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2nd Trimester
lolabunny919
member
MIL and the sex of the baby...rant
lolabunny919
member
Background information- I don't have the best relationship with my MIL. She tried to break up DH and I before we were married. She never supported anything we did together- the wedding, buying a house, etc... We have been together for 10 years-married for 3 of those years. Last year, after DH told them that we would not be going on vacation with them (we never have before and I'm not really sure why they expected us to now) bc we wanted to put money towards updating our house since we were thinking about children, she flipped out and wrote DH a nasty email about me. DH responded and put her in her place. This resulted in a cut-off for a while, and now we are back on speaking terms (ie..pretending she never went crazy in her email to DH). FYI, DH has never been really close with his family. They never talk or hug...his family literally shows no emotion. DH is the complete opposite. Also, I get along fine with everyone else in the family, except they know the MIL is a controlling psycho and they just roll with it.
Anyway- DH and I are very excited as this is our first baby. He may actually be more excited than I am ;-). His family is "interested." They don't really ask me many questions about my pregnancy, but that's fine by me. So I text MIL a picture of the sonogram and she texts me back that she doesn't want to know the baby's sex....OK? She immediately follows up with a phone call and tells me that she doesn't want to know the baby's sex until it is born. OK??? I don't know if I'm biased bc I really don't love her...but I feel like this is an unreasonable request. Everyone else in my DH's family is already asking me if it's a boy or girl. My family will be throwing me a baby shower.
Does she really expect that people are going to keep the secret and not talk about the baby in front of her? Does she really think that DH and I won't talk about the baby in front of her?
I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this...or has anyone in your family made a similar request? Thoughts and opinions welcome ;-)
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Re: MIL and the sex of the baby...rant
hmmmm seems a little odd that she would request that but to each their own. I wouldn't go out of my way to specifically not talk about the baby in front of her. She can get up and leave the room if she doesn't want to hear.
Just like you everyone in my family is asking the sex, obviously it's too early to tell so I told them to get back to me next year hehe our u/s is Jan. 3rd.
haha...I am not keeping anything gender neutral. I'm planning on telling her husband, my FIL, bc I know he will slip and tell her ;-) I love him for that.
Oh, have no fear...I'm planning on talking about baby with anyone that is interested. I don't really care if she hears or not. I think she's psycho, but I'm just waiting for everyone else to realize it ;-)
My MIL also tried this with me, she was devastated that we found out and tried to make sure that no one would tell her. We ended up telling her that it was a ridiculous request and she could have it her way if she wanted but that would mean she couldn't come to the baby shower, see the nursery (which was neutral except for a few accents) or talk about the baby in case someone slipped up.
She soon came to her senses and asked what it was but at the time I was pretty cranky about it, DH and his mum aren't really close so he just laid it on the table and let her make up her own mind. Sorry you are dealing with this! FWIW I had a pretty bad relationship with my MIL until DS was born, since then we actually get along really well, it has helped a lot having a common ground, although she didn't actually try to break DH and I up.
I would probably but a "It's a boy/girl" shirt and "forget" you had it on when you see he sometime but I'm a *** like that. She is being unreasonable. It's one thing to be excited about having a grandchild but this isn't about her and she shouldn't be making demands like that.
My MIL made the opposite request. We aren't finding out but she wants to know. I love my MIL and she is great at keeping secrets so we will have the tech write it down for her. I also like that I can have gender specific things and still get the suprise.
It's like we were separated at birth ;-) hehe
That is completely crazy and unreasonable. Wouldn't she feel silly on the day the baby is born saying something like "oh, I can't believe it's a boy!" when everyone else around has known for months?
Get someone else to say something about your "baby boy" (or girl) in passing when she is around.
Selfish of her, trying to make it all about her wishes. As if you don't have enough to think about.
Good luck with this one! She sounds like a pill.
Old-fashioned ninny.
Just because she maybe didn't get to know until birth doesn't mean that in 2012 we can't appreciate our baby just as much while knowing what to expect.
The problem will obviously resolve itself if the rest of the world isn't keeping it a secret.
I'd just have your husband explain that since she is the one that doesn't want to know, she is responsible for making sure she doesn't find out accidentally.
It's like if she choose not to watch the Superbowl- she can't expect the newspapers and other people not to talk about the score. (Yes, that is totally stolen from How I Met Your Mother.)
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions. Now I know I'm not crazy for thinking that was an unreasonable request. :-)
I have no idea why she wanted to be "surprised," probably just a form of control since she has no other say in anything that happens in this pregnancy due to her past history.
Oh well, you can't help the crazy people ;-)
Agreed.