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Pre-School and Daycare
Should we consider a behavioral evaluation? - Advice needed
S turned 3 in September. He's always been a high energy kid, with a short attention span which I figured was normal. It just seems he's not getting better. Also, his tantrums, which again I thought might start subsiding, seem to be getting worse in severity. He screams himself hoarse, he bites himself, he bangs his head... usually over bedtime, but over other minute things too - what kind of cup I give him, even if it's the cup he asks for or the shirt he picked out that he doesn't want to wear. We use a variety of disciplinary methods, including a swat to the bottom, timeouts, taking things away - none are effective. He typically doesn't listen at all. He blatantly ignores directions and seems to lack impulse control. He will repeatedly do the same action even after being told to stop. If I can, I force him to stop or do something else, but if I'm by myself with both boys it's not always possible and it's very frustrating. One of my friends has encouraged me to get him evaluated, she really feels that his behavior is outside of normal range but then I spoke to another friend and she's like "my girls did that stuff too." I know there's a wide range of normal, even his pedi said he's on the rambunctious side but didn't seem to think there was a problem really. Do I press the issue? Would you?
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Re: Should we consider a behavioral evaluation? - Advice needed
ditto PP - might as well get him evaluated.
what does LO's doctor and/or teachers think?
On one hand they tell me he's normal, but then in the next sentence they'll tell me he's different than any other kid - he's got awesome language skills so they always tell me how smart he is but then they'll say he's "his own person" and has "his own world." Socially, he's on track... he plays well with others normally I think - he has trouble sharing but most his age still struggle with that. He can be so sweet and loving but then turn around and be so mean... just this morning I watched him practically pick his brother up and throw him to the ground to get him out of his way. That's probably normal sibling rivalry, eh? LOL
I have the same cooperation issues with DD minus the anger and tantrums. DD will whine and cry and sometimes scream, but that has gotten a hair better lately, and was never the main issue. She just doesn't do what she's supposed to do or told. Ever. I've been working closely with her teacher because he has to ask her to leave circle time every day for not sitting correctly, getting up and moving, etc. We've had 2 good days so I'm hoping we've turned a corner, but it's just 2 days
I'd say his behavior is normal- maybe a bit extreme. As pp.'s said you could get him evaluated, but I'd be cautious. You don't want your 3 year old getting slapped with a diagnosis that will follow him. Especially if it's just a normal 3yo phase. I reached my wit's end last Tuesday night, and was whining to some strangers (yeah I know lol). Both happened to have 3 year olds and older kids, too. They both said that their 3 year olds are the same way, as were the older kids, but they grew out of it.
GL and I feel your pain.
I just took my DS to a therapist (child psych) two weeks ago and plan to continue to go to find out why he lacks impulse control and is aggressive and injurious to DD. I dragged my feet about it, but figured it could only help, and I really wanted some reassurance that I was doing everything I can. Turns out that I mostly am and that DS is one of the small percentage of kids who are not fazed by "normal" discipline techniques (time outs, taking toys away, etc.) and we will be working toward finding better strategies. The therapist told me that it was good I made the appt. because his aggression is above and beyond the norm and we need to get a handle on it now.
So, it really can't hurt.
I think your parental instincts are telling you somethings not right and you should. My DS has definite behavior issues and was probably at his worst at age 3. He was just at bad at "school" (daycare) as he was at home which is not normal, even his pediatrician agreed. We did get an evaluation-we weren't looking for confirmation-but solutions. We did get some tips but for the most part we were already doing what we should be doing-mainly standing our ground.
I don't know if I'd do an evaluation so much as see a behavioral therapist. Does it really matter what the evaluation says? You still need to figure out a good way to deal with this behavior and keep things productive. I'm not even sure that they would be able to tell you much at 3 y/o, particularly since kids change so much from 3 to 5 y/o. Many 3 y/o's are very intense in comparison to others, but mellow out with time. In some ways, only time will tell if there is a bigger issue here or not.
I can tell you that in my own DS, he did exhibit this behavior at 3 y/o and he did end up having ADHD. But, he really couldn't be dx'd with it until 5-6 y/o. We managed on our own with Love and Logic techniques since choices seemed to help DS. But, we would have benefited greatly from therapy, particularly around age 4 when we started receiving a lot of pressure from school for him to behave a certain way that was completely out of his or our ability to control. A lot of his tantrums came from frustration in not being able to control things that were asked of him. But, there wasn't much we could do until he was old enough to take medications b/c therapy only goes so far with him.
At the same time, I exhibited many of the behaviors DS did at the same age and I have no developmental issues that I am aware of. Just a stubborn mule.