Most a positive post though advice appreciated
I went for my second appointment and the baby is doing excellent! He/She passed the NT test (first part of it) and we're awaiting the blood work. It was the first time I had a male gyno but he was FANTASTIC. So sweet and so excited. I'd have to say he was perhaps more excited than me about the pregnancy.
However, when I saw the baby on the sonogram (looking like an actual baby rather than a little teeny alien) I broke down in tears. If only I could see that every day! I still do have feelings of detachment.. or perhaps they're disbelief (that I'm actually pregnant and going through this alone) but I think that once I start showing and the baby starts moving that things will change.
The baby's father has been silent since the last fiasco (he was so horrendous I ended up in the hospital soon afterward) but he finally sent me a message. The message was "concerned" and asked me what I plan on doing, what I'd like for visitation/CS, how i was doing. I'm not pessimistic or attempting to continue drama.. but I know he wasn't truly concerned. He's since begun dating 2 other women (he won't change who he is) and traveling the world with them. The last things he said was that he wanted an abortion (he repeated this several times and said I had no other option) and that if I kept it he'd be filing for full custody. So I have reason to believe he's sending me this message so that he doesn't look like a complete jerk in court. He also only wants to talk via "email". Everyone who knows my story is concerned that his hatred for me is dangerous even though he is a prominent individual in his field. I have considered a restraining order just to feel safe (specially when the winter comes and I'll be waddling around with a large belly).
I know that CS would help the child. However, I'm fully capable of making it on my own. I know that it would still be a struggle. BUT, I have my career and I could move closer to family who could help if need be. Part of me wants him and his family to know that I would never choose to keep a child simply to A. be with someone who no women deserves (at least I know I deserve better) B. for his money. Besides I'm sure whatever cs I'd receive would simply go straight to child care.
Does a man who isn't married to me have the right to demand a paternity test? I'm wondering if I can keep him off the birth certificate, raise the child on my own and not demand cs so that we could skip a custody battle and simply work out visitation rights with him so he can see the child.
Any advice? Is this possible? Does it sound unreasonable? I also don't think having conversations about the child via email is correct. But I don't feel safe alone with him either.
Re: Most a positive post though advice appreciated
This is just my two cents. I know where you're coming from. I don't want this BD to have anything to do with baby. But, I know that the baby deserves to have BOTH parents in Baby's life. And, yes, BD has the right to file for paternity. He has a RIGHT to know his child. From what you've said, he won't make the effort. But, at least you can tell your LO that you did everything possible to make sure he had access to LO.
The scariest thing for any single woman is that the father will flip and try to take the child away from you. Men know this, and they use it frequently. I guess so they can feel like they're in control of something. Not establishing paternity won't prevent that from happening. The best thing you can do is establish paternity and custody from the get go. Talk to your local Attorney General. The court is NOT going to take an infant away from the mother without REALLY REALLY good reason. I mean really good reason.
Communicating through email ONLY is actually really smart. That way, everything is in writing. You never know when you might need it.