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April 2012 Moms
Getting Scared... Kinda Long
If anyone has read some of my earlier post, they would know a little about what's been going on. But, for the others that don't... Here you go, I'm 20 weeks pregnant and soon to be a single mother. I didn't find out I was pregnant until 12 weeks and have been scared for millions of reasons. Now, my fears are becoming difficult to handle. Back in September, I left my abusive ex for fear he would do something horrible, leaving most of my belongs behind, and retreated to the only place I had. My parents, only my mom welcomed me back, my step-dad wished I'd stayed away forever. Since returning home and finding out a month later I was pregnant, the freaking out started. I've been looking for a job since I moved back and with no such luck, I'm really starting to worry. How am I going to get all the things a baby needs before my little one arrives?? I'm not asking the father for anything, I've actually told him it wasn't his to keep him for tracking me down (I'm really scared of what he might do to me or my child). So, I'm at a loss of how I'm going to make this work. I want my baby (I was told I would never be able to have kids) and would do just about anything to support them but with no money, no job, no car and support from only my mom's side of the family, it's really starting to affect little things. I know I'm going to get help for my family with some of the little things but the larger things like furniture and the more expensive things are going to be hard to come by. My family wants to help support me until I can get back on my feet and have even told me that they would give me a place to stay so I can go back to school and help make something of myself. I just don't want them to think I'm mooching off of them. I guess I'm just worrying too much about everything but I can't make it stop.
I apologize tremendously for the rant/vent. If anyone knows different organizations that help single mothers, please let me know....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Getting Scared... Kinda Long
I've applied and started receiving all the benefits you've listed, without those I wouldn't be able to feed myself or be seen by a doctor so I knew I had to take care of those things but I don't know anything about what else could be out there in the way of help... It's frustrating...
Most state services require going for child support. I can totally understand not telling the father the child is his if he is abusive and you don't feel safe around him.
It's great that your family is around to help- please take that help. If you can, try to shop at consignment shops and craigslist for most things- you'll still get what you need, but at least you won't be paying full price. Babies do not need new clothes- they're just going to poop and barf all over them, so stains don't matter (trust me! DD barfed on everything). Having a few "going-out" clothes is nice, but is totally not necessary.
The only new things you need are a carseat and bottles (if you're not breastfeeding). Keep in mind that a young child truly needs very few things:
somewhere safe to sleep- a crib or pack n play would work; cosleeping is also an option
healthy food to eat- either provided by your boobs or formula. We used Sam's club formula with DD- it was super cheap, but they ingredients were exactly the same as Infamil (I think).
things to keep them warm- used blankets and used clothes. Stains do not make clothes dirty, so please don't pass up things just because they may not be perfect.
things to poop in- diapers are crazy expensive, but you can usually find some on sale.
I would also consider looking on Freecycle- every few months I go through DD's clothes and donate them- if I knew someone on Freecycle needed them, I would absolutely give them everything I could. People can be incredibly giving, but sometimes you just have to ask.
Good luck. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be in your situation, but please don't let fear stop you from taking charge of the situation.
I think PPs offered some great advice. I don't have much except you are a strong woman who is doing the best you can for your baby. You will find a job, and you will make this work. Good luck, you are in my T&Ps.
{{hugs}}
First of all, please get a restraining order against your ex. I'm sure your fears are well-founded and as such, you need to take legal action.
It's incredibly hard to leave an abusive partner, so good job on doing the hardest part. Have you tried connecting with local women's nonprofits? If you're in or near an urban area, you should be able to talk to people at battered women's shelters or a local Women's Resource Center that can help you get on your feet, find stuff for the baby and help you find a job. Have you checked out the local community centers for job training programs and day care help? Those are great resources as well.
I wish you all the very best of luck, and luckily it is the holiday season, which means many retail places will be hiring part-time workers. You might want to check them out.
mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15