Wishing my husband was more understanding.....

tnpearson2011 · November 2011

After sitting in the ER for over 8 hours lastnight I found out i miscarried at 8 weeks. I come home to a sink full of dishes and a messy house. My husband stayed home with our other children while i went to the ER which is about 1 hour away by myself. This morning he has the nerve to ask me if i would go to the store to buy some bread for him. Is he crazy or am i being too sensitive????

KareBear0408 · November 2011

I'm sorry. I think he's being insensitive, IMO. Maybe reality just hasn't hit him yet and he's in the "if I act like it's not happening, it won't happen" mentality. Not that that is a healthy way to think at all, but it could be what's going on. I'm really sorry though and I hope he comes around and helps and supports you through this.

MidwestIrishBridea · November 2011

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you need to talk to your husband.... maybe first, get a feel for how HE feels about the miscarriage, and perhaps that will open your eyes to where he's coming from. Is he really heartbroken and trying to deny it? It ignoring something his way of coping? Or was he not attached to the baby and idea of pregnancy, so he doesn't see this as a huge thing?

And then I do think it would be very important for you to have a heart to heart and tell him how YOU feel. He wasn't there to feel those 8 hours of agony, and he didn't carry the baby for 8 weeks. Maybe he needs to be told your experience and your feelings and how it's effecting you.

I'm so sorry he's being insensitive and hurting your feelings....

Ladiebug710 · November 2011

I am sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that your husband isn't being more supportive. I have had the same problems with my DH. I remember crying about it out of the blue about two weeks later and he said, "I don't understand the tears. Are you just sad? Do you feel a sense of loss?" Of course I felt a trememdous sense of loss, but he didn't. I guess it wasn't as real to him, and I'm not saying that is true for all men, but on the whole it just isn't the same. They don't bond with a fetus the way a woman does. I hope you are able to have a conversation about your feelings with him, and I hope he is able to offer you some comfort.

irisheyednut · November 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss:( Yes, that was insensitive, though I doubt he was being completely thoughtless at that moment (at least, I HOPE not!!). Who knows what goes through the mind of man, but I know my own tends to try the "moving forward" approach, and thus, he can come off as an insensitive *ss, too. Maybe yours is this way also, and by asking you to do something very ordinary, he's trying to do that as well?? I don't mean like he's trying to pretend it never happened, of course...but maybe he's thinking that by keeping things as normal as possible, that he's helping the both of you cope with the loss of your LO?? Or maybe he thinks that if you're busy in some way, or distracted, that it'll help?? Or maybe I'm just putting a meaning where it doesn't exist, and he really was just being insensitive; either way, I'd talk to him. See where he stands. It might not have been as "real" to him as it was (and still is) for you, and he might not realize the impact it had on you:)

Laurakat81 · November 2011

Wow! He is being very insensitive. I'm sorry you are dealing with that on top of everything else. Talk to him openly and frankly about what you're going through and how you feel. Hopefully he will be more supportive. (((hugs)))

HopingforChange · December 2011

MidwestIrishBride:
I'm so sorry. It sounds like you need to talk to your husband.... maybe first, get a feel for how HE feels about the miscarriage, and perhaps that will open your eyes to where he's coming from. Is he really heartbroken and trying to deny it? It ignoring something his way of coping? Or was he not attached to the baby and idea of pregnancy, so he doesn't see this as a huge thing?

And then I do think it would be very important for you to have a heart to heart and tell him how YOU feel. He wasn't there to feel those 8 hours of agony, and he didn't carry the baby for 8 weeks. Maybe he needs to be told your experience and your feelings and how it's effecting you.

I'm so sorry he's being insensitive and hurting your feelings....

I agree completely! I am sorry your DH is hurting you, but I really doubt that he understands the full implications of his words. I hope not, anyway. You guys probably just need to communicate about feelings and expectations at this really difficult time. Also, I am really sorry you had to go through that and be in the ER alone. That was really strong of you.

Wishing my husband was more understanding.....

Re: Wishing my husband was more understanding.....

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