faced with my worst fear (long) — The Bump
Secondary IF

faced with my worst fear (long)

Well, I now know why I had an ectopic pregnancy. In the midst of my lowest lows in the hospital, I was so mad at God for taking our baby. But now, I am thanking him for saving my life.

I have breast cancer; there's no way I could battle this being pregnant. The suspicious lump they biopsied is indeed a cancerous tumor. I'm 28 years old, I'm in the best shape of my life. I have no prior family history of cancer. This is such a freak incident.

Here's the lowdown on my appt today. It was a whirlwind but I'm glad to know what I know now.

Type : Ductal Invasive cancer -- means the cancer cells inside of a milk duct has broken out and spread to nearby tissues. Ductal invasive is 50-75% of cancers so I have the most "common" type.

Grade: Mine is a grade 2 out of 3. Or "intermediate". Tumor grade relates to the structure of the cells and is different from tumor stage. In general, the more the cancer cells look like normal breast cells, the lower the grade and the better the prognosis.

Stage: They do not know this yet and won't know until surgery. It goes along w/ how far it's spread, if it's in the lymph nodes or not. At this point he does not have a reason to believe it's in the lymph nodes or spreading.

Also, my tumor is estrogen & progesterone positive which means in the future I will be treated by hormone therapy to BLOCK estrogen and keep it away, which will stop "feeding" the tumor.

I also took a genetic test for the BRAC mutation. That is the most common genetic strain and is linked to ovarian cancer.

So the plan. MRI on Thursday to check both breasts for anything else they haven't seen. Monday I'll meet with the oncologist to discuss my tenative treatment plan and with a plastic  surgeon to discuss implants/reconstruction. Ultimately the final outcome is a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Surgery will probably be in 2-3 weeks. I hope to have a surgery date nailed down next week. Then I will begin chemo a few weeks later. Not sure on the chemo plan yet but I know they suggested an aggressive treatment because I am so young.

Surprisingly I am feeling 'good' about all of this. Several people, including my breast dr suggested a specific oncologist to me. Turns out I am already seeing this Dr, as my hematologist, for my bleeding disorder. I feel like that isn't a coincidence, it's a God thing. I am really optimistic about the plan we have and I'm ready to get going. I want this DONE and out of my body. I am ready to kick its ass and come out on the other side fighting. I know with prayer & love/support we'll get through this!

Feel free to ask questions..I don't mind at all and I feel like talking about it really helps me cope.

7/09 miracle DD born
3/11 DX: lean PCOS/anovulatory
9/11 ovarian drilling to remove cysts + 5mg Femara = BFN
10/11 5 mg Femara again = BFP, ectopic pregnancy at 5w4d
11/11 diagnosed with breast cancer
12/11 bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction
http://annefightsback.blogspot.com
Dori
"Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"

Re: faced with my worst fear (long)

  • I am speechless and sobbing right now.  Saying I'm sorry doesn't even feel like enough b/c I mean so much more than that.  I cannot even believe that you are dealing with this right now. 

    I am happy you have a plan, but I'm not really happy.  I really do not know what to say.  I am beyond sorry and am praying with all that I have that you are squeaky clean and cancer free in a few weeks.  This is beyond unfair. 

    I am sending you distant healing and love with everything that I have.  You will be ok, Anne.  I don't even know how to end this b/c I will not stop thinking about this when I stop typing this.  My heart is with you and whatever I can do, please let me know xoxo
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    Doriimage
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
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  • I am sorry! That is so scary!  God is definitely watching over you.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers!  Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help!
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  • Everything Amanda just said.  I am at a complete loss for words.  My heart goes out to you and to your family.  But I have faith that SIF makes us stronger even if we refuse to believe it in the moment.  And I too believe in coincidences.  Stay positive and know we are here for you!
    Doriimage
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
  • I am so sorry on top of the 2IF you now have to deal with this. My sister is going through the exact same thing and she is 31.  Same type of cancer and same plan.  She is having a double mastectomy on Thurs.  My heart goes out to you and your family, life just isn't fair. 
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  • I am so sorry.. you are in my thoughts and prayers and please let us know if you need anything, anything at all. 
  • I am sooooo very sorry!!!  I have been tested for the BRCA gene as well as my sister.  She tested positive, and at 28, last Dec, had a prophalactic double mastectomy with reconstruction.  She said it was the best thing she has ever done.  I also have a friend who had dcis at 30, last year.  She is doing GREAT!

