Single Parents
L&D and a STBXH vent
Hey. I've only posted over here once so far. STBXH and I haven't separated yet, it's just a matter of weeks now. We're kinda waiting on his move to a new duty station. But, the baby is due soon and I don't know how to feel about everything. It's so hard being around other pregnant couples and knowing I don't have that support from the one person I thought I had it from and the one person who was supposed to be going through this with me. And I don't think I can handle having him in the room when the baby comes, but he already knows that. What I know I won't be able to handle is if he's in the room at all during labor, and he starts texting...I will lose it! He's always texting and calling the other woman, even though I've asked him not to do so in front of me. I know my mom should be with me, but I still feel so alone in this. Anyone go through this and have any advice? If not, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks ladies.
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Re: L&D and a STBXH vent
I am going through the same issue. And this is what I have come to, with help from my therapist- I can't do it. I can't allow him in the room. The reason is not because I want to keep him out because I hate him, which most days I do now, It's because I am not strong enough. I can't pretend to have that family moment and then watch him leave after.
I also believe that he choose to move on with his life, which includes this part. I am going to have my mom in the room, and she will contact XH when I go into delivery. He will be at the hospital, and will have time to see the baby on his own, in a private viewing room. But not in my room.
I am getting pressure on this from other women, mostly. They tell me I am stopping him from bonding with the baby. I figure if he won't bond with the baby because I kept him out of my delivery room, he isn't going to bond, period. He has shown zero actions in regards to this baby, but his words to other people are very pretty. I am on 22 hour bed rest, and he told me I should stop "using it" to make him come back home. I asked him to help out with picking up groceries since I am not able to. I have since worked all that out with supportive friends.
It comes down to what YOU want. Nothing else. Make yourself strong, and surround yourself with people who support you. You deserve it.
i wasn't married when my daugher was born but her father and I had a tension filled situation close to my delivery. He demanded that I call him when I was in labor so that he could be there for the delivery. I told him No. He could either wait in the waiting room and come in after I was done. Or I could call him after she's born and he get there whenever. He wasn't happy. But my health (& happiness) & the baby's health trump his "right" to be in the delivery room. You're not obligated to have him there, your only "obligation" is to get your baby here safely! If you think having your STBXH there is going to make you uncomfortable or stress you out during what is already a stressful time, then ask him to wait in the waiting room or ask him to turn his cell phone off.
My mother, godmother, and sister were there the entire time I was in labor up until I got wheeled out for my c-section and I'm so grateful to have that positive support. I know in my heart, with him there, I wouldn't have had the wonderful labor experience that I did.
I know it's tough, but hang in there and do what's best for YOU!