My stress level just shot up 1000 times - long
Sascha3
member
I got put on bed rest Sunday for early contractions, so this may not be helping. And I know I am worrying about things that have not even happened yet, but I can't help it.
My husband has been recruited for several jobs lately here in Las Vegas, some of which are great moves financially, some not so much, but would be a huge resume builder. His background is in very high end French dining under a renowned chef, but is currently managing a more mainstream fine dining location, which the chef also owned up until recently.
Our dream was to one day move to Southern California, but ever since we bought our home and found out I was pregnant, we have not pursued the idea of moving. Until the chef just recommended him to manage a five star restaurant in Laguna Beach, which is the exact restaurant he has always dreamt of working at. And who wouldn't want to live in Laguna.
It would kill me to leave our beautiful home we just bought and completely renovated to our exact taste, but we could rent it out and a house is just a house and I can live in a tiny cottage in Laguna and be just as happy.
It appears as though they were very impressed with his phone interview and he is probably going to have to drive out this weekend to interview in person. They say they want to make a decision in the next week, so this could all move very quickly. There current manager is not leaving until February but they would want him to move out within the next 4 weeks and start the beginning of January...if he gets the job.
This is where my stress comes in. CAUTION: rambling thoughts ahead.....I am due January 10. I am on bed rest. I don't know if this baby will come early or not. I may be cleared from bed rest after this week, but how can I go work every day if I am supposed to be packing up my life and moving? Will I deliver here or in California? I absolutely do not want to induce, but if it were a matter of knowing we can have the baby here in Las Vegas before we move so there are no insurance issues, and to know my husband will absolutely be here for the birth of our first baby, would I want to induce 2 weeks early? I could live here for the month of January on my own, but I would want to have a concrete date of the baby's birth because it would kill either of us for him to miss it. These are my major worries.
My minor worries are finding a place to live that will take my 3 dogs, finding someone to rent our home immediately, downsizing all of our furniture and finding the time to go through everything this month, whether we will be able to afford for me to be a SAHM like we had hoped since the cost of living is higher, when do I tell my current employer...before I move and lose my insurance and STD pay? Also, my 23 year old was planning to move back from Seattle to be near us again, and Laguna is too expensive for her. She hates Vegas, so I am sure not moving to Vegas is not the end of the world for her, but I have the added stress of her being able to afford to live somewhat near me.
Oh my god...my head is going to explode. I keep crying. This is our dream and I don't want to pass up the opportunity because it will make life extremely inconvenient for 2 months, but this has to be the absolute worst timing ever.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
Re: My stress level just shot up 1000 times - long
This sounds like a familiar story. DH and I were set up to move from Paris to Stockholm, Sweden 2 weeks ago. Finally, it all fell through, but I remember feeling all of that panic and what if and oh my god.
Stop. Take a breath. For the time being it is 100% hypothetical, so there is absolutely no sense in freaking about it now. If this second round goes well, start thinking about things a little more concretely. And if you want to bounce logistics/insurance/indepth plan off of me, feel free!
A little opposition in life only makes you stronger
That's right...I do think I remember reading about this. It's so hard not to stress about it, even though I rationally know there is absolutely no point in stressing until it is concrete and not in the hypothetical stages. If it were for him to move in February I would be so much more relaxed about it. I just hate that it is literally around my due date.
Insurance-wise the new job would pay his Cobra for him so we would have his insurance, we would just lose mine, so I guess it's not the end of the world. We would just possibly end up with copays...with mine the entire pregnancy has not cost me a dime, and the L&D was also 100% covered.
As stressful as it would be I know I could do it. I fully support this opportunity for him and I know I would be happy there. The timing just really blows. It would be so much to deal with in my ninth month.
Trying to take deep breaths:)
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
He didn't want to get too specific before meeting them face to face. He told them I was 8 months pregnant, but he did not tell them I was actually due about a week after they want us to move. He will if he goes this weekend.
I think there could be some flexibility, even if it mean he would go back and forth for the month of january and I move out after. I am more concerned with him being here for the birth, and not knowing exactly when that will be.
I know I just need to put it out of my head for the next week or so until we hear more concrete information.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
I know this is kinda a cheap shot, but any way your doc would put you on "modified" bed rest so that you wouldn't lose your std and would have extra insurance padding? In terms of giving birth, if you are on "bed rest", there is no reason you can't go to be with DH, give birth there. See if your daughter would be willing to tie up loose ends in LV.
Obviously, the timing isn't ideal, but for something that was your ideal move a few months ago, it seems worth it. Try to play the system to your advantage.
