Talk about Buyers Remorse (looong)
I posted last month about how SIL thought DH and I were talking about her (and absolutely weren't) so she "told us off" at Disney. Well we resolved it and everything was fine. The Disney thing was only 2 weeks after she flipped out on DH for scolding her son for hitting Justin with a plastic hammer.
They didn't show up to Thanksgiving. They were supposed to come late for dessert because they had other stops- no biggie. When they called and said they couldn't come b/c the kids were nightmares, I bit my tongue and closed my big mouth b/c of the Disney "mishap". Well tonight she texts me, "Wow. Heard u had a lot to say about us at Thanksgiving- thought you would understand if anyone would." ... I was cooking/cleaning for 35 people and taking care of 3 kids SIL, I didn't have time to talk about you! wtf.There was probably steam coming off of my head.
She's gotten super confrontational and defensive lately and it's making me not want to be around her. I did the grown up thing and told her it hurts my feelings and makes me mad that she doesn't trust me, so she's says "I do trust you. I shouldn't listen to rumors. We're fine, let's drop it". I'm not fine. I'm sick of being "told off".
Anywho- we have this big all inclusive trip with them in March to Playa Del Carmen. I'm not really in the mood to drink margaritas on the beach with someone who's always jumping down my throat. Things are so tense. We've plunked down a lot of money and even paid 2 of our cousin's ways to come with us to nanny. I sooooooo want to cancel. I just want to pick up DH and the kiddos and move to an island somewhere... just the 5 of us- no drama.
Re: Talk about Buyers Remorse (looong)
ugh..I'm sorry you are going through that and I wouldnt want to travel with someone who was being a major "B" either...
how did she hear you were "talking about her" at thanksgiving? Who is feeding into this nonsense?
and you might be going to playa with them but you dont necessarily have to hang with them (which resort are you guys going to?)
She says it wasn't MIL this time. My common sense says it was GMIL b/c she watches their baby on Tuesday mornings and then I'm sure SIL stayed to chat. GMIL was obviously upset to not see the kids on thanksgiving (they are her LIFE) but she won't say anything to "upset" anyone so I'm betting she played it off like I was the mad one.
Truth be told- if her kids are being nightmares I don't really want them at my house anyways.
Sounds to me like something is going on with her and she's just taking it out on you. I agree that the vacation might be tense, but you can always try to do as much with just the 5 of you as you can.
Sometimes, being around family can be so drama-filled! Yes, we still have some drama being so far away at times, but I know that if we still lived near family, our lives would be 1000x more stressful. I love them and miss them tons, but I've learned over the last couple of years that our family is better off having some distance between us and my extended family. It's sad, but true.
It is. She's having a lot of behavior problems with her son. The pre-K teacher pointed out that he refuses to listen, when we have family parties he hits a lot, says mean things to her, he spit on my DH, at Justin's bday he would NOT leave his gifts alone and threw a ridiculous tantrum. MIL watched their kids for the weekend and told me all she did was yell at them. She said she wanted to "sit SIL down because he kids think they run the show and it's out of control". I think she's frustrated that Justin isn't that way (1% strict parenting, 99% luck that he's an easy kid) and takes it out on me.
This makes a lot of sense. And maybe just talking it out with this in mind can help. I wouldn't offer her parenting advice unless she reaches out...but she should definitely talk to her son's ped about this behavior stuff. We aren't dealing with behavior stuff with Evan - but even with the developmental delays...if I had to see Justin and Evan together all the time, their differences would really, really upset me. So I GET that part...but not the whole resenting you for it. I'm sure it's more of a jealousy thing. Hopefully with a little more work on their part they can turn things around. I'm sure the school can offer tips or recs to go somewhere for help too. I know there are behavioral therapists that can come to their home. But I don't know if they would be willing to go through all the hoops to make that happen. They would need to get him evaluated by the school district and all that.
But I would get her attitude towards you out in the open. Just blurt it all out - even if just over facebook/email if you think she would have a hard time face to face. I would tell her exactly how you feel..that she snips at you, etc. and say that you are family and you want to help her if she needs it - but you aren't going to just take being treated this way.
GL!!!