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Explaining conscience?

AgrippaRidesAgainAgrippaRidesAgain member
in Pre-School and Daycare
DS is convinced that when he hurts DD (on purpose or by accident) that the reason she is crying is to make him feel bad. I have tried explaining that he feels bad because he is sorry for what he did, but he just keeps insisting that DD wants him to feel sad. Is this just too complicated to explain, or is there a better way to do it?
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Re: Explaining conscience?

  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    I wouldn't even talk about how he "feels" I would just say she's crying b/c she's hurt.  He can feel bad/not feel bad, but she's crying b/c she hurts - period.
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  • AgrippaRidesAgainAgrippaRidesAgain member
    imageKathrynMD:
    I wouldn't even talk about how he "feels" I would just say she's crying b/c she's hurt.  He can feel bad/not feel bad, but she's crying b/c she hurts - period.
    I have been doing that for months when he wants to know why she is crying. He specifically wants to know why he feels sad and why his sister is making him feel that way.
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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    image-auntie-:

    Is your child on spectrum?

    This sounds much more like a theory of mind glitch than anything else to me. By age 3 most well developing kids have enough theory of mind to understand a little of the concept that it isn't about them. A typically developing 3 1/2 year old child would understand that his sister was hurt and that that was reason enough to cry.

    That he ascribes a kind of "blame" to her actions for how he feels is also very typical of kids on spectrum because of their tendency to see the world in black & white. If he hurts her, even unintentionally, it means he's bad because these kids have difficulty separating out motives. This kind of kid often over-reacts to slights and injustices against him, seeing motive where there is none.

    what "spectrum" are you talking about - autism?

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  • AgrippaRidesAgainAgrippaRidesAgain member
    imageKathrynMD:
    image-auntie-:

    Is your child on spectrum?

    This sounds much more like a theory of mind glitch than anything else to me. By age 3 most well developing kids have enough theory of mind to understand a little of the concept that it isn't about them. A typically developing 3 1/2 year old child would understand that his sister was hurt and that that was reason enough to cry.

    That he ascribes a kind of "blame" to her actions for how he feels is also very typical of kids on spectrum because of their tendency to see the world in black & white. If he hurts her, even unintentionally, it means he's bad because these kids have difficulty separating out motives. This kind of kid often over-reacts to slights and injustices against him, seeing motive where there is none.

    what "spectrum" are you talking about - autism?

    Yes, that's the one. Auntie, we strongly suspect that he is (although all other adults we have brought it up with seem shocked by the thought) and are in the very early stages of evaluation/diagnosis. See my post about how his evaluation felt pointless on the SN board yesterday.
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