Bring your day care opinions

iloveeatingcheese · November 2011

So I am a SAHM and send my 3yr old to day care. He plays with his cousins there and other kids and makes some little crafts and learns and loves it. But I can pick him up anytime he is sick since I am at home. I think it's great for him to socialize with other kids and the adults there.

It annoys me when people say I am lazy because I send him there for a few hours a day. Does it help me get housework done, well yeah, but I do it since his cousins are there and they loved it, so I started sending him for the experience.

WDYT??

He's beside me on the floor playing with Iron Man perfectly content and loved by his mommy and daddy.

ETA I'm gonna get off of here and take him up for a bath, so I'll read the responses later.

pensparade · November 2011

No. I think it's a totally good thing. I think kids NEED daycare. It teaches them serious social skills that are hard to pick up if they're home with the same person all day every day.

mrs_j_may_08 · November 2011

pensparade:
No. I think it's a totally good thing. I think kids NEED daycare. It teaches them serious social skills that are hard to pick up if they're home with the same person all day every day.

I agree with this!

beth6287 · November 2011

I think that is just fine. A kid needs socialization with other children. If you dropped them off because you didn't feel like dealing with them then that would be a problem but that doesn't seem to be why you are doing it. As long as you can afford it and they have fun and enjoy it I don't see a problem with it.

jeffsjayme · November 2011

I don't think kids NEED daycare. That's like saying kids that have a SAHM who don't go to daycare are being deprived. Different strokes for different folks.

What kids need (want so badly) is attention and playmates. If you do that through daycare, great. I don't see it being any different than a Mommy-and-me or a MOPS class or regular playdates with those same cousins.

But, really, you knew that...as if we say "you're horrible for not caring for him 24 hours/day, 7 days/week", you'd think we're loony.

pensparade · November 2011

beth6287:
I think that is just fine. A kid needs socialization with other children. If you dropped them off because you didn't feel like dealing with them then that would be a problem but that doesn't seem to be why you are doing it. As long as you can afford it and they have fun and enjoy it I don't see a problem with it.

All of this. I can't tell you how much my daughter has learned in daycare. I think it's a wonderful thing!

katieh1017 · November 2011

I'm a FTM but a lot of my friends SAH and a majority of them have their kids in some type of program. Whether its a couple days a week or what. I think it's a great idea and wouldn't think any less of them. If I were to SAH I would do the same.

gekeler6 · November 2011

I think it's great!!! Kids like a little something different to do and to play with others. If it's lazy then it costs a lot to be lazy Wink

Besides when little one comes you will get more alone time, while you DS gets to play and have fun!!!

CM1206 · November 2011

As a day care teacher I get parents like this all the time and it's more than fine. What kills me is when my SAH moms drop their kids off at 6:30am when we open and don't come back til we close at 6:30pm, 5 days a week. I have kids who cry for me when at home. Parents who treat their kids like fashion accessories. I'm all for socialization and I think what you're doing is great.

mamabear0813 · November 2011

pensparade:
No. I think it's a totally good thing. I think kids NEED daycare. It teaches them serious social skills that are hard to pick up if they're home with the same person all day every day.

two things.

1) I disagree with this. I think kids need social interaction, but the only way to get that is NOT daycare. I have several friends with kids my sons age and we get together and he plays with other kids and learns about sharing and all that without me sending him to daycare. He also learns to respect other adults when my friends tell him no or step in to referee a baby-fight over a toy or something.

2) I do not, however, judge parents who do this. There are a lot of days that i wish I had the money to do this. I do think, though, that I benefit a lot from our playdates as much or more than DS does. Instead of sending him to daycare and doing what I need to at home, and still not interacting in person with other people, I am taking him to a playdate for him to have fun AND interact with a friend. We talk about everything from parenting to gossip to our love lives and diets.

If it works for you, I think it's marvelous, it just wouldn't work right for us because I would still end up being at home by myself, because I don't have the money to join a gym or go out and spend a lot of money eating lunch with friends or anything like that. It's cheaper for me to bring snacks to every other playdate at a friends house, and everyone benefits the same amount.

