LGBT Parenting
Strawberry Poptart
member
I've been with my boyfriend for over the last four years. I love him and hes an amazing father. There really isn't anything terribly wrong with him. I am just not attracted to him the way a significant other should be. Truth be told, I am a lesbian. I have always had a "thing" for girls. I've never been with one (I could have been) but I had never been with a man either until my current boyfriend. I always thought it was a phase or feeling that would pass with time and I had to be "normal". I have never really been attracted to men though and the ones I am are very feminine in looks and habit. My boyfriend is as manly as they get and I fell in love with his personality over his physique.
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I need some help please. (This is an AE but not MUD)
Strawberry Poptart
member
I am a September mommy and they sent me here. I dont know the dynamic of this board so if this is in poor taste I am sorry. I really don't want to be flamed. I feel terrible as it is and I genuinely need advice.
The longer we stay together the more I feel like he's just a really great roommate. I also have no burning desire to sleep with him. I just do it to make him happy. It seems unfair to him. I'm not sure how much longer I can stay this way. It doesnt feel right. I was looking for reasons to blame him but there are none, it's me. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know there's no way I can talk to him about it without doing so. He has learned that I've been attracted to females over the time we've been together and joked about me being gay before.
I am very confused right now. I feel guilty, selfish, and just plain awful. Do I stay? Do I leave? Do any of you know what I am going through?
**To be clear: There is no "other person" so I am not having an affair or any love interest to try and escape this relationship. I have just been unhappy with my situation for some time now and have come to realize why. if you managed through this, thank you.
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Re: I need some help please. (This is an AE but not MUD)
Its easy for me to have this perspective being on the other side of things, but to me the answer is clear. Do you stay in a love-less relationship, denying who you really are, just because you want to do the "right" thing and not hurt someone's feelings?
of course not. No one benefits from living a lie.
best of luck to you as you sort this all out and find out the right path for you. I know what a confusing, crazy time it is right now, but being honest and open will lead you where you are meant to go.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
There are no easy answers. You need to be true to yourself but that does mean you'll likely hurt people you care about very much.
Have you thought about speaking with a counselor? A counselor may be able to give you some support during a time of change.
Ditto the PP's comments. Please get yourself a counselor if you haven't already, their support and assistance in helping you navigate this time is invaluable. My situation was not the same as yours, but similar enough and having a therapist was the best investment I made.
Your boyfriend's feelings will surely be hurt, but living a lie for him doesn't make things better for any of you. You say that you've talked about your attractions to women and he's joked about you being gay, so I don't think it will come as a huge shock to him. Yes, it will hurt. But as someone who has been through what you're going through, I can tell you that the freedom to be true to yourself is SO worth it. Feel free to PM me your email if you want to talk more off the board.
I wish you the best of luck. This board is friendly and supportive, so feel free to come back here.
YGPM