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Crystal318
member
Is he different now than he was in the beginning of seperation?
Crystal318
member
I am at the beginning of what I think is going to be a long hard road. I know my ex is going to make this as difficult as possible.
Did your ex make you feel like he was going to fight you? Make your life miserable? Try to take LO? Etc?
In a way, I feel like my ex is only trying to make me think this way to scare me. I think that when it comes down to it, he is really too lazy and too selfish to take care of LO on his own.
Did any of your exes act like this? How many of them actually followed through? How long did it take for them to give up?
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Re: Is he different now than he was in the beginning of seperation?
Sigh, I wish I could say that he was, and up until about a week ago I would've said that.
It depends on who, exactly, your ex is. My XH is a former drug addict that has serious personality disorder issues so I think these are the contributing factors to his behavior.
Many of the threats that they spew are just that, threats. Still, it's difficult not to get emotionally disturbed by things that are being said because it involves our children and hits so close to home.
Much of what he's saying is likely a scare tactic. I would limit contact AS MUCH as possible. Can you keep it to just email? Ask your attorney about what to do with situations like these. Hopefully he'll calm down and it won't drag on like this forever. That being said, I am over two years out and still dealing with some things like what you have mentioned. The key is to try your best not to let it get to you, know your rights (knowledge is power) and limit the contact.
All of this. My EX still tries to threaten me, and he is constantly mean to me. I limit ::avoid:: contact with him at all times. The only time we talk now is when he is confirming visitation. If he sends a text I ignore it.
Make sure you stay strong and do not fall for his manipulative tactics. He is trying to gain control over you and once he does, it'll get worse. Once my EX realized he wasn't in control he backed off.
It has definitely gotten easier for me.
He still says he's going to fight every thing except 50/50. However, in mediation we've been able to agree to quite a bit (and definitely NOT 50/50). It also helps that I figured out he wants 50/50 so he doesn't pay much in child support. Once I figured that out I realized we could compromise on a temporary basis that he gets overnights but he picks him up right before dinner (when X gets off work) and I pick him up the next morning. So he really spends little time with DS (therefore I don't have to worry about DS as much) but he gets his precious overnight for the child support calcs. My attorney expects that we will compromise after a family investigator meets with us. It will probably be 1 overnight a week and a couple of hours 2x / week.
This exactly. I am in the beginning stages of all of this too. My ex was a very good charmer/manipulator and I fell for all of it. Now he threatens that he's going to take her from me and that he has more money than I do so when she gets older she will choose him over me. My lawyer said, because he can't control me anymore he's trying to control me through our daughter. It make me sick to my stomach!!! The thought of him makes my skin crawl... The bad part is that we only dated for 3 months when I got pregnant so I never really got to know him and his anger problems/mental issues/drug abuse,etc. He has even gone as far as filing for custody of MY daughter. He never even wanted her and offered me $25k to have an abortion. I have made myself sick over all of this but I have come to the realization that I have to be strong for my daughter and not dwell on his threats. We go to court on Friday. He has only seen her about 9 times in the 8 1/2 months that she's been born. (his choosing) I am going for supervised visitation. But he already isn't abiding by the courts. He was supposed to take a parenting class appointed by the judge twice, which he still hasn't taken, and he was supposed to file a response within 30 days of our last court date and he has not done that either. He is just a POS and tries to do anything to make my life a living hell. Good luck and be strong. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to vent or talk more. I can totally relate to your situation!
The beginning is by far the worst part. Everything is new and fresh, from the emotions of your marriage/relationship ending to the battles of custody and child support.
In the beginning of our separation, XH was fine. We mutually agreed to EOW visitation, he paid for half of daycare and he told me that everything in the house (including the house) was mine and DS's and that he had taken everything he wanted.
Once I filed for divorce (3 months later), XH flipped out, saying that he wanted 50/50 custody and if I wouldn't give it to him he would be forced to go after what was fair (meaning the house). We went back and forth for about a month and I refused to back down. I knew DS was far too young for 50/50 visitation, not to metnion that XH's work schedule wouldn't work with that kind of arrangement. Long story short, I have full physical custody with XH having EOW and Wednesday PM visitation. He only takes advantage of his EOW visits. I agreed to have CS lowered because I knew XH was broke and would rather him pay what was ordered than simply say "well I can't afford that so I just won't pay it".
He still claims that he's the victim in all of this, saying he lost everything, when in reality he's the one who walked away from all of it and gave it to me and DS. He tries telling me I bankrupted him, took his son from him, blah blah blah. He hasn't made the realization that his choice in life (good and bad) are what got him to where he is today. Nothing more.
Sorry that got long. Basically, stick to your guns no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Like pp said, your X is using this as a scare tactic. Don't let him tell you what the law says -- let your attorney tell you that. Don't forget that you are your LO's only advocate -- remember that and fight for what is best for him!
I agree with PP's. The beginning in the worst. Ex and I split up while I was still pregnant and he used to make all kinds of crazy threats. He'd tell me he was moving out of state and going for 50%/50% custody. I even knew at the time that he was bluffing but it was still so hard and it still freaked me out and caused so much stress.
He didn't follow through with any of his threats. Like your ex, mine is way too selfish and lazy to take care of a baby all the time. We're still fighting things out in court, but it's not over any of the things he threatened me with.
If you think your Ex is bluffing, he most likely is. I know it's so hard to not let him get to you, but do your best to stay calm. It will get better with time!