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My body is playing tricks on me

dragontears507dragontears507 member
in Trouble TTC

I had figured I was out this month after a temp dip and a BFN yesterday. Well, this morning my temp jumped way up. I sat in bed for a while trying to talk myself out of getting excited. FAIL! I took a test and have never seen a more clear negative. I'm so crushed. I thought after all we've been through and with the upcoming deployment, this might actually be our time. We did everything right.

 We had hoped to go home for Christmas and have baby news to share. I had also hoped to pass off the weight I'd gained for being KU. Haha. I had so many plans for how I would handle a pregnancy while DH is deployed, that I guess I never let it occur to me that I might not get a BFP before he leaves. 

I had all these dreams in my head. We got way ahead of ourselves and now I'm left feeling so empty.

The Follistim is staring me in the face every time I open my fridge mocking me over the fact that I'll probably have to use it after all. We've got one more chance before he leaves, but I'm so scared that I'll put even more pressure on myself because of that and end up depressed with no husband and no baby. 

I'm lost...Crying


BabyFruit Ticker
image

PCOS--TTC since 11/2010:   
5 cycles of Clomid: all BFN, 1 cycle of Follistim:CP
1 year break thanks to deployment.
1 cycle Follistim: BFN, Lap to remove peritubal cyst May 2013
2 cycles Follistim + trigger: BFN, Gonal F +IUI April 2014: BFP!!!!!! 

Boy/Girl Twins due Jan 5, 2015!!! 


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Re: My body is playing tricks on me

  • kellyrn9956kellyrn9956 member

    God honey, I could have wrote this exact post. I had hopes up so high this cycle. I started what I thought was AF last night, red bleeding for a few hours, now nothing this morning, but HUGE temp dip and clear BFN. So ... ugh.

    On top of it, I also have Follistim in the fridge.

    God love ya, and have a nice good cry. It helped me a lot last night. Now I just wish my darn bright red bleeding would re-start so I can just call this a day!

    Started TTC 2/2009
    Started fertility treatments 11/2010
    Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
    6 failed medicated IUI's
    Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
    Decided to adopt - 6/2012
    SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012 
    Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
    Decided to be "One and Done"

    ....OR NOT.
    Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
    Here we go again...
    Due 8/26/19!
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  • Daisies1706Daisies1706
    I'm so sorry hon (((HUGS))). I can't imagine what you're going through since my mister isn't in the military, but we're always here for you. Don't be afraid to PM me if you need to let loose - I'm a good listener :)
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  • veenuslalveenuslal
    Ugh! I'm so sorry Sad,I feel lost too. It sucks that our bodies and minds play these tricks on us and let us get so hopeful. I hope we all get our BFP's soon, and hang in there (big hug).
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • lisagab26lisagab26 member
    I'm so so sorry.  It's just not fair.  I truly hope your last shot (for now) works.
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  • pulga131pulga131
    Im sorry sweetie! That's a lot of pressure you're feeling. It stinks that you have to deal with IF but then you have an additional issue with your husbands deployment. I hope your next cycle works out! ((Hugs))
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