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Single Parents
Seemingly no bonding, still visiting?
Has anyone else had a XH/EX not bond with your child but still visits and how do you deal?
I guess it is more annoying than anything else. He comes with his mom usually EOW for about 2 hours max (if he doesn't cancel - has made only about 7-8 visits thus far including the hospital). His mom is always the one playing with the baby and he just sits there saying nothing on the couch. WTF. It is not like we (my parents and I) are watching them all the time but she is still so young and he is so inconsistant she is not used to them at first. I guess I just need to stop asking myself "why."
P.S. There is a link to my new blog if anyone is interested. Blog newbie so it's kind of spotty 
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Re: Seemingly no bonding, still visiting?
At least he's showing up -- that's more than a lot of the X's on this board do. I can understand it's annoying and frustrating, but your LO is still very young. Men often have a hard time identifying with a small baby, especially since they don't have the bond that you do as the mother who carried it for 9 months.
Give it some time...as she gets older he make take more of an interest. I'd be happy the grandmother is involved.
I have to agree with the other ladies that it is a good thing that he is even coming to visit.
BUT I completely understand your frustration! My ex and I just split up about a month ago and he is so insistant upon seeing our LO as much as possible but when he is with him it's like, are they really spending time together?? I don't know..I really wish I was a fly on his wall sometimes!
For example, my ex has had our son just about every weekend since we split up so far and every weekend he takes him out to his dad's house one day (1hr 15min drive each way) and to his mom's house the other day (45-50min drive each way). So not only are they spending hours of their time together driving, he is also taking them to visit his family every weekend, so how much time is he really spending with his son if all those other people are around and playing with him??!!
Sorry, I kind of vented on your post. But what I'm trying to say is that I understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately, it seems like when you get into a relationship and have a child with a person like our ex's you have to raise two children instead of one. When my LO was just born his father had a hard time bonding with him too. I think it was because there's not much interaction with a newborn. And it is totally different when you are the mother! I could have sat and watched him every second of the day without any hesitation because I just loved every move he made! It wasn't that way for his dad and I don't think that's uncommon, as sad as it seems to us mommas.
I hope you can figure out what to do...and remember to always keep the best interest of your baby girl in mind and try to put aside your feelings )as hard as it is sometimes).
Thanks for the responses. Your perspectives are interesting to me. It is definatly hard to tell where the lines of protecting DD and looking out for her true best interest are defined. So the comments are good food for thought.
When he and his mother are here - if I am home I mostly stay downstairs after the initial hellos and DD is calmed down. My folks also stay scarce for the most part as well. After all the verbal/emotional abuse from him and still ongoing harrasment (which is being documented), and his history of alcoholism/drunk driving it is hard to trust him (even with his mother) alone with her at this age. She does have a right to know her father as does he have a right to know her - but she must be safe as well - hence the visits here.