ADub09 · November 2011

I have a few opinions on this:

1) I don't think kids NEED daycare, kids NEED socialization, if you can only get that at daycare then fine. I personally think taking your kid to play groups and classes etc is great. My nephews are 3.5 and have never been in daycare (they are looked after by my mum) but she takes them to a different class or playgroup every day, they have been going to science, soccer etc school since they were a little over 1. They now go to preschool 2 mornings a week, and the are amazing kids.

2) I have seen the effects first hand of kids that have had no socialization at all and it is scary they are SO behind in social skills when they get to Kindergarten.

It sounds to me like you consider it more of a play group then daycare. I personally think the benefit of being a SAHM is avoiding daycare and being able to spend time with your kids on several different levels. How lucky you are to be able to go to all kinds of different activities etc with your child ~ I would much prefer doing that then sending them to someone else at daycare but that is just me.

DevonPow · November 2011

I am a SAHM and had a part time nanny until he was 2 and he as been in part time "school" programs since then. I could care less what people think about it. DH works incredibly long hours and we have no family in state. Not only do I think it is good for DS, but it is good for ME. We do a ton of classes, playgroups, etc together and have since he was born. It balances things out for me.

Mrs.Teddy · November 2011

I think its fine. As others said they don't NEED it, they do need socialization and intercation in some form, if this is the way you meet those needs then great. I can't tell you what I woudl do if I were a SAHM since I work. DS goes to daycare one or two days a week when we need him too. I don't send him when I'm home, it just doens't feel right to me. I want to spend my days home with him, but thats probably because my days at work are spent away from him.

I don't think I would send him everyday if I were home tho, money wise we couldn't afford it and I like having him home. I'm not saying that in a judgemental way tho. His entire first year I was home on mat leave and we did playgroups and mommy and me classes and kept busy but he didn't start daycare until I returned to work. I don't plan on keeping him home while I am home next year tho, I think at this point its too much of a good thing and a routine. And I"m looking forward to some one on one with Ducky as well.

SKWCM80 · November 2011

I think it's fine. About this time last year I took a month off work between jobs to decompress, and DD still went to daycare a few times a week. She loved her daycare, and I needed to get some time to get things done. It was a win/win situation.

mamabear0813 · November 2011

SKWCM80:
I think it's fine. About this time last year I took a month off work between jobs to decompress, and DD still went to daycare a few times a week. She loved her daycare, and I needed to get some time to get things done. It was a win/win situation.

This makes so much sense, though. If you had taken DD out of daycare for the month it would have messed up her routine!

FusionLMT · November 2011

I don't think kids NEED daycare. That is just ludicrous. I doubt we will ever send our kids to a daycare/pre-school program. But we do go somewhere almost everyday, are involved in playgroups, and once our kids are older we will be enrolling them in different activities such as soccer, ballet, instrument lessons, etc. Our son also spends a day each week with his grandma doing fun things and definitely doesn't lack on social interactions. I would just rather save that money for something that I feel is more worthwhile. The cost of even a 2 day a week preschool program to me doesn't make sense to just learn how to share and do art projects when I can definitely teach all of that myself. We also plan on having 4 kids too though, and each spaced 18-24 months apart if possible, so the cost would just be silly with me mainly being a SAHM (I work very part-time a couple evenings a week as a massage therapist). If you can afford it and it helps you out though, more power to you! Everyone makes their own decisions for their own family, and I know plenty of SAHMs in my playgroups that do the daycare/preschool thing.

Daisy41459 · November 2011

I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm a teacher, and obviously home during the summer, but I still sent DS to daycare a few days every couple of weeks. I did it for both of us...to give me some time to get things done around that house that would be impossible to do with him here and to keep him use to the routine/give him socialization with his friends.

I felt guilty and judged at first, but it works for us. And honestly, this summer, with a newborn at home, I will probably send him once a week all summer long (in addition to other play groups).

pensparade · November 2011

FusionLMT:
I don't think kids NEED daycare. That is just ludicrous

Then I guess I'm ludicrous! I just think daycare is really important. To each her own!

