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How do you do it?

brymandabrymanda member
in Stay at Home Moms

You probably get this question a lot but how do you afford to be a stay at home mom besides your husband making a ton of money. I would love nothing more than to be able to stay home with my son and keep the house in order, but mainly i want to watch my son grow and develop and really work with him on things that his daycare teacher doesn't have as much time to work on. I get that you have to cut luxuries like cable but even with cutting some of our bills, we still can't afford it. Please tell me what you do to make it work.

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Re: How do you do it?

  • charlatticharlatti member

    Lots of good info in the FAQ -- top right corner of the board or here: 

    https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/43597323.aspx 

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  • HarrietNJMommyHarrietNJMommy

    We get this question at least once a week. There are FAQ's at the top of the page that might help.

    If you can't afford it with cutting some of your bills, it looks like you won't be able to SAH.

    There are really 2 answers:

    1. Your DH makes enough money for you to SAH.

    OR

    2. You make major sacrifices to be a SAHM.

    There's no "easy" way. 

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  • Ruby_SohoRuby_Soho

    I'm a lurker here but you don't need a ton of money you just need to want it bad enough. DH earns a totally average wage. We rent our home, we don't own so we don't have a mortgage to worry about. I sew about 50% of DSs clothes. I make our own bread, biscuits, cake etc and all our meals get cooked from scratch. I buy meat when it's on sale and freeze it, also make extra for dinner and freeze for the nights we can't be bothered cooking. We have a veggie garden, it's not terribly big but it helps.

    I don't buy lots of new clothes, I don't get my hair done every 6 weeks, I don't get manis or pedis or massages ever. We basically spend almost no money on ourselves, DS gets second hand toys a lot and we plan way in advance for purchases we do need to make.

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  • ktsnshnktsnshn
    DH and I planned ahead for me to stay home by living off his salary for a year while I was still working. We also saved my income during that time to have a safety net once I quit my job. We are fortunate that DH makes a enough salary for me to stay home, but if not there would be many things I would be willing to sacrifice to stay home.
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  • Mom2Mack1Mom2Mack1 member

    You just have to spend smart.  H is very good at saving money, and finding ways to make side money.  He really keeps me in line!  We still take trips, and do things we love like going to concerts. The only debt we have is our home which is more of an investment than debt.  If we want something new we pay cash for it, or find it used.  I buy a lot of used items, and I'm okay with that. In fact today I stopped at a kids consignment shop and found everything I was going to buy for LO used.  It was awesome.

     

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  • LynsiBHMLynsiBHM
    imageRuby_Soho:

    I'm a lurker here but you don't need a ton of money you just need to want it bad enough. DH earns a totally average wage. We rent our home, we don't own so we don't have a mortgage to worry about. I sew about 50% of DSs clothes. I make our own bread, biscuits, cake etc and all our meals get cooked from scratch. I buy meat when it's on sale and freeze it, also make extra for dinner and freeze for the nights we can't be bothered cooking. We have a veggie garden, it's not terribly big but it helps.

    I don't buy lots of new clothes, I don't get my hair done every 6 weeks, I don't get manis or pedis or massages ever. We basically spend almost no money on ourselves, DS gets second hand toys a lot and we plan way in advance for purchases we do need to make.

    this

    On paper, I don't know how we make it work, but we do.  It helps that we planned hard and have 2 vehicles that are paid off and little debt other than our house.  But kids are expensive!!!  I haven't ruled out getting a PT job at some point just to enjoy some extras- going out to dinner, a vacation or some nice jeans/shoes/purse that I no longer buy. But for right now, I live in sweats, rolling around on the floor with my little guy, eating homemade meals and I adore every second of it!!

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  • pinacolodaspinacolodas

    The truth is unless you are above a certain income level (depending on cost of living) you have to cut more than luxuries like cable.

    Things like having a mortgage you can afford on one income, no credit card debt and no car loans are good starting places. We live in a townhouse we put a big down payment on ($150,000 down payment with a 120,000 mortgage). Yes, I would love the typical $500,000 home all my friends have but I have to go back to work for that (and plan to do so at some point).

    You can only save so much with budgeting. I find it is the fixed expenses that can make a difference. Are you willing to sacrifice the big house, new cars, etc? For us that is what it took.

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  • stephanie_shoestephanie_shoe member

    I'm among the lucky few in our friends who get to stay home.  My husband doesn't make a lot of money compared to the area we live in, but it's a crap ton of money for our own standards.  With that being said, we are careful with our money. We never buy ANYTHING unless it's on sale, and we rarely go out. 

     I'll admit, I do get my hair done every couple of months and on occasion I'll get my nails done, because we can afford those little luxuries every once in awhile. But we also know where our priorities are and we save more than we spend.

    Since I have been out of work, we have not missed my paycheck very much, because we've noticed we're not paying for "commuting" expenses anymore (lunches out, $250/mo. for gas, upkeep on the car, etc.)

    Stephanie Hsu
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  • MamatoJacksonMamatoJackson
    Also, when you SAH, your house will probably be in less order.
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  • brymandabrymanda member
    Thank you for your input. After reading your replies, I realize that we probably can "afford" it. The problem is that I am willing to make major sacrifices for me to stay at home; however, H isn't quite as willing. He wants me to stay home with the baby but he also wants to have his truck and his cable. We, by no means, spend our money frivolously. I've had a mani and a pedi only once because it was a gift and only get my hair trimmed every so often. I understand that H works hard and wants to enjoy a show in the evening and it's nice to have the use of a truck when we need it but I want to stay home though. I would be willing to give up my house. I know that we would spend much less on food if I had the time to cook more often rather than buying frozen foods. I wouldn't mind trying to plant a small garden and figuring out how to grow vegetables. Plus, it would be a learning experience for DS. Anyways, I thank you again and I will be checking out the FAQs page.DH has a job interview tomorrow so hopefully we hear good news from the better paying job. Otherwise, I will be talking to DH more seriously about considering giving up more so I can stay home. Thanks again
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