A Clear Sign (Long)
I have posted several times about deer hunting and this is a story about that. If this bothers you, you should probably stop reading.
I had been deer hunting last year and this year with no success. I had spent at least 40 hours sitting still and quiet in a deer stand or blind only to freeze my toes. I was starting to lose hope. Two weekends ago, the last hours of hunting for me for the season, I had an epiphany. It was 20 minutes before the end of the season for me and I was siitting in a blind with my Dad. He looked at me and wispered, "Well, kid, I don't think we're going to see anything." I wispered back,"Story of my life. It seems like I've had to wait for everything that really means a lot to me. Maybe God is trying to teach me patience."
I sat back in my chair and thought about this for a few minutes. I had to wait for DH, I had to wait for DD, I'v been waiting for LO #2, I had to wait for several other smaller things that I wanted, as well. Could this be my life lesson? What if everyone has a life lesson? After a few minutes of these thoughts, 2 deer came out of the woods and started walking towards us. My heart started beating so hard I thought it would explode.
In the end, oddly enough, I ended up stopping both deer in their tracks.(It was too dark for my Dad to see) It was one of the best experiences of my life and I got to share it with my Dad. I know it was God telling me that I was right and that as soon as I released my tight grasp on this dream, it will come true. And maybe even better than I could ever imagine. Any time I feel myself thinking about TTC, I think about that day, my thoughts, my Dad's beaming face, and the instant calm that came over my 2IF mind. It was really a spiritual awakening and I now feel like I can officially throw up my hands and realize that I don't have ANY control over this aspect of my life.
This doesn't mean, of course, that we will not be seeking treatment. It does mean that my mindset is going to be much more relaxed and at ease. I feel so good. God is good.
---------Game Over---------
Moving on as a family of 3
Lou's Infertility News
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Re: A Clear Sign (Long)
BFP #2 11/4/12 EDD 7/20/12 missed M/C 12/13/12 @8w5d D&C 12/21/12
DX 2/7/13 with an alloimmunity + for anti-paternal antibodies started Lovenox daily & BA
BFP 2/16/13 EDD 10/28/13
Yes! I am such a control freak! If there is something I can get by doing something, I do what I need to do to get it. Things that I can't control have never come easy to me. I have always thought that was weird, but never really looked too deeply into it and let my impatience overpower.
---------Game Over---------
Moving on as a family of 3
Lou's Infertility News
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Yes!
---------Game Over---------
Moving on as a family of 3
Lou's Infertility News
<a href="http://s863.photobucket.com/albums/ab199/lillinzlou2/?action=view
I'm so glad! And, by the way, I see that you're from Indiana. That's where we were hunting. My entire extended family lives north of Fort Wayne.
---------Game Over---------
Moving on as a family of 3
Lou's Infertility News
<a href="http://s863.photobucket.com/albums/ab199/lillinzlou2/?action=view
I've got a good feeling about you lovey....it will happen for you!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
What a great story. I am like you that I like to have control over things. I struggle to find the strength to let things go but I am trying to work on it!
Thanks again for sharing your story.
Thank you so much for sharing! Actually sitting here typing this with tears in my eyes from reading this...because this is exactly my struggle too! And after last week of no embryo transfer and now having to wait until January (2 whole months) I've keep having to remind myself that I'm not in control...and when I can accept that and accept (fully) that God is it just takes so much pressure off! I just wish I could fast forward to the future to see what I needed to learn in this IF struggle...maybe it is that I need to let go of trying to control things and the because of the wait the outcome will be better than I ever imagined!
Thank you for the reminder!