MrsE05 · November 2011

I do think daycare is very important. I know they can get socialization from playing with children of friends and family members but I also think they need more than just the socialization with kids. What about being away from mom? I think that it is important for kids to get used to listening and following the directions of another adult when mom and dad are not around, (and not someone who is a family member). I think it's also a good idea for kids to get used to having a schedule where they need to go somewhere outside of the house and come back at a certian time. It gets them ready for when they reach the elementary school level.

With that said, I'm not saying that if they don't go to daycare they aren't ready for school. Parents can expose this to their kids in other ways. I'm just saying don't feel guilty about daycare because it could provide these positve experiences.

Edit: Changed wording

mamabear0813 · November 2011

MrsE05:
I do think daycare is very important. I know they can get socialization from playing with children of friends and family members but I also think they need more than just the socialization with kids. What about being away from mom? I think that it is important for kids to get used to listening and following the directions of another adult when mom and dad are not around, (and not someone who is a family member). I think it's also a good idea for kids to get used to having a schedule where they need to go somewhere outside of the house and come back at a certian time. It gets them ready for when they reach the elementary school level.
With that said, I'm not saying that if they don't go to daycare they aren't ready for school. Parents can expose this to their kids in other ways. I'm just saying don't feel guilty about daycare because it could provide these positve experiences.
Edit: Changed wording

I think you underestimate kids/people a little. You can teach your kids to respect other adults without giving your kids to other people all day every day (or even a few days a week for a few hours at a time) If you teach your kids to respect adult family members, that will carry over to all adults. Going by the logic you're using, you'd teach your kid to respect teachers, but not police officers, so you need to let your kids spend time with police officers to make sure they learn to respect them too. And librarians, and store clerks and mailmen etc... But that isn't necessary. If you enforce the rules around all the family members, and they learn that when one adult says something, that is the final word they will be able to carry that over to all adults.

I also believe firmly that kids don't need time away from mom. At least not in the sense of actually not being in the same place. Sure, they may not need you to hold their hand on the slide at some point, so go sit on a bench and let your kid play! But they still need you at the playground. They aren't learning independence from you. They are simply relying on a different adult to give them the guidance you'd be giving them at home. And the same comforting and nurturing. I don't think that is a super important lesson unless you intend on not being around at some point. Kids learn independence with SAHM's who never put them in any program. At first babies need to be held almost constantly to be reassured that their needs will be met. As they age and develop they'll be able to lay on the floor with you next to them for a few minutes at a time. Then they'll be able to be a few feet away for a few minutes. Then they'll be able to sit on the floor with their toys for a few minutes while you are on the other side of the room. Then the time increases that they feel comfortable without you close enough to touch. That is increasing independence. It grows until they are happy being anywhere they can see you. Then anywhere they can hear your voice. Then simply knowing you're close by or in the house while they play outside.The reason they become independent is because they have learned, through experience, that you will be there when they need you. That's what independence for a child is. It's not NOT needing a parent, it's their ability to live their life knowing that when they do need a parent, there is a parent there.

When you need to or choose to put your child in daycare they are learning independence in the same way. Only instead of learning that YOU will be there, they learn that the care provider will be there. It happens the same way, just with a different person. Kids don't learn independence in the sense that adults think, where they no longer rely on adults or other people. They learn independence in the sense that they are comfortable with the knowledge that when they do need help, it will be available.

dixee.deluxe · November 2011

I was just home with DD for a whole week. Seven whole days. OMG, I could never be a SAHM. You won't get any side-eyes from me!

I'm lucky because my MIL does our daycare. Just want to put that out there. So while she's not home with me, she's not in a daycare situation. Luckily, she's good with others so far. As she gets older, we'll look into a preschool program. If for nothing else, to give MIL a break!

