Paternity Leave Meltdown

karma79 · November 2011

So it looks like DH will either be able to take very little time to no time off when LO arrives. Crying He works for a small company. I'm having a mjor meltdown over this and trying not to cry hysterically in my office right now. I'm scared to be home alone with the baby right off the bat. What if I have a c-section and am recovering from that too? What if I just suck as a mom?

Does anyone else have a DH that isn't going to be able to take off the first week LO is here?

xoladiebug · November 2011

I'm in the same boat as you...my husband will only be able to take a few days off, which means he'll probably only be able to be with me while in the hospital. Fortunately I have family in town, but they all have work obligations too. I'm not overwhelmed by the idea of being home alone (yet). My husband will just need to pick up the slack after work so I can get some rest and take care of myself too while recovering.

I think you'd be surprised how capable you are, and that you'll be able to do it without the help of your husband (all the time). Try to think positively and know that you WILL be a great mother ) ((hugs))

karma79 · November 2011

xoladiebug:

I'm in the same boat as you...my husband will only be able to take a few days off, which means he'll probably only be able to be with me while in the hospital. Fortunately I have family in town, but they all have work obligations too. I'm not overwhelmed by the idea of being home alone (yet). My husband will just need to pick up the slack after work so I can get some rest and take care of myself too while recovering.

I think you'd be surprised how capable you are, and that you'll be able to do it without the help of your husband (all the time). Try to think positively and know that you WILL be a great mother ) ((hugs))

Thank you for the words of encouragement, it means alot!

JoAnna914 · November 2011

Oh, honey!! Don't cry - it's going to be ok!

My DH works for his family's business, which, you would think, would be the perfect set-up for him to take time off . . . but he's the IT/Marketing/Tech guy, so he's always on call. I'm doubting that he'll be able to take the entire first week off.

And you know what? It'll be ok, because LO and I need to get ourselves settled with breast feeding, and DH may actually get in the way, lol. I think the most important thing we can do is just make sure that we have things at home set up so that we don't have to depend on DH or other people - i.e. lots of food in the house (or take-out menus handy, lol). I'm also spending my spare time making sure that all of my laundry (not just the baby's laundry) is done so I don't have to worry about my supply of sweats/clothes for two weeks straight.

We're going to be fine - we can do this. MILLIONS of women do this. You're not going to suck as a mom!

loupac · November 2011

My hubby gets TWO DAYS... that is it! Which is pretty much the hospital stay...

We have NO family in the area or even relativly close. My MIL is planning on coming to stay with us for a couple of weeks after we get home and settled, but those inital days at home alone are very stress-inducing if I dwell on it... so I TRY not to think about it...

I can hope (but knowing the liklihood is only 15%) but HOPE that I have the baby on Friday night.. That way I can have DH sat thru Tues. Four is better than two! LOL

LoriJ11 · November 2011

Deep breaths, mama! There is no possible way that you will suck at being a Mom. Remember, no one had a practice run at this. Some may have more experience, but no one has been a Mommy before. You do your best, and learn as you go. There is no wrong way when you are giving your LO unconditional love, even if it's not "right.". It is overwhelming now, but you will be ok. Big hugs.

smallfry5909 · November 2011

(((HUGS))) I know it'll be challenging, but you can do it! Do you have any friends/family members nearby that could come over and help during the day? Even just to hold LO while you nap/shower etc? That could make a huge difference.

johnnys june · November 2011

Oh, Lovey, you will be WONDERFUL! Women have been taking care of their babies straight from birth by themselves for centuries. It's already built in you. You'll power through! :-)

HBaylies · November 2011

My DH will get 2 weeks, but for 5 of those we will be in the hospital after the c/s, so he'll get about a week at home with us. I'm really not sure how I will do newborn care, work at BF'ing (which didn't work last time after huge effort so I ended up pumping for nearly a year), c/s recovery and take care of a 20 month old at the time. I can tell you that taking care of one after a c/s isn't so terrible. I had a crappy recovery the first time and DH was never able to get time off from his PT night and weekend job (only his day job) so I was able to care for DS as a NB for about 20 hours a week by myself right from the beginning. It can be done. Also, you won't suck as a mom! Everything that will need to kick in to make you awesome at it will.

candacek31 · November 2011

You are not going to suck as a mom!! You are going to be great! I have zero family or friends in a 3 hour radius so I am kind of in the same boat. DH is not going to use his paternity leave since he wouldn't get paid. He has saved up a ton of PTO and will probably take a week off. I would love for him to take 2 or 3 since he has the time but he might go crazy! ((((BIG HUGS))))

karma79 · November 2011

Thank you all, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this feeling. I guess it just kinda shocked me this morning but I'm working on a positive attitude.