    I highly encourage you to check out these websites...the first one is for young women.

    https://www.bebrightpink.org/ and  

      https://www.facingourrisk.org/

     

    Hang in there!  If you have any questions please let me know!! Keep us posted! 

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    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
  • I am so sorry...I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through.  All throughout today I have been thinking about how unfair life is and this just confirms it even more.  It is great that you are doing a great job coping with all of this.  I will be praying and thinking about you....I hope that the surgery goes well and that you have a speedy recovery.  BIG ((HUGSS)
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  • I'm so sorry, SB. This is awful news and yet you are handling it so well. You have such poise. I don't know what I would feel or what my reaction would be, but I know that if I am ever facing breast cancer in the future, I will remember your grace.

    I will keep you in my thoughts (as you often have been in the last few months!) and I wish you a quick treatment. Being in as good of shape as you are, I bet you'll fly through. 

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  • I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know we don't "know" each other and I hope you don't mind me commenting on the thread, but I needed to tell you that you are in my thoughts and you sound amazing and like you have a great plan and mindset. 
  • I got to your second paragraph and got sick.  Absolutely worst nightmare.  But you are right to Thank God and everyone around you who caught it - Thank God. 

    I do have two questions: How was it discovered?

    And, do I remember correctly that you have PCOS?  That popped in my head when you said estrogen & progesterone positive... that the estrogen is feeding the cells - I can't help but wonder if hormonal imbalance contributes to this?

    In an attempt to look for a silver lining for you - your doctors sound proactive, and implants are way cooler than real ones nowadays.  Just think of how awesome you're going to look in those triangle bikini tops!  ;)

     

    Doriimage
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

    Miracle DD born 12.2005
    TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
    ***P/SAIF Always Welcome***

    Keep it Natural, Baby!
  • Wow - what a shock. I'm sorry. You've got a tough road ahead of you, and I really admire your warrior attitude. That will carry you through this. It may sound strange, but a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and now that she is on the other side she says it was such a blessing in disguise. Prayers and blessings to you as you begin this fight. Kick its a$$!
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  • OMG, what?  I am so sorry to hear this.  I admire your upbeat and positive attitude towards all of this, truly.  Best wishes to you and keep us updated.  Sending T&P your way.
    *My Loves, My Life, My Littles*

    02/18/11, 05/24/12 and 12/03/13



  • OMG, what?  I am so sorry to hear this.  I admire your upbeat and positive attitude towards all of this, truly.  Best wishes to you and keep us updated.  Sending T&P your way.
    *My Loves, My Life, My Littles*

    02/18/11, 05/24/12 and 12/03/13



  • Wow, I am speechless.  I am so sorry you are having to endure this on top of everything else.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    DD: Grace (8/19/2007)
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  • I'm really sorry to hear this.  It really puts things into perspective.  For a second time this week I am really thankful for the advanced technology that we have available.  It sounds like you were able to catch this early and you will have a good outcome.  You have a great attitude which would definitely help you along the way.  I admire you and your strength and wish I was able to be more like you.

    I will be thinking of you often.  Please update us when you can.  Sending love, Mk

    Our Girls
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    AquinnahDori
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
  • imageJMay:

    I got to your second paragraph and got sick.  Absolutely worst nightmare.  But you are right to Thank God and everyone around you who caught it - Thank God. 

    I do have two questions: How was it discovered?

    And, do I remember correctly that you have PCOS?  That popped in my head when you said estrogen & progesterone positive... that the estrogen is feeding the cells - I can't help but wonder if hormonal imbalance contributes to this?

