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Great 2nd appt - now to tell a friend who will be hard to tell

katmacwvkatmacwv member
in Pregnant after a Loss

First, I had a great 2nd appt today.  I made DH come with me just in case and because a good friend recently found out at 11 weeks that the baby had stopped growing a few weeks prior.  We could hear swooshes on the doppler that the OB said sounded like the baby moving around, but only the OB could catch the heartbeat.  We got to have an u/s to check things out, and the baby looks great with a strong heartbeat.  I'm very excited about that part.

Second, I need advice on sharing my news with a friend who underwent fertility treatments for several years before throwing in the towel due the emotional and physical strain, in addition to age.  She took the last failed attempt so badly that she went into a deep depression and left her job.  She went back to work part time and then basically relapsed, initially sleeping all of the time and then dealing with insomnia.  She was let go from that job due to attendance issues several months ago.  I told her about my loss after the fact and she said she wanted me to know that I could come to her with both happy and sad news.  However, I know she has taken it hard when other friends have told her they are pregnant.  I'm supposed to have dinner with her and 2 mutual friends next week, so I want to tell her before then (so she isn't put on the spot in front of the others).  Any suggestions on the best way to tell her?  I know she'll be happy for me, but she'll need some time to take kind of deal with it before we see one another.  Thanks for your help!

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Re: Great 2nd appt - now to tell a friend who will be hard to tell

  • TnG05TnG05
    Congrats on the great appt. Besides either meeting her early to tell her or calling her so she can have some alone time I can't think of a good way to tell you.  I'm sure others will give you better advice that I'll be on the look out for.  Oh and pottermommy just posted something similar so there will probably be good advice in her post as well.
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  • pottermommypottermommy member

    imageTnG05:
    Congrats on the great appt. Besides either meeting her early to tell her or calling her so she can have some alone time I can't think of a good way to tell you.  I'm sure others will give you better advice that I'll be on the look out for.  Oh and pottermommy just posted something similar so there will probably be good advice in her post as well.

    LOL and I just checked out this one to see if there was anymore good advice here too!!!!! Check mine out there are some good pointers!!! And congrats on the great appointment!

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  • unstuck6jbunstuck6jb member
    Congrats on the great appointment.  I was in a very similar situation with my best friend.  She is still trying and it's been almost a year.  I hated telling her in a way, even after the loss, and she was so understanding through that, I almost couldn't bare to tell her that I was PG again.  I was going to see her in a few weeks so I just gave her a call and told her over the phone so she could have some time to deal with it in her own way before I got to town.  It was hard, it hurt a little that she couldn't be super excited for me, but I completely understood.  She didn't talk to me for about a week after I told her, and I just gave her some space other than to check on her and see how she was doing via text.  Hopefully you can give your friend the heads up and then after a week or so she can come to terms with it and be happy for you.  It worked out for me, although I still don't go too crazy telling her about my symptoms, or telling her how things are going.  I don't want to rub salt in her wound constantly.  Good luck, I'm sure you will find the right words and your friend will find a way to be happy for you!
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  • JoAnna914JoAnna914 member

    Depending on your relationship with her, I would say to either call her ahead of time or e-mail her.  I actually would do the e-mail so that she doesn't even have to act happy for you on the phone - I would just afford her the most space possible for her to handle her emotions how she needs to. 

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