MrsE05 · November 2011

mamabear0813:
MrsE05:
I do think daycare is very important. I know they can get socialization from playing with children of friends and family members but I also think they need more than just the socialization with kids. What about being away from mom? I think that it is important for kids to get used to listening and following the directions of another adult when mom and dad are not around, (and not someone who is a family member). I think it's also a good idea for kids to get used to having a schedule where they need to go somewhere outside of the house and come back at a certian time. It gets them ready for when they reach the elementary school level.
With that said, I'm not saying that if they don't go to daycare they aren't ready for school. Parents can expose this to their kids in other ways. I'm just saying don't feel guilty about daycare because it could provide these positve experiences.
Edit: Changed wording

I think you underestimate kids/people a little. You can teach your kids to respect other adults without giving your kids to other people all day every day (or even a few days a week for a few hours at a time) If you teach your kids to respect adult family members, that will carry over to all adults. Going by the logic you're using, you'd teach your kid to respect teachers, but not police officers, so you need to let your kids spend time with police officers to make sure they learn to respect them too. And librarians, and store clerks and mailmen etc... But that isn't necessary. If you enforce the rules around all the family members, and they learn that when one adult says something, that is the final word they will be able to carry that over to all adults.
I also believe firmly that kids don't need time away from mom. At least not in the sense of actually not being in the same place. Sure, they may not need you to hold their hand on the slide at some point, so go sit on a bench and let your kid play! But they still need you at the playground. They aren't learning independence from you. They are simply relying on a different adult to give them the guidance you'd be giving them at home. And the same comforting and nurturing. I don't think that is a super important lesson unless you intend on not being around at some point. Kids learn independence with SAHM's who never put them in any program. At first babies need to be held almost constantly to be reassured that their needs will be met. As they age and develop they'll be able to lay on the floor with you next to them for a few minutes at a time. Then they'll be able to be a few feet away for a few minutes. Then they'll be able to sit on the floor with their toys for a few minutes while you are on the other side of the room. Then the time increases that they feel comfortable without you close enough to touch. That is increasing independence. It grows until they are happy being anywhere they can see you. Then anywhere they can hear your voice. Then simply knowing you're close by or in the house while they play outside.The reason they become independent is because they have learned, through experience, that you will be there when they need you. That's what independence for a child is. It's not NOT needing a parent, it's their ability to live their life knowing that when they do need a parent, there is a parent there.
When you need to or choose to put your child in daycare they are learning independence in the same way. Only instead of learning that YOU will be there, they learn that the care provider will be there. It happens the same way, just with a different person. Kids don't learn independence in the sense that adults think, where they no longer rely on adults or other people. They learn independence in the sense that they are comfortable with the knowledge that when they do need help, it will be available.

I totally get what you are saying, that is why I ended with this:

"With that said, I'm not saying that if they don't go to daycare they aren't ready for school. Parents can expose this to their kids in other ways. I'm just saying don't feel guilty about daycare because it could provide these positve experiences."

My point was that daycare can be very beneficial and she shouldn't feel guilty.

FusionLMT · November 2011

pensparade:
FusionLMT:
I don't think kids NEED daycare. That is just ludicrous
Then I guess I'm ludicrous! I just think daycare is really important. To each her own!

Just as a PP said, to say they NEED it is so judgmental of the SAHMs that can't even afford it.

"If your child is participating in play dates and seeing other children," developmental progress "happens quite naturally" at home, says Kathleen McCartney, dean of the Harvard Graduate School of Education. "Do all children need preschool? Absolutely not. Would most children benefit from it? Yes."

mamabear0813 · November 2011

MrsE05:
mamabear0813:
MrsE05:
I do think daycare is very important. I know they can get socialization from playing with children of friends and family members but I also think they need more than just the socialization with kids. What about being away from mom? I think that it is important for kids to get used to listening and following the directions of another adult when mom and dad are not around, (and not someone who is a family member). I think it's also a good idea for kids to get used to having a schedule where they need to go somewhere outside of the house and come back at a certian time. It gets them ready for when they reach the elementary school level.
With that said, I'm not saying that if they don't go to daycare they aren't ready for school. Parents can expose this to their kids in other ways. I'm just saying don't feel guilty about daycare because it could provide these positve experiences.
Edit: Changed wording

