finally got up the nerve to ask her some about it in an email, I wanted to hear about it from a rainbow baby's perspective.... it wasn't a stillbirth, it was a miscarriage.
She did have an Aunt with a stillbirth, and talked more about her, but somehow I had liked the idea that my friend was a rainbow baby like my child will hopefully be one day.
your friend is a rainbow baby. While a miscarriage is totally different from a late pregnancy loss/ stillbirth or infant loss, it's still a loss.

I know, and I didn't mean to say she wasn't or that a m/c isn't a loss. I know it is and I know it's heartbreaking as well. I just mean a rainbow baby like mine... as in the same situation, a late loss but she was able to carry her next baby to term.

mrssoprano · November 2011

I agree. I hate when people call it a miscarriage. My daughter was born, and I held her and loved on her. Both are horrible, but they are different.

Jackie2200 · November 2011

I hate the term miscarriage for a late loss. I correct people when they say I had a miscarraige. I just say, it wasn't a miscarriage. It was a second-trimester loss.

In my book, if you pushed, then dressed your "miscarriage" in clothes and blankets and held it's body and counted it's fingers and toes, it's not freaking miscarriage!

Shayna0182 · November 2011

Jackie2200:

I hate the term miscarriage for a late loss. I correct people when they say I had a miscarraige. I just say, it wasn't a miscarriage. It was a second-trimester loss.

In my book, if you pushed, then dressed your "miscarriage" in clothes and blankets and held it's body and counted it's fingers and toes, it's not freaking miscarriage!

This! Our first daughter, Grace, was born at 17 weeks. While it was technically a miscarriage, I had an epidural and actually pushed her out. My dh and I both held her. The hospital even gave us a memory box with a small blanket and pictures of her. For those reason, I would put it more in the stillbirth category than the miscarriage.

shanaynerz · November 2011

See I'm still confused about what to call what happened to me. I was told I was miscarrying when I felt the babies drop. They were born alive and breathing, but were just to early to live longer, so I don't consider it a stillbirth. But miscarriage is technically before 20 weeks, right? The whole terminology thing is so confusing.

Cercamom2011 · November 2011

The specialist I see corrected some paperwork for me because it said "spontaneous abortion". My daughter was born and lived for 14 days, so I didn't know how she is technically supposed to be classified in pregnancy terms. But, the MFM proactively changed the wording because she didn't like it. She said this is the term most often used for miscarriage, and that is definitely not what I had. This made me like her that much more.

may2806 · November 2011

Shayna0182:
Jackie2200:

I hate the term miscarriage for a late loss. I correct people when they say I had a miscarraige. I just say, it wasn't a miscarriage. It was a second-trimester loss.
In my book, if you pushed, then dressed your "miscarriage" in clothes and blankets and held it's body and counted it's fingers and toes, it's not freaking miscarriage!
This! Our first daughter, Grace, was born at 17 weeks. While it was technically a miscarriage, I had an epidural and actually pushed her out. My dh and I both held her. The hospital even gave us a memory box with a small blanket and pictures of her. For those reason, I would put it more in the stillbirth category than the miscarriage.

I completely agree - my daughter was also born at 17 weeks. I have had miscarriages, and this was NOT a miscarriage. I labored, I pushed her out of my body. She was recognizable as a person with all of her parts formed - like Jackie said, I counted her tiny fingers and toes. I held her wrapped in a blanket. I don't care if legally it was a miscarriage (ie before 20 weeks), there is a huge difference between what I went through and a first tri loss.

weddedwife · December 2011

Jackie2200:

In my book, if you pushed, then dressed your "miscarriage" in clothes and blankets and held it's body and counted it's fingers and toes, it's not freaking miscarriage!

This!! The two are not the same.

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