Today marks exactly one week since I felt my baby slip away and had to say goodbye. Today is a bit more rough than some of the other days. It's still very new and fresh and it's frustrating when my mother keeps urging me to move forward and move on and telling me that joy will come again. I understand that. But hearing it over and over from the same person tends to bring up more pain than healing. I'm fully aware of the need to start moving forward, but after only a week? I need a bit more time.
I'm trying so hard to be gracious towards people because I know they mean well. I'm grateful for their love and concern. It's just difficult to internalize when you're still in a dark place.
Re: It's been one week today
I am so sorry. It was very hard for me to deal with my mother as well. Her response when I told her about the loss was that she was sad, but that "it" happens to a lot of people. Just not her of course becuase she got pregnant the first month she tried each time and her pregnancies were fine. What a lovely comment from the person that is supposed to support me the most.
One week is not enough, for me one month was not enough. Several months later I am still sad nearly every day, but the feelings stay for a shorter an shorter time each time I have them. There is no set time frame, it is different for everyone. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
BFP#1 10 wk missed mc
BFP#2 DS born at 40+2 on 8/14/12 BFP#3 DD Born at 39+3 on 5/13/14
This whole situation is such a test of operating with grace, huh? I am with you - people don't mean harm, and they don't mean to be upsetting. They think that because they tell you it's common, happens to a lot of people, it will be better that they are helping.
It's so odd to me the things that people choose to say. If someone shared a cancer diagnosis, no one would ever say "it happens to a lot of people, you will be fine" - just because something is common doesn't make it less painful. And telling people to move on or move forward is not helpful when they are not ready.
I am lucky (I guess) that my mom had 4 miscarriages and has been so empathetic, explaining exactly what to expect physically and emotionally -- so that has been nice, but the few friends I have that know are not being helpful really. I don't think they know what to say, so they say they're sorry but they don't proactively ask "how are you feeling/doing?" Like the things that would start a conversation about it and make you feel comfortable sharing.
It is hard when people mean well but you're not mentally or emotionally ready to accept whatever form of "support" they are offering.