Blended Families

For those with kids around 9-10..?

At what point do you worry about your kids grades? SD is in 3rd grade and has consistently been an A student. This year however, she has had quite a few failing grades. It seems to be mostly in her math class, which is her favorite subject. Overall she is pulling a B in the class because it's a mix of F's and A's. I feel concerned because she has never done poorly in school and I don't feel like she's getting any help studying or practicing at BM's house. I don't think that getting straight A's is important and we wouldn't get on her case about not pulling A's in every class. But I am worried about this inconsistency. At what point do you start intervening when your kids grades are dropping?

Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.

DS born 12/29/14

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Re: For those with kids around 9-10..?

  • Is it possible your H could suggest to BM about getting SD a tutor a few days a week for Math? Either the material is getting tough, or maybe she is chatty in class and not paying attention. 

    I can't remember what age, but my mom got me a math tutor a few days a week for help and it made a big difference. I think it was just some highschool student. I don't think she is too young at all to get some additional help or try to figure out what the problem is. Good luck!



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  • I can say that 2 of my SKs consistantly bring home a barely passing grade (low C)in about 2 classes a six weeks. SD's grades began slipping in 2nd grade. DH contacted the school and BM and tried to help. The teacher was not very helpful at all. One of the subjects was spelling. He sat down with SD and explained how she should be studying her spelling words each day to help and she should try writing them 3x each and having BM or her SF quiz her over them daily. But really, there is nothing he can do because he isn't there to do homework with them. SD is now in 5th and still makes low C's in at least 2 classes a six weeks. She is usually failing 1 or more classes at progress report time. My youngest SS is having the same problems and he is in 2nd. To top it off they both have missing papers constantly (we have access to their grades online) and when DH questions BM about it she either ignores him if it's via text or tells us she didn't know about them if it's in person.

     One year SD failed the standardized test and had to do tutorials and retake it in the summer in order to progress to the next grade (she only passed on the curve). DH tried to get BM to let her move in with us since DH works for our school district and can keep a good monitor on things if she were in our district and she refused. She refuses to let us help them when it comes to school. They don't have the best role model for school at their house as BM never graduated high school.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • We just got our first alarming report card for SD indicating that she is having some difficulty reading (Grade 1)

    She tells us that she doesn't do homework/reading at BM's house, but we don't know whether this is true or not.  There is a breakdown in communication between BM and us and I believe that my SDs will fib to either get their butts out of trouble or say what they think we want to hear.

    That being said, BMs house is out of our control.  We are planning on making an appointment with her teacher to see exactly where the teacher thinks she is at, where she needs to improve and how we can go about helping her improve with the time that we have. 



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  • My SS is in 3rd grade and he started doing much worse this year.  He has low C's (70s) in Math and Reading and a D in Writing (60s).  He also is having issues focusing, listening to the teacher, and keeping his handwriting legible.

    We have him 50% - but when with BM his homework (Math) often has wrong answers and he doesn't normally do his nightly reading.  At BM's he also has a TV in his room and watches several hours of TV a day - including befoe school.

    When we forst knew of the problems 2 months ago - we told him that the behavior issues need to change or we wouldn't let him play basketball this winter - they didn't change - so we pulled basketball (although BM is still going to take him on her time - big mistake).  We also started going to Kumon (tuturing) for Math and Reading - we just started but I know it will help.  It is costing us a lot of money - and BM refuses to particpate - but we are doing what we can.

    If these early skills are not learned and mastered - the children will struggle even more as the course work gets harder!  Now is the time to get help!

    As a side note - my SS does also see a counselor - so there are many of us trying to work on his issues!

  • I'm surprised she's receiving letter grades as a third grader, but any time the school flags an issue, whether verbally or through a poor grade, that is the time to intervene, at all ages.

    First, you need to find out why she's receiving "F"s.  Does she not understand the work, or is she simply not doing the work or not turning it in?

    Second, you need to make a plan with SD and the teacher as to how to approach bringing up her grades.

    Third, your H needs to involve BM and let her know what you've found out.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • I would worry what is causing the inconsistency b/c she is obviously able to do it.  And I also do not think straight As are the end of the world but I do think they need to try their best.  I would talk to her about why she got those Fs and if she says the work is hard ask what is harder about it then the stuff she gets As on and see if it is the work or something else.  Also you or DH call the teacher to get their take on it without making any accusations and even if they tell you that she is unprepared when with BM you should just say you will look into it instead of venting to the teacher, make it clear that you will do your best to rectify it and you want to be involved but you do not want to seem like the parent that attacks the BM.  You cannot go forward if you do not know the reason why, if it is truly that hard for her then get some sort of extra help.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • I'd start worrying when the inconsistency starts. Don't wait to see if it will change again for the better on it's own. It will only be harder to correct.  I'd intervene. Maybe start gently, but begin to intervene.
  • Thanks for the answers. We emailed the teacher last night. Just waiting for a reply now.

    Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.

    DS born 12/29/14

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