"disappointed" in the gender of the baby??!! Seriously?!

racampbell1 · November 2011

This has probably been addressed here before, but as someone who has been through two devastating losses, I can't for the life of me understand WHY someone would have the nerve to say out loud that they are disappointed that they are having a boy/girl. WTF??!! Aren't you grateful that you could get pregnant on your own after just a couple months of trying and you have what appears to be a healthy baby? Ungrateful b!tch, pull your head out of your a$$!! Sorry, but that's how I feel. Doesn't help that I'm not a huge fan of this person already... this just confirms it. Ugh.

prestonsmomma · November 2011

Ive seen this discussed a few times on here. This is my take on it.. My little boy was stillborn. I had so many hopes and dreams of a baby boy. That was taken from me. I have a daughter already, and this is my last baby (if I get to bring it home). So that being siad, I would like for this baby to be a boy, I wont be mad but maybe a little disappointed. I have a group of 7 women, we all had a stillbirth in 09, they all have gone on to have another baby..each one said that when they found out the sex ( only one had the same sex as they lost) they were disappointed and cried while getting scanned. I wouldnt say thats ungrateful. Statistically you will have opposite of what you lose, in a stillbirth situation. Dont know how true this is, just heard it in my support group. So with that, Ive prepared myself that Im probably going to have a girl. Its not like I wont love her as much as Iwould have a boy or anything like that,

aadewitt · November 2011

I want both a boy and a girl (though pref not at the same time) I do get PPs poind about if you have one sex you might prefer the other. DH kept saying he wanted all girls...the 1st time I was PG I yelled at him saying well be happy with whatever we get. THis time is even more true. (though Ill admit I do wish to have a girl 1st) But, Id take any baby even if it had both parts on it.

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lauralew · November 2011

I kind of teeter back and forth on this. Yes, I agree with you that people should just be grateful their a/s showed a healthy baby. However, I can also understand how people feel disappointed. I know my best friend cried after finding out she was having a boy because she was so certain she was having a girl. She had several dreams where she saw a girl baby. Obviously, her logic told her that wasn't a guarantee, but her heart told her differently.

And honestly, if these twins were two boys, I would have had a feeling of disappointment, too. I can't really explain why, but I think I would have. But in the long run, most people with gender disappointment come around and realize their baby is going to be awesome whether it's a boy or a girl.

But, when you've experienced a loss, yes that is a definite sting to see someone upset about something good. That's why if I felt that way I would talk to my husband about it, not on the bump. Or maybe my sister or best friend.

Prestonsmommy: for some reason I always assumed it would easier to have the opposite sex of the child you lost...not idea why I thought that...but I definitely understand how you explained it. Thanks for that insight.

racampbell1 · November 2011

prestonsmomma:

Ive seen this discussed a few times on here. This is my take on it.. My little boy was stillborn. I had so many hopes and dreams of a baby boy. That was taken from me. I have a daughter already, and this is my last baby (if I get to bring it home). So that being siad, I would like for this baby to be a boy, I wont be mad but maybe a little disappointed. I have a group of 7 women, we all had a stillbirth in 09, they all have gone on to have another baby..each one said that when they found out the sex ( only one had the same sex as they lost) they were disappointed and cried while getting scanned. I wouldnt say thats ungrateful. Statistically you will have opposite of what you lose, in a stillbirth situation. Dont know how true this is, just heard it in my support group. So with that, Ive prepared myself that Im probably going to have a girl. Its not like I wont love her as much as Iwould have a boy or anything like that,

This I can understand MUCH MUCH more than someone who has had no trouble getting pregnant, has had no losses is just mad that she's getting the same sex the second time around, and hasn't ruled out having #3. I didn't mean to come across as insensitive to someone in your situation and I'm sorry if it came out that way.

LDW80 · November 2011

I wouldn't say I had gender disappointment when I found out this LO was a girl (our 3rd daughter and final baby) but I was sad that the dream I have always had of having at least one son will never be. I really thought I was carrying a boy this time so when the u/s tech announced "girl" I was honestly shocked. Now I just can't picture myself with a boy and am completely blessed beyond words that I am carrying a healthy baby.

mamacrunch · November 2011

I try to remember them people live in the "don't know what they got till it's gone" world.

I really try to ignore it, but I scream the same thing in my head.

prestonsmomma · November 2011

lauralew:

I kind of teeter back and forth on this. Yes, I agree with you that people should just be grateful their a/s showed a healthy baby. However, I can also understand how people feel disappointed. I know my best friend cried after finding out she was having a boy because she was so certain she was having a girl. She had several dreams where she saw a girl baby. Obviously, her logic told her that wasn't a guarantee, but her heart told her differently.

And honestly, if these twins were two boys, I would have had a feeling of disappointment, too. I can't really explain why, but I think I would have. But in the long run, most people with gender disappointment come around and realize their baby is going to be awesome whether it's a boy or a girl.

But, when you've experienced a loss, yes that is a definite sting to see someone upset about something good. That's why if I felt that way I would talk to my husband about it, not on the bump. Or maybe my sister or best friend.

Prestonsmommy: for some reason I always assumed it would easier to have the opposite sex of the child you lost...not idea why I thought that...but I definitely understand how you explained it. Thanks for that insight.

I think if I had gotten pg right after he passed away, I would have not been able to seperate the 2 if I had another boy. But since its been 2 1/2 years Ive had enough time to process and mourn him that I would be able to now. ...does that make sense??

prestonsmomma · November 2011

racampbell1:
prestonsmomma:

Ive seen this discussed a few times on here. This is my take on it.. My little boy was stillborn. I had so many hopes and dreams of a baby boy. That was taken from me. I have a daughter already, and this is my last baby (if I get to bring it home). So that being siad, I would like for this baby to be a boy, I wont be mad but maybe a little disappointed. I have a group of 7 women, we all had a stillbirth in 09, they all have gone on to have another baby..each one said that when they found out the sex ( only one had the same sex as they lost) they were disappointed and cried while getting scanned. I wouldnt say thats ungrateful. Statistically you will have opposite of what you lose, in a stillbirth situation. Dont know how true this is, just heard it in my support group. So with that, Ive prepared myself that Im probably going to have a girl. Its not like I wont love her as much as Iwould have a boy or anything like that,

This I can understand MUCH MUCH more than someone who has had no trouble getting pregnant, has had no losses is just mad that she's getting the same sex the second time around, and hasn't ruled out having #3. I didn't mean to come across as insensitive to someone in your situation and I'm sorry if it came out that way.

You didnt come across insensitive at all. But in that situation (no losses, will probably have more), yes thats a little annoying!

Cercamom2011 · November 2011

We're just so happy to be pregnant that we don't care what we have. Although, DH and I would both admit that the thought of having another little girl would be tough for our first take home baby. We would never want to view this child as a replacement for the one we lost. Either way, we are not going to be disappointed. We weren't the first time, and we aren't now.

mwitter80 · November 2011

We've decided to only have one more child, because we already have a boy, we would like to have a girl. We will both be happy either way, but we are wishing for a girl. I don't think losses play a big part into wanting something. We all obviously want babies either way,

gardenandread · November 2011

I am so excited to be having another child, and I know I'll be thrilled in the end no matter if this LO is a boy or a girl. I'll be honest and say that if this baby isn't a girl, I might be a little disappointed initially. Not because I wouldn't love another boy- because I would. But, because after losing two pregnancies, I am not sure I want to risk the heartache involved in TTCAL, again. If we have a boy, and we decide we are done having kids, that little girl I'm hoping for will just be a dream that never happens. But, I would also be totally happy to have a little boy and be able to give DS a brother to grow up with!