Do you ever feel selfish?

Trish11278 · November 2011

At church, they opened it up for prayer requests. There were so many people with bigger problems than I have and still putting everything in God's hands. I felt so selfish asking God for a baby when there were people out there who were dying of cancer, people saying goodbye to children lost in war etc. I just couldn't help but feel like a horrible person. In tears, I had to just pray that God be with them instead of me. Why am I crying over something I don't have when my loved ones and myself are healthy? I just feel like a selfish person asking for something that I don't "need" although I feel like I do "need" it, if you know what I mean. My emotions are just all over lately.

Mrs.Slick · November 2011

I feel guilty all the time for feeling so miserable.

I have a good life, a roof over my head, a wonderful H, wonderful family, a good job that I enjoy, an adorable dog, and many more blessings and yet I still feel incomplete.

I know compared to some my hardships are small and I feel incredibly selfish for thinking so much about what IIIII want when some people just want to live another day or feed their families.

ec0983 · November 2011

i feel selfish all the time. like, all the time. my church has a place on their "connect cards" to write prayer requests, and i wrote one that my lap would go well this week, but only after staring at the blank card for like, 5 minutes debating if that made me an awful person.

i don't have any advice for you though, except to tell you you're not alone. it's really an awful cycle. your heart breaks because you can't have what you want so badly, then you feel selfish for feeling bad for yourself, and then guilty for feeling selfish. hang in there

tgreenf · November 2011

I know exactly what you mean. When I told a close friend the day before Thanksgiving that our IUI didn't work she said, "you just need to be thankful for what you DO have". Made me feel like a horrible person. But the truth is, each persons problems and pain are their own. And you are not praying for a new pair of shoes. You are praying for the gift of motherhood. You are not selfish in any way!

cupcake0325 · November 2011

Mrs.Slick:

I feel guilty all the time for feeling so miserable.

I have a good life, a roof over my head, a wonderful H, wonderful family, a good job that I enjoy, an adorable dog, and many more blessings and yet I still feel incomplete.

I know compared to some my hardships are small and I feel incredibly selfish for thinking so much about what IIIII want when some people just want to live another day or feed their families.

This describes me to a T! I feel awful sometimes...maybe even like a spoiled brat? I feel like I have everything that I "need" yet I am still not happy without the one thing I "want".

mizzougal08 · November 2011

We all feel that way sometimes I think. It's hard for us to understand anyone else's grief and expect anyone to understand ours unless they've personally experienced it. Everyone feels like their pain is the worst pain you could possibly feel. I've come to the conclusion that you can't compare your grief to anyone else. It's just so personal. It's like that saying: "be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle".

tombomb84 · November 2011

Mrs.Slick:
I feel guilty all the time for feeling so miserable.
I have a good life, a roof over my head, a wonderful H, wonderful family, a good job that I enjoy, an adorable dog, and many more blessings and yet I still feel incomplete.
I know compared to some my hardships are small and I feel incredibly selfish for thinking so much about what IIIII want when some people just want to live another day or feed their families.

This exactly. Since I was forced to take a break from treatment this month I am starting to realize how many small and wonderful things I have been missing each day because I am so focused on having a baby/treatments.

ellephunt · November 2011

Mrs.Slick:
I feel guilty all the time for feeling so miserable.
I have a good life, a roof over my head, a wonderful H, wonderful family, a good job that I enjoy, an adorable dog, and many more blessings and yet I still feel incomplete.
I know compared to some my hardships are small and I feel incredibly selfish for thinking so much about what IIIII want when some people just want to live another day or feed their families.

This is all what I wanted to say too. I struggle a lot with the guilt I feel.

kellygksu · November 2011

Mrs.Slick:

I feel guilty all the time for feeling so miserable.

I have a good life, a roof over my head, a wonderful H, wonderful family, a good job that I enjoy, an adorable dog, and many more blessings and yet I still feel incomplete.

I know compared to some my hardships are small and I feel incredibly selfish for thinking so much about what IIIII want when some people just want to live another day or feed their families.

Ditto.

lynn0926 · November 2011

I was looking at resolve yesterday. What I read really validated the way you/I are feeling. What may be the worst thing happening in one persons life can not be compared to what may be the worst thing happening in another's life. They are equally devistating in their own way. They even went on to say that IF can feel worse than losing a loved one because it is a continuous cycle of hope being crushed, where as losing a loved one, you cant hope that they will come back and with time it gets easier for them. With us it gets harder.

kaleidoskpeyez · November 2011

Yes, I often feel selfish and ungrateful. I've found it helpful to open my personal prayers by giving thanks to God for what I do have, before I start begging for a baby again.

I would never tell someone how to pray, but I wanted to share something that I find helpful. Are you familiar with the "ACTS" model of prayer? It's an "order of events," if you will, that some people (myself included) follow when they pray. "A" is for adoration (giving praise and glory to God), "C" is for confession, "T" is for thanksgiving, and "S" is for supplication (aka intercession). I find this structure helpful because it allows me to spend some time praising and thanking God, and humbling myself before Him, before I get to the part where I start asking for things.

I didn't mean to get all deep and preachy... just something I thought might help you work through some of your feelings of selfishness. I know I've found some comfort by doing this.

lily8543 · November 2011

Thank you so much for posting this! I struggle a lot with feeling guilty over being sad with my life when I have so much more than others (especially my health). I think it is important to cut ourselves some slack since the desire to be a mother is so engrained in us. I really believe IF is a pain unlike any other. Thanks again- this board is the only place I feel like people are going through similar emotions as me.

Trish11278 · November 2011

Thank you ladies! You have made me feel a lot better about this. Your advice has always made me look at it differently as well.

Kaleidoskpeyez~ I am familiar with ACTS when praying but I'm glad you reminded me. I always pray for others but when praying for myself, that is always when I feel selfish. Although, I do know that God does want us to pray for ourselves and talk to him about what is going on in our lives. It is just hard sometimes not to feel selfish with the things we ask for.

Thanks again ladies! You always are there to let us know we are not alone with our feelings.

sunnygrrl143 · November 2011

Don't feel bad ur not the only one! I feel exactly the same way

kaleidoskpeyez · November 2011

Trish11278:

Thank you ladies! You have made me feel a lot better about this. Your advice has always made me look at it differently as well.

Kaleidoskpeyez~ I am familiar with ACTS when praying but I'm glad you reminded me. I always pray for others but when praying for myself, that is always when I feel selfish. Although, I do know that God does want us to pray for ourselves and talk to him about what is going on in our lives. It is just hard sometimes not to feel selfish with the things we ask for.

Thanks again ladies! You always are there to let us know we are not alone with our feelings.

I hear ya, sister.

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