How to politely suggest no clothes...

RomeRomance06 · November 2011

My MIL is great and lovely and this is not a vent, but a request for some polite ways to help her buy appropriate (or no) clothes for DD. She lives on the west coast, so is nowhere near DD, so I understand this is hard for her and I don't want to come off as ungrateful, but she sends about a couple packages a month of baby clothes and they are notoriously too big because she thinks DD is giant, apparently. I've told her DD's sizes repeatedly, but she is terrified that things won't fit and always buys her a size up, and they are all huge. She doesn't grow that fast! I just got a package in the mail yesterday of Christmas-themed clothes (sweater set, onesies) that are way too huge on her and will not fit her by the time Christmas comes along unless she has a massive growth spurt in the next few weeks. A couple weeks ago she sent Uggs boots that were too big (partly my fault because I wasn't entirely clear what her shoe size was when she asked) and she freaked out when I told her they were too big and immediately sent out a new size, but I have to go to the post office and return the old ones so she can get a refund... ugh. Just more stuff I don't want to do right now. Should I lie when she asks if the things she sent fit? She's too nice to make me send her a photo of DD in the clothes but I feel bad lying, for some reason. I think Christmas is going to be even worse! The stuff she buys isn't cheap either (hello, Uggs for a baby??) so I feel like I need to say something because she's not rolling in the dough and I feel like it's a waste. Should I just let her keep on keeping on and just say thank you or is there a way to say just stop? I will probably make DH do it, regardless.

Artslvr · November 2011

Totally make DH do it, and I can tell you how my DH would handle this - start teasing her playfully. As in, next time he talks to her on the phone he can say "Mom, DD is not a giant! You send her stuff that's too big - what do you think, we inject her with steroids or something?" That's lame typed out like that, but seriously, the way he gets his mother to butt out or stop doing something - after repeatedly asking/telling her nicely - is to let the teasing begin. Come to think of it, this is how I handle stuff like that with my own mom too. I don't know if your DH has that kind of relationship with his mom, but it works for us.

tomandcourt · November 2011

Is it always seasonal stuff? If not, a few months down the road you could put her in it and then send a pic saying "Look, MIL, DD finally fits in that stuff you sent! It's so cute!"

Otherwise, yeah, I'd have DH step in. Would she be really offended if he said, "Look, we really appreciate all the cute clothes. But when you don't buy the right size it means she can't wear it at all. We'd love for DD to be able to wear what you send so please get the sizes we give you"?

hsbbride · November 2011

Artslvr:
Totally make DH do it, and I can tell you how my DH would handle this - start teasing her playfully. As in, next time he talks to her on the phone he can say "Mom, DD is not a giant! You send her stuff that's too big - what do you think, we inject her with steroids or something?" That's lame typed out like that, but seriously, the way he gets his mother to butt out or stop doing something - after repeatedly asking/telling her nicely - is to let the teasing begin. Come to think of it, this is how I handle stuff like that with my own mom too. I don't know if your DH has that kind of relationship with his mom, but it works for us.

This is how we would handle it in my house too. Regardless of whether it was my family or his. In fact, we may need to have a very similar conversation with my MIL.

amh_navyblue · November 2011

tomandcourt:
Is it always seasonal stuff? If not, a few months down the road you could put her in it and then send a pic saying "Look, MIL, DD finally fits in that stuff you sent! It's so cute!"

I agree with the pps about having DH step in...but this is also a good idea. My mom often sends stuff that is on the big side, though it's usually meant for a season that is coming up and eventually the girls fit in the clothes.

BirdGirl01 · November 2011

Why can't you just send her size. I don't know if it's too pricey, but Hanna Andersson might be a good option since clothes aren't sized by age. That way you can just send her size to your MIL. Good news is that next year this will be much less of an issue because they stay in sizes longer.

WinesNotWhines · November 2011

Will she be able to wear the clothes at the end of winter, maybe in February or March? If so, I'd just keep them stored somewhere for a few months until she fits into them. If the sizes are way off and she's sending winter clothes that won't fit DD until the summer, I'd ask your husband to nicely say something. Do you think she'd be offended if you asked her to send gift receipts so you can exchange things for sizes that fit?

RomeRomance06 · November 2011

WinesNotWhines:
Will she be able to wear the clothes at the end of winter, maybe in February or March? If so, I'd just keep them stored somewhere for a few months until she fits into them. If the sizes are way off and she's sending winter clothes that won't fit DD until the summer, I'd ask your husband to nicely say something. Do you think she'd be offended if you asked her to send gift receipts so you can exchange things for sizes that fit?

I don't know if these clothes will fit her by the time winter is over and they are definitely winter clothes. But, that is my plan for now.

Artslvr - DH is always teasing his mom, so that may be the best way to go about it for him. I'll suggest it! Thanks.

umdbride · November 2011

I feel for you. All of our parents love to buy DS clothes because he's the first grandbaby and the first boy in our family in a LONG time. With our moms, I try to tell them what size he is now, and what he actually needs coming up so they have an idea of where to focus their spending. I also politely tell them what stores I've found the best exchange policies, explaining that I mainly shop at those stores because it's even hard for me to tell what DS will fit in during what season and shopping at a store (like Kohls) with a flexible return policy means I can hold onto stuff for several months and if it doesn't fit I can exchange it for the full value at that time.

Also, I never would have realized this, but my sister told me that our grandma likes to buy DS stuff that is super big (I'm talking 2T and 3T) because she thinks she won't be around when he's that big and still wants him to have things she gave him Sad so, I make an exception for her, but she did seem to like it when i told her how great Kohls return policy was and that they carry Carters stuff!

mssaint · November 2011

umdbride:

Also, I never would have realized this, but my sister told me that our grandma likes to buy DS stuff that is super big (I'm talking 2T and 3T) because she thinks she won't be around when he's that big and still wants him to have things she gave him so, I make an exception for her, but she did seem to like it when i told her how great Kohls return policy was and that they carry Carters stuff!

Crying

This is so sweet and it literally made me tear up a little.

umdbride · November 2011

mssaint:
umdbride:

Also, I never would have realized this, but my sister told me that our grandma likes to buy DS stuff that is super big (I'm talking 2T and 3T) because she thinks she won't be around when he's that big and still wants him to have things she gave him so, I make an exception for her, but she did seem to like it when i told her how great Kohls return policy was and that they carry Carters stuff!

This is so sweet and it literally made me tear up a little.

I know! I'm so glad my sister told me because I just thought she saw something and thought it was cute, regardless of size (she's a sharp lady, but she's 91 after all!) it was so sweet to understand why she was buying so big.

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