    In an attempt to look for a silver lining for you - your doctors sound proactive, and implants are way cooler than real ones nowadays.  Just think of how awesome you're going to look in those triangle bikini tops!  ;)

     

    I actually found it back in July. I still don't know how, because I'm so terrible at remembering to do self exams. I brought it up to my OB, who agreed it felt weird, and since we were TTC, he sent me to ultrasound to follow up. It came back "suspicious mass", and then I was referred to the breast specialist for a biopsy. 

    I do have PCOS, and to be honest, I am terrified that it is somehow connected to this. I am hoping & praying I do not also have ovarian cancer and that's what's been causing all my ovary problems. I really hope it's just a huge, horrible coincidence. But now knowing it's estrogen & progesterone +, I know we've been "feeding" it with all this medication, agh. 

    7/09 miracle DD born
    3/11 DX: lean PCOS/anovulatory
    9/11 ovarian drilling to remove cysts + 5mg Femara = BFN
    10/11 5 mg Femara again = BFP, ectopic pregnancy at 5w4d
    11/11 diagnosed with breast cancer
    12/11 bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction
    http://annefightsback.blogspot.com
    Dori
    "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"
  • SB, I am so, so sorry!  I was just doing my usual lurking check in on everyone here and saw this. :(  I will be sending many, many thoughts and prayers your way.  You have a great attitude and I am sure that will help you kick cancer's a$$.  I hope that they find that the cancer has not spread and the surgery gets rid of all of it.  I don't know if there is anything that I can do, but if there is please let me know!
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  • imageSB524:
    imageJMay:

    I got to your second paragraph and got sick.  Absolutely worst nightmare.  But you are right to Thank God and everyone around you who caught it - Thank God. 

    I do have two questions: How was it discovered?

    And, do I remember correctly that you have PCOS?  That popped in my head when you said estrogen & progesterone positive... that the estrogen is feeding the cells - I can't help but wonder if hormonal imbalance contributes to this?

    In an attempt to look for a silver lining for you - your doctors sound proactive, and implants are way cooler than real ones nowadays.  Just think of how awesome you're going to look in those triangle bikini tops!  ;)

     

    I actually found it back in July. I still don't know how, because I'm so terrible at remembering to do self exams. I brought it up to my OB, who agreed it felt weird, and since we were TTC, he sent me to ultrasound to follow up. It came back "suspicious mass", and then I was referred to the breast specialist for a biopsy. 

    I do have PCOS, and to be honest, I am terrified that it is somehow connected to this. I am hoping & praying I do not also have ovarian cancer and that's what's been causing all my ovary problems. I really hope it's just a huge, horrible coincidence. But now knowing it's estrogen & progesterone +, I know we've been "feeding" it with all this medication, agh. 

    Thank you so much for answering.  I've been thinking of you constantly since reading your post.  Please know you won't leave my thoughts or prayers - I want to see you healthy and strong!  I know we're all really still strangers, but we all care about one another.  When one of the herd is in trouble, we're all there together.  Stay strong and know you have all of us here cheering you on!  I look forward to reading your updates of recovery and strength!

    Doriimage
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

    Miracle DD born 12.2005
    TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
    ***P/SAIF Always Welcome***

    Keep it Natural, Baby!
  • wow.  I am speechless and I don't know what to say either.  I am so glad that you found the lump and that your OB took it seriously.  I have worked in breast health for over 10 years and I have seen plenty of doctors not take young women seriously.

    I am happy that you have a plan and I am admiring your tough attitude.  We are all here to help and be supportive of you!  If you need anything just ask.

    T&P for you and your family.  ((HUGS))

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  • There are no words. I read this last night on my phone and have been in shock ever since. I have been trying to think of a wise response and just can't. Just know that we'll all be thinking and praying for you and your family.

    Also, your strength is inspiration for all of us. I think most of us would crumble after all you've been through the past month. Your bravery is incredible. We all love you and hope the next phase of your life goes better than expected. Also, we're here for you.