Funny enough, I was actually put on modified bed rest (and Procardia) Sunday for pre term contractions. They said until I hit the 35 week point, which is next Tuesday. I could definitely talk to him about keeping me on the bed rest so I can do everything I need to do here to get ready for the move. There is no way I will have time or energy if I go back to the 40 hours of standing all day. Although I may not have an answer by Tuesday. What about the 6 weeks STD after the birth...would it be totally wrong to take that if I was already out of state? (Ethically, yes, I know, but these circumstances are not easy). My employer does have a location in Southern California and I could use the guise of potentially transferring, although realistically it would be too far and too many hours (11 hour days with the commute).
My daughter actually lives in Seattle now and was planning to move in April when her bf gets deployed overseas. So I would need to go back and forth to tie up the loose ends most likely. It's a 5 hour drive...not too bad.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
good gods, worst timing! o.k. dont explode. this situation is life changing, but it isnt a disaster. Take a few deep breathes and smile because you guys are getting a chance at your dream!
Would this new job in Laguna (niguel, hills or beach? just curious, I am an orange county gal.) be willing to hold the position for him a couple weeks since your folks are waiting for baby to join you? Seems to me you guys have a great reason and he is the one they want. That would certainly solve the concern about him being there when you go into labor.
Could you afford to hire someone to come pack the house? There are companies that do that sort of thing, you dont touch the stuff, they pack you up and off you go. They can even pack away the stuff you cant fit in a new place, pack it into a P.O.D. or something.
Ditto to affording someone to come help you out everyday after LO is born until the move occurs? they have doulas for that too, and there is no way you are going to want to be alone immidiately after giving birth. or family member????
does that give you some help for the major concerns?
PS::
some local cities to Laguna area that are a bit less expensive, for you and the family member who was going to move.... Not sure which Laguna you are looking at.
Costa Mesa, Lake Forest, South Coast Metro, Tustin, Irvine is a great city for family, but a bit higher priced.
All these cities are close enough to the different parts of Laguna that renting or buying in them still puts him close to work. You don't have to live in Laguna. (or try to afford it)
Yes, I am grateful that this is a good problem to have...it could have come a couple months ago or after February, but it could be worse:)
The job is in Laguna Beach. The old manager doesn't leave until February but they really want the replacement (hopefully my H) to start early and work with him for a month or so. They want the first week of January, but I think it could be slightly flexible. If only this baby would let me know her exact arrival date!! If she comes late, it could really be a problem. I am entertaining the idea of inducing if he gets the job, because my desire to make sure my husband can be at the birth outweighs my desire for the labor to start naturally. If I can have her one week early, it would be very doable for him to wait and go out a few days later. My original due date was Jan 3rd anyways.
I could have my daughter fly home for a couple weeks to help me, and my husband's entire family is here in town too, so I would have support here if he had to go before I could. It would be sad that he may miss out on her first month 4-5 days a week, but he would come back on his days off.
As far as the cost of the move, that is a stress free bonus....I have heard the company pays up to $7500 for the move which is way more than enough. Hopefully that includes deposits and things like that towards a rental in Laguna. (Really hoping to find a cute tiny cottage with hardwood floors that allows dogs) They could do it all. I would just have to determine which would fit and which would have to be sold or stay here in our house as part of the rental. And I would have to clear out that damn garage. Blah. I am such a control freak, I have never allowed anyone to pack for me, but I think this will be a lesson in letting go, haha.
They called him again tonight and are having us come out this weekend for further interviews, a meal at the restaurant and a night at the resort on them:) Screw bedrest...I am going.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
Thanks for the info! I know Laguna Niguel is less than the beach too. He wants to minimize his commute, but we are open to other areas. If I were to continue to work, I wouldn't mind being close to South Coast Plaza. I work in luxury retail, and my current company has a boutique there, as well as any other place I would want to work. Really want to take a year off though.
Costa Mesa is a no...it is the home of his crazy ex, as well as his crazy sister who likes to mooch off of us and is not even that nice to me...so I want to stay out of their neighborhood, lol.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
alrighty!, now your in my nieghborhood. lol. I live literally up the road from South coast plaza. There are some wonderful apt complexes right there. Technically our apt is in Santa Ana, but everyone calls it South coast metro. I would recomend our complex, but they are older so dont have in home laundry set up, no bueno! I love the place but this just kills me! some nice housing communities too.
Anyway, I tried to PM you but it wouldnt let me.
oh well.
That's weird!
Thanks for the advice! A little house or townhouse with a yard would be nice. I know having 3 dogs is going to make it harder for us to find a place, but their combined weight is less than 20 lbs so maybe we will luck out.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
Yikes on the timing of this situation! Hopefully if your DH gets the offer, they'll work with him on the timing a bit. GL that everything works out for the best.
I'm in south OC and I personally don't think you'll have an issue finding a place to rent even with your 3 dogs. Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo - those are easily accessible to Laguna and you'd probably get more yard space and square footage for your money.