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Is there anything you'd do differently?

mdotm0904mdotm0904 member
in Single Parents

At night when DD is going back to sleep after a feeding, I seem to have a lot of thoughts about my current situation that flood my mind and make it hard for me to sleep. It's not from guilt, because I know that every decision I've made (no matter how misguided it may seem) has been with her best interests in mind first, and then my own second. But I still just always second guess myself (a flaw I've had since childhood), wondering if the decisions i've made were the right ones or what (if anything) will come back to bite me in the butt when we go to court. I guess I'm just nervous that it'll come down to a stranger possibly having the power to decide when I can see my child. But I honestly believe i've been as mature as possible when dealing with a manipulative bully. I never lashed back when he said all kinds of hurtful and hateful things in his emails about me or DD and I never kept DD from him (in his mind I did though). I just have to trust & believe that everything will work out for the best for her in the end, even if I disagree with it.  

But it made me wonder, if I could do it all over again, what would I have done differently? Aside from not getting pregnant at all...I don't think there's anything that i COULD have done without bowing down & kissing his asss.

So, whatever your situation is, I'm curious...if you had a time machine and could do one thing differently....what would you do?

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Re: Is there anything you'd do differently?

  • UnknownUnknown
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  • achase123achase123
    Oh for sure, there were a ton of things I would have done differently, but I also realize that, at the time, I was doing the best that I knew how to do.  I understand second guessing yourself and really trying to figure out what drove your decisions, but you also have to make a conscious decision at some point to just forgive yourself and move on.
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  • mdotm0904mdotm0904 member
    imagebeccaga16:

    The one thing I would do is pump more in the early weeks. I would have had more of a supply saved up for when I went dry from stress and DD could have had more BM. I am not against FF, just wished I would have been able to give DD BM longer.

    Yeah I regret not BF at all. I was too stressed out right after she was born to even try.

    imageachase123:

    but you also have to make a conscious decision at some point to just forgive yourself and move on.

    definitely something I'm having a hard time with, but working towards Smile

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  • JCGreene85JCGreene85 member
    I just wish i as educated about everything as I am now. I also wouldn't have let his controlling a$$ manipulate me as long as I let him. Mother pucker. 
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  • blush64blush64 member

    The only thing I would have done different is not marry my ex. I love my kids and would make the same mistakes everytime if that's the only way to have them BUT if I could have just gotten the kids without the man that would be my choice.

    There is nothing in my power that could have made him a good man or father, so basically I wish I left him after getting pregnant and before the marriage.

     

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  • mdotm0904mdotm0904 member
    thanks for sharing ladies. guess hindsight is 20/20 and the key to truly moving forward is to just learn from "mistakes" and don't do the same things again if the situations arises.
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  • LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member

    I never would have married him. Period. I knew I shouldn't have the very day that I did. He went to jail and ruined our first wedding (that I paid for completely, 2 weeks before our wedding and one week after I found out I was PG) and was gone my entire pregnancy, didn't get out until R was 4 weeks old. Then 4 months later I married him in a tiny private ceremony. Only to have him return to prison a month after I find out I am pregnant with #2 because he decided beating me was a good idea.

    I seen his controlling abusive side long before that. I kick myself every single day for caving......I knew better. Marrying me was just more way to control me and now it's so obvious.

    I love my son and wouldn't change one single thing that gave me him, but I wish I would have kicked his father to the curb the first time he f-ed me over.

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  • Jennis22Jennis22 member

    I'd definitely change the way DS' birth happened. It was a bad experience and I ended up so pumped full of drugs that I barely even remember the moment that he was born. That's what breaks my heart at the end of the day. Whatever happened with X is done and I've moved on but not remembering the first time I saw my son makes me all teary-eyed every time.

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