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Adoption
HTT / Contracting Openness Agreements / Enforceability
The post below started my wheels turning, especially Dr. L's comments about how some states have started to make openess agreements legally enforceable. A little google research (ha!) confirms this fact. It looks like some states have enacted legislation that allows a BM to take the AP to court. The prevailing party can get attorneys' fees, but it seems most courts don't modify the original agreement unless circumstances warrant it.
I'm just curious how everyone feels about this trend. I'll type my thoughts in a separate post.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: HTT / Contracting Openness Agreements / Enforceability
While my view is obviously biased as an AP, I take issue with courts stepping in on these types of agreements. I strongly believe that all jurisdictions should view adoptive children (once finalized) these same as biological children. For all purposes (including estate laws). For this reason, I don't believe a court should impose visitation requirements on AP because they are the parents. As parents, you have the right to do what is best for your child. If you feel your child shouldn't have contact with the BF for whatever reason (drugs, lifestyle choices, etc.), you should have the right to say no. If your child doesn't want to visit BF, you should have the right to stop visits. If you move and neither party can afford to visit? Same deal. I just think there are too many circumstances that can change over 18 years and should not involve the court.
Second, I think adoption is difficult enough, and adding in a legally enforceable contract will increase the costs and difficulty of adopting.
I do recognize that AP promise BF's one thing and deliver another. Often as a means to induce BF into adoption. This is a problem. I'm not sure how you fix it, but I still don't think legally enforcing the openess agreement is the answer.
This is where I stand as well.
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I don't think it should be legally enforced, either.
I think when you adopt and make a promise to have contact with your child's birthparents, you should keep that promise. I also thing that the amount of contact/type of contact might change depending on a lot of circumstances - location, birthparents being involved with drugs/alcohol, etc.
I'd have to see how the laws were worded. Are legally enforceable agreements required? Can you file them voluntarily? Can you file paperwork to change the agreement? Can you refuse to file them? Can you not file them because of BP instability? Etc.
I don't think you can make a blanket statement either way.
As a BP, I think there's gotta be a way to put a clause to account for changes according to BP involvement in harmful activity and for big moves. I think these clauses could really be a comfort to BPs and APs.
My APs (I mean, not my parents, my LO's parents) didn't have us sign anything, and it feels weird to discuss expectations, even though I kind of want to now that DS is older. They don't live in state now, but visit every year. The past two years they haven't told us they came. I'm sure it wasn't to intentionally snub me or anything (and I'm certainly not involved in any worrisome behavior), but it's hard not to worry when no expectations have been set on either side. A paper like this could be helpful to broach the topic, as in, "Hey, I know you've moved, and there are lots of people to see when you visit, but I'd like to see LO if at all possible; do we need to draft a new paper?" Or something... I dunno! I don't want to "enforce my rights" because that doesn't make sense; I relinquished my rights. But I would like to see him if possible; I want him to know I care about him.
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Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
Homestudy complete July 19
USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
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The US Department of Health and Human Services has a webpage with lots of info on states' approaches to post-adoption contact agreements. (The focus of the webpage is on foster care adoptions, however, the laws in many states can apply to more than just foster care adoptions.) The wording of the statutes vary so much from state to state -- some states apply it only to foster care adoptions, some only to children above a certain age, some only to stepparent or relative adoptions, some allow siblings to be parties to contact agreements, etc.
https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/cooperative.cfm
Also, I will say that although I live in a state where these kind of enforceable agreements can be filed with the court, as far as I know they are hardly ever used here.
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I agree whole heartedly with Willis. The children are the APs children once the adoption is final and it's their responsibility to make descisions that are best for the child.
However, after reading srm's post above (BP), I feel terribly for BPs when the APs start to change how they interact. That's gotta be tough.
My thoughts are that if you start adding clauses as "outs," (e.g. change in circumstances, location, etc.), you gut the agreement I could draft a loosey goosey agreement that wouldn't mean diddle.
But I still keep coming back to the fact of involving a court in my child's life. It just doesn't sit right with me.
The additional expense gives me heartburn too
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FWIW, I have two different agreements. With C's BM, I sent pictures to the agency for the first year. With K's BM, I e-mail her pictures and updates at my discretion. I fully plan to uphold both and would give both of my children full contact info for their BP. If K wanted to meet her BM and BM was ok with it, I would help facilitate it. So I don't want to come off as a screw the BM/BF attitude.
With that said, I agree with a PP that once rights are terminated, the BM and BF have no more rights than a stranger on the street. Adoption is a different animal than something like divorce. It isn't a co-parenting situation. And the idea of "contracting" a child's life just doesn't go over well with me.
There is no way I would ever terminate our openness with DD's birthfamilies. I love her birthdad and I worry about him constantly because he's so down. The last time we talked, I cried for a half hour when we got off the phone. I frequently talk to her maternal grandmother, just randomly, just because we feel like chatting. They've truly become family.
I love DD's brothers, uncles, aunts and cousins. I can't imagine not having them in our lives. We're incredibly lucky to have gained such an amazing extra family.
I also can't imagine them being scary or crazy. If Kid2's birthfamilies are scary or crazy, it'll be a different story.
And no matter what has been signed, we should have the right to say, "You know what? This isn't conducive to our child's well-being anymore, and we can't do this. We'll review things when and if you get your life together."