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Feeling Overwhelmed (Long)

AshWestAshWest member
in High-Risk Pregnancy

I lurk a lot, but really felt like saying something today as I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed.

At my 20 week anatomy scan they found the baby had a cleft lip and most likely a cleft palate. Almost immediately we began meeting with a high-risk specialist and also met with genetic counselors. We have met with 2 cranio-facial teams and picked one to go with, which I feel very good about. I was having monthly growth scans and at my 32 week appointment they determined the baby was less than the 5th percentile and I needed to have twice weekly NST and BPP testing. I was ok with the testing because the wait from month to month was killing me, and it seemed like every time I went in I was getting "bad" news. The latest is that I have polyhydramnios, too much fluid and it can cause pre-term labor. So far nothing else is indicating that baby girl will come early but I feel like I am constantly on the edge waiting for something bad to happen. She is already small and the thought of her coming early scares the hell out of me. I know I am doing everything I possibly can to make sure that she stays put for as long as possible but I am just feeling so done these days.

 The only person I can really be honest with is my mom, I love my husband dearly and he has been so wonderful through this entire journey but he is clueless when it comes to comfort. He is the type of person to see only the positive and sometimes it just makes me so angry. I want someone to cry with me and overanalyze with me. I tried to share with my dad (he lives overseas and we aren't very close) and his response was "Don't stress, don't panic, it will all be ok". I swear if one more person tells me to "not stress" I will choke the life out of them. It is impossibly not to stress and you telling me NOT to do so, only makes me feel like I'm crazy for worrying so much. I get angry at the drop of a hat and I take it out on my husband when I know I shouldn't.

 I haven't been placed on bedrest, they haven't even mentioned it so I trudge to work every day and can't concentrate on anything but the baby and my next appointment. My husband will be quitting his job when I am on leave and staying home with the baby next year and this ALSO makes me angry. I have had to carry the baby, make all the decisions about testing and care, made and kept all of the appointments, get poked and prodded at every visit, now I get to deliver the baby and heal from it and HE gets to stay home with her? I know I should be grateful that one of us is able to do so, but I am so frustrated with every little thing right now that I can't even wrap my head around this.

 Blahhh... sorry for the rambling, I just needed to get it out.

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Re: Feeling Overwhelmed (Long)

  • goodgolliegoodgollie member
    I'm so sorry.  I don't know exactly what you're going through but had IUGR with both pregnancies.  I was SO stressed with DS because we just didn't know what to expect.  Have you had your steroid shots for the baby's lungs?  I know just getting those this time around has helped relieve some of the stress for me.  I don't know much about cleft palates except that they are easily fixable nowadays.  It sounds like you've done your research and selected a great surgeon.  I think you and your DH need to have a talk, though.  It doesn't sound like you are on the same page with several things.  Just because he always sees the glass as half full, doesn't mean he doesn't have his concerns, too. Encourage him to share his concerns with you so that you don't feel like everything is resting on your shoulders.  I also think you guys need to talk more about who will be staying home with the baby.  It doesn't sound like that was a mutual decision and you certainly don't want to resent him for it.  It could ruin your marriage.  Best of luck to you and remember that IUGR babies do SO much better than younger babies of the same weight.  
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  • AshWestAshWest member

    Thanks, it's just been a rotten day. I know that my husband has his own concerns but I am baffled sometimes at his ability to turn off his brain and focus on other things. This isn't just baby related, it's everything he can do this with. I wish I had the ability to do it every now and then so I could get some relief. Also, with the staying at home part, it was definitely a mutual decision. It was the only decision that would work for us. I have insurance through my company, he works for his dad and they don't get squat. I just wish it was me staying home, I'm sure most people would feel this way too. I don't resent him and I am grateful that she doesn't have to go into daycare with the cleft and all that will come with it. It just feels like everything at once sometimes.

     On a better note, I get to hold my baby girl soon and that thought perks me up so much.

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