does it make you mad... — The Bump
Secondary IF

does it make you mad...

...that some women seem to get pregnant in a snap? I know, dumb question, and of course I'm happy for friends and acquaintances who get pg easily. But it also pisses me off in a poor-me-pity-party way.
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Re: does it make you mad...

  • It makes me mad in a "life is just not fair to me for some reason" sort of way.  
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  • Oh, most definitely.  This has happened twice with my SIL.  We tried for over a year on our own and then went through IF treatment to conceive DD, and DH's brother and SIL got pregnant like 2 days after they got married without trying while we were going through IF treatment.  And, now, they are pg with #2, again with no effort.  I try to be happy for them, but it irks me.  Especially because they such a "holier than art thou" attitude.
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  • Absolutely.  I am crazy enough to believe that the harder you work toward having a baby, the more you deserve one.  Yup, I'm that psycho Embarrassed
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    Doriimage
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  • I am the same way.  I am trying to work through it.  Not doing a very good job at it  lol
  • Honestly? No. I just figure they are them and I am me. I mean, I've got really big boobs and most people don't. ;) Seriously though, it's never bothered me. Now, the fact that I saw like 20 newborns or pregnant chicks at dinner bothered me, but who knows how long it took them to get that way KWIM?
  • I've had a lot of time to think about this, and in general, my answer is "no" it doesn't piss me off, because that's how its supposed to work.  It might make me irritated with my body, but not with the people who got pregnant... EXCEPT... when those people getting pregnant so quickly already have 2 kids placed with the State, or are 15 & too stupid (horny!) to prevent it, or are on food stamps or welfare and can't afford the life they have, or are in the midst of a divorce but "get lucky" with a chance encounter... that's the stuff that really pisses me off.  But that would piss me off regardless of 2IF!  :D

     

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  • I don't think it makes me angry...it makes me jealous.  I think that is almost worse than being angry.  I know I shouldn't be jealous...ugh
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  • It doesn't make me mad but it definitely starts the "poor me" downward spiral.

    I look forward to the day when someone can announce a pregnancy or birth without me thinking about myself and the big hole that 2IF has created in my heart.

    Soon my husband and I will be in a different stage of life when our social group/extended family is all just raising the children we have rather than expanding our families. That will cut down on the number of announcements. And, hopefully by that time I will have healed psychologically so that I can handle the news. Because now - it sets me off in a bad way -- every.single.time.

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    ttc #2 since 6/09 ** au naturel (many months) = bfn ** acupuncture + herbs (many months) = bfn ** acupuncture + herbs + IUI (2 rounds) = bfn ** gonal f + ovidrel + IUI (7 rounds) = bfn ** IVF w/ICSI+PGD - all embryos arrested 4/28/12 GAME OVER ** image >
  • It used to really upset me and would send me into a spiral when someone would announce their pregnancy after a month of trying or not trying at all.

    Then, my sister said something that really helped. She told me that we never know what struggles people have had to go through. This lady may have gotten pregnant easily, but maybe she had an abusive father. We never know. This just happens to be our struggle.

    I have been meditating on this and other rational ideas and it's really helped me come to terms with this. I am now happy for people who are pregnant. Besides, I have never met a homely IF baby. Look at all our signatures. They are all the cutest little stinkers. I think this is God's little wink.

    Conceived DD after 15 cycles--- TTC #2 since 11/10---Me- Poor egg quality and supply---DH- Poor count and motility---2 rounds 75IU Follistim/IUI-BFN---5/12 150IU Follistim/IUI-Over-produced! Converted to IVF! 0 fertilized:( Rescue ICSI performed. 2 embryos transfered-BFN

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  • No, it doesn't make me mad, especially since this was me with DS.  He was conceived first month trying.  Although being the obsessive person that I am, I had already been charting and I tried all the "TTC tricks"--Mucinex, Pre-Seed, vitamin B6, OPKs, etc.

    It is frustrating to me that it was so easy the first time and this time it has been so hard.  But I totally agree with lilinzlou that everyone has a cross to bear or struggles to deal with.  Yes, with DS I got pregnant really easily.  But the pregnancy ended with one of my worst possible outcomes--a c-section when I was planning an unmedicated birth.   I had some post-partum depression and the first month of his life was pretty miserable for me.  And now I have to deal with 2IF.  Sometimes I wonder if the 2IF is a punishment for being so proud of conceiving quickly the first time.

    I don't agree that people who struggled to get pregnant love their babies more.  There's no way that I could love DS any more than I already do.  And I won't love my next baby more than him either, despite that baby # 2 is taking a lot more time and effort to get here. 

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  • imagelillinzlou:

     

    Then, my sister said something that really helped. She told me that we never know what struggles people have had to go through. This lady may have gotten pregnant easily, but maybe she had an abusive father. We never know. This just happens to be our struggle.

     

    I don't get mad, but I do feel jealous, and b/c this is my struggle, sometimes I honestly can't imagine what could possibly be so hard about a life where you could conceive your children easily, plan when they are born, and have as many kids as you want. And I find myself assuming that everyone who announces their pregnancy conceived on the very first try...which probably isn't the case. BUT when I'm in a healthier frame of mind, I try to remember the above statement. This is my struggle, and everyone has something sooner or later.

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  • imagesmalltownmama:
    imagelillinzlou:

     

    Then, my sister said something that really helped. She told me that we never know what struggles people have had to go through. This lady may have gotten pregnant easily, but maybe she had an abusive father. We never know. This just happens to be our struggle.

     

    I don't get mad, but I do feel jealous, and b/c this is my struggle, sometimes I honestly can't imagine what could possibly be so hard about a life where you could conceive your children easily, plan when they are born, and have as many kids as you want. And I find myself assuming that everyone who announces their pregnancy conceived on the very first try...which probably isn't the case. BUT when I'm in a healthier frame of mind, I try to remember the above statement. This is my struggle, and everyone has something sooner or later.

    As much as I aim for what the above ladies said, yes, sometimes I get really mad.  Sometimes not. But what really irritates me is when people who didn't have any troubles are all pollyanna that nothing will or can go wrong, and/or announce their pg right on top of someone else's bad pregnancy news, like the other day what happened on FB.  Maybe it shouldn't have ticked me off, but it did.  And I don't know, maybe she has had struggles, but it was a poorly timed announcement.

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