    Conceived DD after 15 cycles--- TTC #2 since 11/10---Me- Poor egg quality and supply---DH- Poor count and motility---2 rounds 75IU Follistim/IUI-BFN---5/12 150IU Follistim/IUI-Over-produced! Converted to IVF! 0 fertilized:( Rescue ICSI performed. 2 embryos transfered-BFN

    ---------Game Over---------

    Moving on as a family of 3
    Lou's Infertility News

    <a href="http://s863.photobucket.com/albums/ab199/lillinzlou2/?action=view
  • Lots and lots of love, prayers, and thoughts are with you!!
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  • Oh my gosh, I am in shock.  I don't even know what to say because there are no words.  "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem to be enough.  I cannot believe this has happened to you!  I am totally amazed by the tone of your post.  I think I would be a total mess yet you seem so strong and calm about all of it.  You are an amazing person.

    It's hard to believe that God would plan this for you but I agree with you that this didn't all happen this way just by coincidence.  I just know that this is all going to work out for you, especially with your positive attitude.  Hang in there and let us know if there's anything we can do.

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  • Thanks so much ladies, for all of your awesome support. I really feel like yall are my "family" through all this 2IF stuff. I hope you don't mind if I hang out with you even though we won't be TTC for quite a while. I'll pop in every now and then and cheer you guys on, and also update you with this fight. Because I refuse to believe anything other than everything is going to be ok!! 

    7/09 miracle DD born
    3/11 DX: lean PCOS/anovulatory
    9/11 ovarian drilling to remove cysts + 5mg Femara = BFN
    10/11 5 mg Femara again = BFP, ectopic pregnancy at 5w4d
    11/11 diagnosed with breast cancer
    12/11 bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction
    http://annefightsback.blogspot.com
    Dori
    "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"
  • imageSB524:

    Thanks so much ladies, for all of your awesome support. I really feel like yall are my "family" through all this 2IF stuff. I hope you don't mind if I hang out with you even though we won't be TTC for quite a while. I'll pop in every now and then and cheer you guys on, and also update you with this fight. Because I refuse to believe anything other than everything is going to be ok!! 

    I just came on here to check in, and was blown away by this. I cannot even begin to imagine how scary that must be for you. I mean, I can imagine a little because I had a call-back mammogram last month, but it all turned out OK. I just can't imagine what it would be like to get the other news.  Your attitude, though, is amazing, and that's what's going to see you through this.  It's not going to be easy, but you will do it! 

    A friend of mine out here just finished her chemo and will have her surgery right before Christmas. I will add you in to all of my prayers for her and her family.

    You are so strong. You will beat this.  

    Please stay in touch with us!

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  • Oh my goodness.  Thinking of you and sending lots of healthy thoughts your way.
  • I just thought I'd also add ...{to make it more like I'm a "real" person since I know we're technically strangers, but still sisters!}

    My name is Anne, my husband is Andy and our sweet baby girl is Claire. Just so you can put a name with a "face" if it helps you out Wink Thank you so much for all your prayers & support!!

    7/09 miracle DD born
    3/11 DX: lean PCOS/anovulatory
    9/11 ovarian drilling to remove cysts + 5mg Femara = BFN
    10/11 5 mg Femara again = BFP, ectopic pregnancy at 5w4d
    11/11 diagnosed with breast cancer
    12/11 bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction
    http://annefightsback.blogspot.com
    Dori
    "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"
  • I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. I am praying for you and thinking of you. ((hugs))
    My Little
  • Oh my gosh, I am speechless. I have no words to say other than I'm so sorry.  I really admire your positive attitude, and have no doubt that you will kick this.  Hang in there girl, and we are here for you. ((Hugs))
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  • Omg Anne! I cannot believe this!!! My thoughts and prayers are with you! Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to help. I wish I knew what to say. ((((huge hugs))))

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


  • Oh my word. I am so sorry. Hugs, and thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Praying they caught it early. I am a radiologic technologist and used to do mammograms before I became a SAHM....most breast cancers are VERY treatable. I pray for the best for you.
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  • i don't post on this board often but lurk alot, and i wanted to say i am so sorry to hear this and sending you the warmest prayers that i can. You are young and in good health and caught it early, so i believe you will come out of this just fine.
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  • I am so very sorry.  I don't even know what to say.  My heart breaks for you.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.  ((((hugs))))
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  • I am so sorry to read the news.  You and your family will definitely be in my thoughts & prayers!
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