Luckily DH works 2 min from the house so I know he will be coming home to see his little buddy everyday at lunch in the beginning.

Junebug060609 · November 2011

My DH only had 10 days. Granted thats way more than 2, but compared to those that got FMLA, it wasn't much. I was actually still in the hospital on Day 2 (had some complications from Pre-E). The good news though is that after the first 2 days I started to feel waaay better physically. The post delivery pains were waning quite a bit by then.

You'll be a fine mom, the fact that you are so concerned about it proves that. We're all figuring it out as we go, you won't be alone in that. Your worries about if you'll be any good are totally normal. Its a huge change for you, but its a huge change for the baby as well...and the two of you will figure one another out, just give it time.

BobbiJanay07 · November 2011

With Ollie my hubs only got the day I was having him off. So I got dumped with two kids as soon as I got home. You can do it.

lauralew · November 2011

Justin's employer is based out of Boston, and Massachusetts has some of the best policies (laws?) about health care, insurance, and paternity/maternity leave. He gets four weeks of paid paternity leave automatically, without having to use any vacation or sick leave. (Maternity leave is paid in full for 8 weeks for vaginal birth and 10 weeks for c/s!! Totes jealous of that.) I feel so incredibly blessed because I would be so upset, like you are, if he couldn't take off any time.

I would talk with family and friends to see if anyone is willing to come over and help. My mom spent many nights with my sister to help with feedings so my sister could at least get a few solid hours of sleep. My MIL wants to come up, too, and even thought I was hesitant at first, I am going to take her up on it. She is great at cooking, cleaning, and is actually pretty low maintenance...and I will need that.

Also, maybe some friends/family would make you some frozen meals, etc, to help out. I would tap into whatever resources you have.

And, finally, but most importantly...you will NOT suck as a mom. You will do great. Babies seem so fragile, but they aren't. You may make a mistake or two, but I know for sure you will never, ever do anything to harm them. Your fear is valid and one every woman has, but you don't need to focus on it. You ARE a wonderful mom!!

erbarmywife · November 2011

I know I'm having a c/s and I also know my hubs will only get to be home for 2 weeks (he works off shore, so he does 2weeks on, 2 weeks off). However, I don't know when during his 2weeks off that I will deliver, at least not yet. To top that off, I already have 2 kids at home. So, yeah, I feel ya. I freaked when I found that out, too. Fortunately, I have a cousin who doesn't work, and has offered a few times to come out and stay with me if I need it, so she will come out the week before the c/s and stay until I have been released PP. Just breath, and see if you can find someone to come stay with you if you feel uncomfortable. Good Luck, and ((HUGS))

LottaLattes · November 2011

You might also see if there is a girl you can have come over and be a "Mother's helper" for a few days if he can't be there. Usually you look for someone who is like 14-16 and can come over and wash dishes and help you prep dinner and even give you a short break if you need one.

You WILL be okay though, it'll be scary to think about but mostly you'll just be tending to the baby and sleeping in 2-4 hour increments 24 hours a day. And if you're BF, then he wouldn't have a lot to do to help, other than diaper changes.

It'll all be okay, I promise. *HUGS*

hlyn11 · November 2011

johnnys june:
Oh, Lovey, you will be WONDERFUL! Women have been taking care of their babies straight from birth by themselves for centuries. It's already built in you. You'll power through! :-)

My thoughts exactly!!

Don't worry...at least not yet. You will do fine and you might actually appreciate having time by yourself w/ the baby. In the hospital there are 8million people popping in and when you get home you can finally enjoy some peace and quiet. The baby will be okay too. You can put him/her in a swing or bouncy seat or in the crib when you need to shower or whatever. And if your home has more than one level, just make sure that you have supplies on each floor like diapers, wipes and blankets/burp rags. Then you won't have to do so much moving around. I had a c-section and a tri-level home and I just kept duplicates on each of the main floors that I spent time in. 2 boppy pillows also came in handy so I could BF wherever I was at the time.

(And speaking from experience you might honestly get sick of having DH around 24/7 if he was home for a long stretch of time...they tend to hover and want to help, but don't end up being all that helpful anyways!)

corndog8 · November 2011

smallfry5909:
(((HUGS))) I know it'll be challenging, but you can do it! Do you have any friends/family members nearby that could come over and help during the day? Even just to hold LO while you nap/shower etc? That could make a huge difference.

This plus maybe a neighbor? I'm sure you will do great and LO will be so happy to be home with you.

Paternity Leave Meltdown

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