Baby Showers
dojo1
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guest list problem: WWYD?
dojo1
member
in Baby Showers
My mom and sister have offered to host a shower for me - my SIL would normally host something for DH's side but is unable to and hasn't offered. My sister has made it clear that hosting our side as well as DH's is too much of an imposition and she's probably right - it would be at least 15 - 20 people to just invute aunts and female cousins. On the other hand, I feel very awkward about having a shower and not inviting them. My sister doesn't understand this - she thinks that if they don't care enough about me to host a shower that I shouldn't care if they're offended at not being invited. My sister suggested just inviting my SIL, DH's dad's SO and his grandma. I still feel uncomfortable about it because how can we invite DH's grandma and not his aunts?
What would you do?
Sidenote: DH's dad's SO would NEVER think of offering to host a shower. Also, please excuse typos as I'm on bb and can't review the text well.
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Re: guest list problem: WWYD?
Ask your sister how many people she can accomodate and cut your guest list so it doesn't go above her number... even if that means cutting out all of your H's family (outside of the three that she's offered to invite, those should remain on the list).
I agree with her that an extra 15-20 people is just too much. If he had 2 or 3 aunts plus his sister, g-ma and step-mom to be and that's it, she'd probably invite them. But extra food, cake, seating etc for 15-20 people is a lot of $$.
http://pandce.****/index.cgi#general
I don't agree w/ her sentiment of "if they don't care enought to host a shower", BUT other than that - I agree with her. While it's not about "caring", the fact is someone on his side can throw a shower if it's THAT important for them to attend one.
She's offered to throw one and has given you the parameters - it's not her obligation to throw a bigger shower.
Invite your SIL, grandma and the SO. You can invite them w/o inviting "all the aunts". Really- you can. If it comes up "But what about ____ and ____?", all you say is "Unfortunatly, sister isn't able to throw a larger shower.". Period. If people get offended over this- that's on THEM. Not you or your sister. Again, if it's that IMPORTANT to them to come to a shower, someone on his side can offer to throw one.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
1st I would ask to see the guest list. Eliminate distant relatives or friends you haven't spoken to in a few years and add in more important closer people to the family instead.
I would ask that the big key players on your husband's side be invited. Immediate family members like your MIL, any SIL's, his grandmother and maybe an Aunt or two. I don't see how asking that a few extra people is going to blow out the budget. You're just covering your bases by making sure BOTH sides of the family are invited. This baby is a combo of two families coming together...both families should be involved.
You should be making the guest list, not your sister. She needs to tell you how many people she can realistically host and then you can choose who to invite to stay within those numbers. There should be an even mix of both families. If all your aunts and cousins are coming then his need to be invited as well. Even if it means cutting out a few friends.
You need to play fair on both sides of the family starting now. You are going to have a child and you do not ever want that child to see you playing favorites.
I agree with PP's. Pretty much the only thing the mom to be should be in control of is the guest list. IMO, this is a key reason why. Hostess on your side doesn't know all of the people that are important to be there (possibly) and you do.
I'd ask for the number she is willing to host and make cuts of fluff people on your side to make room for the important people on his.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I do not agree with the pps that say you need to invite your DH's side of the family. Sounds like your sister (and mom) have explicity said only your side with 3 exceptions. You need to respect that since she is paying for the shower. I do not agree with the pps that you should limit your family and friends so that his side can be invited. You get to invite whoever you want (since you do control the guest-list) but it still has to be within the perameters your sister has sent. kwim? If your family is large enough that 15-20 extra people from his side would over-shoot the budget then that is what you live with. I would let your MIL know your sister's sentiments (not that she thinks that "if they care enough they would host one") that she can only handle your side of the family. That way your MIL knows her side will not be getting invites (except a couple of people). Maybe someone on his side will host one - maybe not (it is their choice at that point).
Note: noticed it would not be your MIL...then your FIL's SO or your SIL or DH's grandmother.
I think there are a few people who should automatically be invited to any baby shower and that's a grandmother or great grandmother (on either side). The only exception to this is if there is some long standing problem that would cause a lot of drama/stress.
Basically if my sister wants to invite my 3rd cousin's mom's wife's hairdresser and not the soon-to-be grandmother, there should be cuts made to make room, ykwim?
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
If his family really, really wants a shower, then they can throw one.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10