MoM to-be and anxious about visitors

EveTyer24 · November 2011

I'm 35 weeks and on bed rest, ideally hoping to make it another 3 weeks to my scheduled date, but I'm already feeling anxious about visitors. I cant even imagine what it will be like once the babies come home, but becoming a ftm with two infants, who I really want to be able to EBF on top of having a c-section with visitors already stresses me out.

I feel comfortable telling most family and friends that I'm not ready for visitors at the beginning, but I can't deny my husbands family or even my brother and his family, who will be staying at my house.

Another reason I'm overwhelmed is because our bedroom is upstairs and I'm assuming I won't be able to go up and down the stairs after the c-section to feed the babies in privacy (even with my husbands help) when people are over.

Anyone else go through this? How'd you handle it?

jenn_darrin1515 · November 2011

our only bathroom was on the 2nd floor - so I was up and down stairs right away, just go slow and carefully and you will be fine.

I was inundated with visitors - we arrived home from the hospital and that day my ILs arrived in town and so did a ton of dh's fam (from oot - coming for SILs wedding that weekend)...it sucked having people in and out of my house and the ils camping out and I partially blame them for my bf failure (and also me for not telling them to GTFO or retreating to my bedroom) I strongly suggest setting boundries now on visiting time...and don't be afraid to go all hormonal mom on them if people are too in your face when you get home...you have to do what is right for you...GL!

hunt2005 · November 2011

I did stairs the day I was released from the hospital. Going up wasn't bad, coming down took a LOT of time. Just hold the hand rail, go slowly and you'll be okay.

As for visitors, we emailed out a letter to everyone we knew. Thanked them for their love and support, told them we appreciated their thoughts and prayers. And then asked for a few ground rules to be set:

1) If you have been sick in the last 10 days, or anyone in your family has, please do not come by.
2) Purell must be used immediately upon entering the house and before touching babies.
3) Children under 12 were welcome to stop by and look, but they would not be allowed to hold or touch the babies.
4) All visitors must call or schedule in advance to make sure we were not innundated with multiple people at once.

It was also understood in my home that if you weren't okay with my nursing my children, you were welcome to leave during feeding times. I would cover up if someone was there, but I wasn't going to be inconvenienced just for their sakes.

Sending a mass email was nice because then no one felt like it was directed at them, and we were able to be more lenient and people thought we were giving them special priviledges if we were

MaygenDL0ve · November 2011

Just stay in your bed in your bedroom, and keep your babies there, with your boobies out, and just do your thing. All the visitors to be like your little peons that can bring you drinks and food, but must knock on the door first. They must ask to hold or see your babies. You are the queen bee and they are the servants! If they are visiting, they better be helping, period!!! Cook, dishes, laundry, whatever, just put them to work and stay put in your bed!!!!!

LoveTravel · November 2011

We were mostly flooded with visitors at the hospital.

As far as at home, the only visitors I had were my MIL, her mom and my parents and sisters all of whom I was comfortable having around- IF someone was visiting when I had to nurse I would just go in the boys nursery, but if stairs are an issue in your case you could always get a nursing cover (depending on how comfortable) you are with your family. After a while that BF becamse easier to me I would just stay in the same room cover up when anyone was over.

I'm not sure how your family is, but they might be very helpful in caring for the boys if you want to take a nap or help cook/clean while you're recovering, running errands...it's hard to tell until that time comes.

TeacherTiff · November 2011

MaygenDL0ve:
Just stay in your bed in your bedroom, and keep your babies there, with your boobies out, and just do your thing. All the visitors to be like your little peons that can bring you drinks and food, but must knock on the door first. They must ask to hold or see your babies. You are the queen bee and they are the servants! If they are visiting, they better be helping, period!!! Cook, dishes, laundry, whatever, just put them to work and stay put in your bed!!!!!

Man, I wish that would fly in this house!

OP, I'm planning on getting this nursing pillow to help me stay somewhat covered when I'm around people. I'm not going to move just because they are around- if they are uncomfortable, then they can leave!

Fancy3Face · November 2011

Visitor anxiety is normal. Around this time I started getting anxious too. We had visitors the first week and the respected our "rules". Since our babies were 36 weekers they were technically considered preemies, so we followed all the precautions there. I went a step further and asked all our family who visited to get the pertussis vaccine. None of them had an issue with it. When they were a couple weeks old, friends started visiting and I was a little more relaxed as far as visitors go.

If you're not comfortable with visitors in the beginning, just tell your family that. They should respect you wanting to bond with your babies and have family time. If they don't, that's not your problem.

Our bedroom is upstairs too and I had no issues going up and down. Although after a while it got old and I just used a cover to pump and breastfeed downstairs. I had a scheduled c-section and was off all pain meds by discharge. I followed lifting restrictions, but I healed quickly and was back to most of my routine by the time I came home.

Good luck!

EveTyer24 · November 2011

Thanks for all of your responses and laughs! Definitely helped me feel a little better, especially knowing stairs are doable. I really appreciate it!

Temp123197812503460 · November 2011

MaygenDL0ve:
Just stay in your bed in your bedroom, and keep your babies there, with your boobies out, and just do your thing. All the visitors to be like your little peons that can bring you drinks and food, but must knock on the door first. They must ask to hold or see your babies. You are the queen bee and they are the servants! If they are visiting, they better be helping, period!!! Cook, dishes, laundry, whatever, just put them to work and stay put in your bed!!!!!

Best.advice.ever!!! This is basically what I did the first few weeks and I'm sure it's why I was sucessful at EBFing the babies.

amanda31H · November 2011

First of all can you brother and his family stay elsewhere?

As far as visitors go, we only had immediate family over the first 2 weeks, and it was always a day-to-day decision on who came and how many. We said no extended family or our friends for the first 2 weeks. I was perfectly comfortable saying that. I was also BF and still getting the hang of everything. After that 2 week mark, we just asked people to call first. If it wasn't a good day, I just said so.

My bedroom and our only bathroom is upstairs. Like PP said, after your c-section just take it really slow. Also , any time I went upstairs I would just always use the bathroom while I was up there. I had no issues. My friend had a harder recovery with her c-section. Her only bathroom was on the first floor and her bedroom was upstairs. She used a bedpan at night. Not ideal, but like I said she had a rough recovery (she also labored for several hours), so it worked for her.

sail123 · November 2011

amanda31H:
First of all can you brother and his family stay elsewhere?

This was my first thought as well.

kaitley44 · November 2011

sail123:
amanda31H:
First of all can you brother and his family stay elsewhere?
This was my first thought as well.

This was my thought as well. I think the best thing you can do is to ask your inlaws and brother to stay somewhere else!! and/or stay in you bedroom the whole time with the babies and make your house guests your servants.

If you are able to stay in your room, you can close the door and control the amount of time you are with them.

ColleenS629 · November 2011

I had my mom here for a week after I got home from the hospital and she kind of played bouncer for me. She also brought me stuff upstairs so that I only had to do the stairs once a day (that's all I was allowed). I still am ending up with some unwelcome visitors because I have a hard time standing up for myself to extended family and friends, but I am trying to tell people that the pedi doesn't want the babies around too many people. Anyone that does come over has to wash hands and use Purell before coming near the babies.

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