Is there ever enough reassurance?

Sloane99 · November 2011

I don't know how to explain it, but I figured you guys could relate. So far everything looks great, couldn't be better, we know we have no chromosome issues, I had good betas, a good u/s with a 160 heartbeat measuring exactly on time....this is a dream come true and there just isn't anymore news we could possibly get right now but I still need more. DH is elated and knows that we have everything going for us right now for this to be a successful pregnancy, but I can't get on board, even though I know he's right.

When did you, or did you, ever get to stage where you let your guard down? Did you wait for that moment before you shared your news?

Imanurse03 · November 2011

Your feelings are totally normal. I still haven't let my guard down and perhaps it's because I've had some complications with this pregnancy like low amniotic fluid and bedrest. But baby looks good and I'm in 3rd tri. So I'm getting closer but not close enough for my comfort.

I don't think I'll feel comfortable until I have our baby in my arms and know that he's healthy. Everything still seems surreal. I saw people bought a few things off my registry and I want to tell them to take it back because I'm so paranoid. I have a hard time believing that I will ever be using those items on a real, live baby!

The only thing that helps is just to try to be thankful for each day that you're pregnant. Each week that passes is a huge milestone.

jesselayne8 · November 2011

It's hard to ever truly let your guard down. I still hold my breath everytime I go to the doctor and hear the heartbeat with the doppler. We told our families after seeing the heartbeat on u/s but didn't tell other people until I started showing. Everytime I start thinking negatively, I have to stop myself and consciously reassure myself that everything is going to turn out for the best.

ELF4321 · November 2011

I was a basket case up until about 11 weeks, right before my NT scan. I don't know exactly what "clicked" at that point, but a couple of days before the NT, I just all of a sudden felt like everything was going to be okay. I wasn't even nervous going in for the NT ultrasound (and seeing baby moving around in there and finding out everything was looking great helped a lot too!).

That said, we still waited until 15 weeks before telling our families. I wanted to have one more OB appt (mine was at 14 weeks) to hear the HB again on the doppler before telling (and then we decided we might as well just wait until Thanksgiving and tell people in person when I was about 15 1/2 weeks).

Overall, I still have a few moments of fear/panic once in awhile, but on the whole, I think once you start to see how fast things are happening in there and feel movement (I just started feeling it a little bit a few days ago), it really helps to feel like "hey, I think I'm actually going to have a baby!".

mdiblasi10 · November 2011

I hope so! I am ready to just enjoy this pregnancy. Hopefully seeing the heartbeat will help. I am doing my best to take one day at a time, but it's so hard not to worry.

babystinkbreath · November 2011

Imanurse03:

Your feelings are totally normal. I still haven't let my guard down and perhaps it's because I've had some complications with this pregnancy like low amniotic fluid and bedrest. But baby looks good and I'm in 3rd tri. So I'm getting closer but not close enough for my comfort.

I don't think I'll feel comfortable until I have our baby in my arms and know that he's healthy. Everything still seems surreal. I saw people bought a few things off my registry and I want to tell them to take it back because I'm so paranoid. I have a hard time believing that I will ever be using those items on a real, live baby!

The only thing that helps is just to try to be thankful for each day that you're pregnant. Each week that passes is a huge milestone.

I totally agree with all of this. I am having some issues with this pg too and it is hard to ever let your guard down, but you do learn to be happy.

Jill070707 · November 2011

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I don't think I was ever completely comfortable until she was born. I don't have any advice except to smile and consistently try to relax and enjoy!

etoyama · November 2011

Normal! Normal, normal, normal. I hate to tell u this but IF can really screw with your head. Personally, I never relaxed - the entire pregnancy. I do not recommend doing that! Oh and now that DD is here I worry cinstantly about SIDS. Awesome, right?

I think u just have to keep reminding yourself of what your DH said because he's right! The odds really are in your favor. (((HUGS)))

KaliChick · November 2011

When did you, or did you, ever get to stage where you let your guard down? Did you wait for that moment before you shared your news?

You don't. That's the crappy part of IF. You never let your guard down. We've been disappointed and hurt so many times that you just never fully let it down. As time goes by you will let it down a little bit but I will tell you that even at 23 weeks I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We told several friends and family pretty early on but we waited until 12 weeks to announce to the rest of the world.

Just know that what you are feeling is soooo normal and I think most, if not all, of us can relate. You will enjoy your pregnancy but as many friends have told me, the fear never goes away.

naybird · November 2011

I don't think I will ever be able to let my guard down, thanks to IF. I burst into tears when I saw my OBGYN telling him that I'm terrified. He and I have been through a lot. He tried to confort me and tell me that I'm doing everything right, I'm on my meds, I'm seeing my hematologist, but I can't help it. I'm still so scared.

