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May 2012 Moms
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MIL vent

noycelanoycela member
in May 2012 Moms

I just had lunch with DH's step-mom and need to vent! This was my first time seeing her since my and DH's June wedding, so also the first time I've seen her during my pregnancy.  (She and my FIL live in town, but she travels all the time for work so while we see FIL frequently, we rarely see her.) 

 We were chatting about baby plans, how I'm feeling, etc., then out of the blue she brings up how offended/hurt she was that DH didn't usher her to her seat during our wedding. (DH ushered in my mom, his mom, both my grandmas, and his grandma ... she walked in with DH's step-dad).  I tried to just brush it off and change subjects because it was so awkward.  I wish I would have said "well, DH made all the decisions regarding his parents' / step parents' roles in the wedding, so that was his decision and maybe you should bring this up with him," but I was so caught off guard.  But, really?! She's going to bring this up to me 6 months after the wedding?? 

She doesn't have any kids of her own, and DH is an only child, so I know she saw our wedding and sees this baby as her chance to be involved like a parent/grandparent, but with her it's always a constant passive-aggressive guilt trip about how we're leaving her out, which does nothing but make us want to be around her even less.  And it drives me crazy because her comments are always to me rather than DH.  I just know it's going to get worse when the baby gets here, and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.  DH is completely on the same page as me, but I know I'll never get him to have a conversation with her about it - he just avoids her as much as possible.

Vent over.

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Re: MIL vent

  • blueshamrock7blueshamrock7 member
    How annoying! I hate it when we think of good responses in retrospect lol.
    --Danielle :-)
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  • GoldenJasperGoldenJasper
    I would have a conversation with her (with or without DH at this point) and ask her to please let us know what she is looking to get out of events rather than have us try and guess and then make us feel bad about a decision for years to come.  If she can make an effort to be more direct about her wishes, then you can attempt to accomodate them a lot more frequently then when guessing.

    ...Or you can tell her she can f off and quit guilt tripping you, but I've lost my patience with certain people saying one thing for months then giving me grief for believing that's what they wanted.
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  • farelenorefarelenore
    This is why I'm glad DH and I live in a state where we have NO FAMILY.  So we don't have to deal with passive agressive B.S. like this.
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  • noycelanoycela member

    imagehelenmarli:
    I would have a conversation with her (with or without DH at this point) and ask her to please let us know what she is looking to get out of events rather than have us try and guess and then make us feel bad about a decision for years to come.  If she can make an effort to be more direct about her wishes, then you can attempt to accomodate them a lot more frequently then when guessing.

    ...Or you can tell her she can f off and quit guilt tripping you, but I've lost my patience with certain people saying one thing for months then giving me grief for believing that's what they wanted.

     I had a conversation like that with her while I was planning the wedding and she kept commenting how she was "out of the loop." It didn't help. Im leaning towards f off at this point, haha 

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