I think you underestimate kids/people a little. You can teach your kids to respect other adults without giving your kids to other people all day every day (or even a few days a week for a few hours at a time) If you teach your kids to respect adult family members, that will carry over to all adults. Going by the logic you're using, you'd teach your kid to respect teachers, but not police officers, so you need to let your kids spend time with police officers to make sure they learn to respect them too. And librarians, and store clerks and mailmen etc... But that isn't necessary. If you enforce the rules around all the family members, and they learn that when one adult says something, that is the final word they will be able to carry that over to all adults.
I also believe firmly that kids don't need time away from mom. At least not in the sense of actually not being in the same place. Sure, they may not need you to hold their hand on the slide at some point, so go sit on a bench and let your kid play! But they still need you at the playground. They aren't learning independence from you. They are simply relying on a different adult to give them the guidance you'd be giving them at home. And the same comforting and nurturing. I don't think that is a super important lesson unless you intend on not being around at some point. Kids learn independence with SAHM's who never put them in any program. At first babies need to be held almost constantly to be reassured that their needs will be met. As they age and develop they'll be able to lay on the floor with you next to them for a few minutes at a time. Then they'll be able to be a few feet away for a few minutes. Then they'll be able to sit on the floor with their toys for a few minutes while you are on the other side of the room. Then the time increases that they feel comfortable without you close enough to touch. That is increasing independence. It grows until they are happy being anywhere they can see you. Then anywhere they can hear your voice. Then simply knowing you're close by or in the house while they play outside.The reason they become independent is because they have learned, through experience, that you will be there when they need you. That's what independence for a child is. It's not NOT needing a parent, it's their ability to live their life knowing that when they do need a parent, there is a parent there.
When you need to or choose to put your child in daycare they are learning independence in the same way. Only instead of learning that YOU will be there, they learn that the care provider will be there. It happens the same way, just with a different person. Kids don't learn independence in the sense that adults think, where they no longer rely on adults or other people. They learn independence in the sense that they are comfortable with the knowledge that when they do need help, it will be available.
I totally get what you are saying, that is why I ended with this:
"With that said, I'm not saying that if they don't go to daycare they aren't ready for school. Parents can expose this to their kids in other ways. I'm just saying don't feel guilty about daycare because it could provide these positve experiences."
My point was that daycare can be very beneficial and she shouldn't feel guilty.

Well, the body of your post insinuated that sending your kids to daycare is a superior way of teaching your kids to respect adults and learn independence and that the "other ways" parents can provide this is inferior or sub-par. If you teach your kids to respect you, they will respect other adults, family or strangers. If you teach your child that help will be there when they need it, they'll become independent. Whether you, the parent, are teaching those things or a care provider is doing it won't make a huge difference in the long run.

And I agree that the OP should not feel guilty. There are some decisions that parents have to make to be able to balance running a household and raising a child. If letting her child spend time at daycare with cousins makes her life easier and saner and makes her a better mother when she's actively parenting, that's the exact choice she should make no matter what anyone else says. I think that goes for almost every parenting decision a person can make. Formula feeding/breastfeeding, co-sleeping/crib sleeping, baby-wearing/stroller pushing. The reason there are options are because parents need them.

pensparade · November 2011

I said that. And what I said was that "I think kids NEED daycare."

I said "I think" because that's just my opinion. It's not a fact, just an opinion. Judgmental or not. The argument goes both ways.

reillyroowho · November 2011

As a Kindergarten teacher I can pick out the kids that have had daycare/preK experience within the first 10 minutes of school. They are comfortable having a life outside of mom and the home. That is just how it goes. All research will show that students with preK experience are more successful in Kindergarten. This being said, the research I am familiar with doesn't really discuss daycare, just preschool.

I DO think it is interesting how fiercely defensive SAHMs are about this. The idea that your child can have benefits at daycare that they CANNOT get at home should not be so offensive...doesn't make what you do at home bad. Just like studies that show that children that learn more than one language in the home shouldn't be upsetting just because that isn't really a reality for you.

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