I'm hoping to be a little less scared after my perinatal appointment on Monday, pending all goes well.

But I think constantly being scared and worried is normal for an IF woman. We've all been through so much, it's hard not to be.

kthappy76 · November 2011

The reality of pregnancy (and life for that matter) regardless of IF, is that there are no guarantees. You can worry (or not) and everything could go fine (or not). All you can do is try to enjoy each day as much as you can, while being aware (but not dwell on) what might happen.

I can tell you I treasured every day I was pg w/our little girl, who we lost after perfect betas, perfect u/s w/HB, and perfect post m/c testing. This pg was also perfect, until I nearly lost our twins @ 21 wks. You have to choose not to live in fear, which is a defense mechanism against the unknown, and know that you can deal w/whatever happens. You have to be strong enough to acknowledge your capacity to deal w/whatever may come your way, even if you can't imagine now how you would.

doggie mama · November 2011

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I keep thinking I'll feel better upon seeing a HB, but in reality, I'll probably just continue to worry, or fixate on something else. I wonder if I'll ever be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I'm a worrier generally, so I probably would have had a lot of concern either way, but IF makes things so much more intense than if we'd conceived right away and never known how long it could have taken. I thought the 2ww was bad, but it is nothing (at least for me) compared to waiting to see that my baby is developing normally. Because now I'm attached to a person, not just a concept.

Ya Never Know · November 2011

I can't say that the worry goes away completely because I'm pretty sure I'm going to worry right up until the baby is full term... and then I'll probably worry some more.. but it definitely gets easier as things move forward and you will start to feel more confident.

blueberries8 · November 2011

I feel the same way, though I still haven't had an ultrasound or seen a hb yet, so I still have very little to go on. After so much disappointment, it is just hard to trust and believe in things going right, you know? I just keep comparing this pregnancy to my last, which ended in a missed miscarriage. It really creeps me out that I had no way of knowing the pregnancy was doomed and the baby stopped developing until the 2nd ultrasound. I am hoping once we (G-d willing) get past that point in this pregnancy, I will be able to breathe a little easier, but who knows.

babina868 · November 2011

doggie mama:
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I keep thinking I'll feel better upon seeing a HB, but in reality, I'll probably just continue to worry, or fixate on something else. I wonder if I'll ever be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I'm a worrier generally, so I probably would have had a lot of concern either way, but IF makes things so much more intense than if we'd conceived right away and never known how long it could have taken. I thought the 2ww was bad, but it is nothing (at least for me) compared to waiting to see that my baby is developing normally. Because now I'm attached to a person, not just a concept.

All of this exactly. IF has permanently screwed with my head.

Toni79 · November 2011

doggie mama:
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I keep thinking I'll feel better upon seeing a HB, but in reality, I'll probably just continue to worry, or fixate on something else. I wonder if I'll ever be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I'm a worrier generally, so I probably would have had a lot of concern either way, but IF makes things so much more intense than if we'd conceived right away and never known how long it could have taken. I thought the 2ww was bad, but it is nothing (at least for me) compared to waiting to see that my baby is developing normally. Because now I'm attached to a person, not just a concept.

THIS EXACTLY!!!

I'm 5 weeks 6 days. I have my first ultrasound on Thursday, and it seems like it has been forever since my last beta. This is seriously like having a second 2ww. I am paranoid. I'm trying to enjoy it, but I've just gotten so used to bad news that I'm certain I'll hear bad news at any moment. I think once I hear the HB, I'll have some comfort. Although I'll still be pretty worried until I can hold he/she/them in my arms.

As far as when to tell people. I had always just had it in my mind that I would tell people when I hit the 12 week mark. But if everything goes well, I'll be just over 9 weeks at Christmas. So we plan on telling our families on Christmas day. I'll still probably wait until 12 weeks to tell other friends, etc. And probably a little later to tell my employer. But we shall see how much longer I can hide it. I feel like I am already starting to show, but it's all just bloat! Ug!

DrRx · November 2011

We told our very close family and friends after the positive betas (they were very supportive during our IVF journey). We told other family and friends after the ultrasound at 6w5d.

However, we didn't tell the world until I was about 12 weeks. It is amazing how quickly the weeks start going by, and for me every week I have felt more confident, especially now that I am really starting to show. Now, the worry doesn't every completely leave (OCD TP checker everytime I went to the bathroom until about 12 weeks) but I know that the fact that I'm getting bigger means that the baby is growing, and that it is way more probable than not that this is my take-home baby. I have excellent prenatal care, and although problems and complications are not beyond the realm of possibility, they aren't very likely. This could very well be my only pregnancy, and I refuse to NOT enjoy every single minute of it!

preggyamy · November 2011

I only started letting my guard down slightly until halfway through the pregnancy. Then I only started relaxing until the third trimester. Hang in there!

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