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Stay at Home Moms
WWYD?
My DH travels throughout Asia a bit and normally buys us all gifts when he goes. The problem is, I never like any of the things he buys me, and I really want to limit the stuff the kids have, as we will probably be moving soon. I specifically asked him not to buy me anything at all. So he buys me a pearl necklace, bracelet, and earrings, and an extra (for our Moms or something, he thought?...). Ok, great that he was in the Philippines, where you can get pearls for a steal, but I don't wear pearls, his mom already has nice ones, and my mom will never wear them either. He even said to me today, see you could wear your pearls with this outfit! (A denim skirt and a nice gray tank.) Which, certainly, I could probably, but I don't want to! I want to wear the cute fashionable jewelry I already own, and don't often get a chance to wear. And, furthermore, I want that $150 back that he spent on the damn pearls to buy something I really like! He and I are both super frugal and rarely/never buy things for ourselves. Ugh, I'm just so frustrated, that not only do I have something that I don't want, but now will be forced to rotate it into my wardrobe, and it's cost me money I don't ever get to spend on myself. So, would you say something to him - again - so this doesn't continue to happen in the future?
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Re: WWYD?
Can you sell them on ebay or something?
I would be annoyed with that as well. DH wouldn't do it, he knows I don't like surprises and I like to pick out my own stuff. I would tell him that you really do appreciate that he wanted to get you something. But you'd rather you guys save your money for xyz. Tell him that you know he misses you guys when he travels and he doesn't need to make up for it with gifts.
My dad used to travel a lot and he started a little tradition with my sister and I. He always brought her back a keychain and I got a snowglobe. Maybe you could think of something small that he could pick out every where he goes?
this is a great idea. I collect coffee mugs from my travels and when H goes away on business, that would be the first gift he thinks of. Find a cheap go-to gift he can get you (that you may actually like) and tell him not to get other gifts.
But be thankful for the pearls- even if you never wear them. It's the thought- you know?
Meh-
I hear ya. Sometimes they can be so clueless.
I would put them to good use and wear them with nothing else and walk in to the room where DH is at night- and let thigns go from there.
They will get used at least once, right?
I have been in the situation many times with DH. Sometimes I LOVE what he buys me and sometimes its all I can take to not laugh or cry (depending on the price), but I would never say anything to him. That's just me personally. For the most part DH and I are in agreement that we don't buy huge gifts that are not returnable unless we are positive the other one wants said gift.
I think there are two problems here. One the money problem, and two you don't care for the things he buys. I would address each issue separately. If it was me I would let a little time pass prior to broaching the subject. I think if you become upset with him right after he gave you the gift it will really hurt his feelings, but I don't know your DH. I think men have bigger egos and are more sensitive than we often give them credit. Letting a little time pass may help him to look at it more logically.
For me it would depend on how much that 150 is worth to you, and how often it happens. I would say about once ever other year DH buys something that I absolutely do not like and it cost enough to make me feel slightly annoyed, but to me 150 isn't worth possibly upsetting him, when I know he did it out of love. If he is constantly doing this you might want to seriously sit down and lay it out for him with all of your reasons why it upsets you.
Finally I had a co-worker who often found herself in this situation with her DH, (always with Jewelry) She told her H in so many words or less, enough is enough. It has been almost 8 years since she told him off, and he has not purchased her any jewelry since. She now regrets it, saying that she gets zero surprises ever. He basically tells her pick out your gift and wrap it yourself if you want something under the tree. I would use caution, if you do not want it to end up like that.
Sorry for the book!
Good Luck!
I don't think you sound like a brat at all. I have had to have this conversation with my DH also. He bought me a $600 ring that he though was beautiful and that I absolutely hated. I tried to wear it, but I eventually told him that I didn't like it and that I would appreciate him not buying me jewelry. I prefer costume jewelry to expensive stuff. Just tell him that you don't mean to sounds ungrateful, but you don't like it.
And if my husband had bought my mom pearls, I would not have given them to her. She is also very particular about her jewelry.
I agree with the PP who have suggested that you tuck them away for when your daughter is older - Yiesch, how rough life must be... Everyone has a type/style of jewelry that they like/prefer, and pearls just aren't your "thing" and I can respect that, OTOH, your DH was thinking of you and them being a timeless piece of jewelry for you when he bought them. Costume jewelry that you like is great, but over time it won't look as nice as what these pearls will with age. You may not appreciate them now, but in time when he's no longer traveling the globe, your kiddo is all grown up and moved on, you'll appreciate them more.
DH got me a set of pearls for our wedding. He's thankfully the type of guy that gets extremely overwhelmed when he has to make a big decision on something like that so I went in and picked them out myself then gave him a choice of three styles/price points and went from there. After baby I no longer fit into my diamond and he made it clear if I wanted a new one I could get one, but instead I chose not to much to his surprise because I like the one I have. The point being that they will sometimes choose something we wouldn't for ourselves because we're being frugal on matters. This is one of those times for your DH. The worst thing you can do is seem unappreciative of the gift and his effort. It's not that you'll be wearing the pearls as your main go-to piece of jewelry here, pull them out once a year/every other year on a date night/anniversary for him, or have them restrung into something that is more fitting of your style. That is also one advantage of pearls over other types of jewelry, you can have them redone into something that fits you more!
It's not that you have to be gushing over them, just be appreciative that you've got a guy that will do that for you!