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D.C. Area Babies
Holiday gift giving wet blanket
For the last couple of years on both sides of our family we have drawn names among the adults for gift giving, so that we are each buying gifts for one person instead of trying to get something for everyone. On my side of the family, things are proceeding as usual. On DH's side of the family things have worked out a little differently. After talking to SIL tonight, DH and I matched everyone up and sent out emails with the "secret santa" info, then a follow up email with the guidelines (re: $$ limit, request for ideas). My other SIL (DH's brother's wife) responded to the email by saying that she and BIL were going to "opt out" of the gift exchange to focus their gift giving on the children (presumably all the kids, not just theirs).
Now, I am totally fine with not giving or getting a gift. I also get the fact that maybe we needed to have checked in with everyone to make sure they were okay with doing the exchange this year (though SIL did mention it to her brother the other day and he didn't say anything)...I was feeling a little funny about bringing it up anyway because FIL died earlier this month.
At the same time, I think there would have been a more tactful way to deal with it...it's awkward in my mind to say "we're going to opt out"...because it's not like we're not going to just give gifts among a smaller group (we're already a small group). And it feels pretty bah humbug.
Because of this we are going with a kids only gift approach, which I guess means I'll have one less gift to buy...which is both a relief and makes me a little sad. I enjoy the gift giving, the picking out a gift and the wrapping. It's just a bit of a damper on my holiday spirit.
How do others handle the Christmas gift giving?
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Re: Holiday gift giving wet blanket
On my side of the fam, we only give gifts to the kids and to my parents. My parents still give gifts to me, my brothers and spouses, and all the kids, but my brothers/SILs and I all figured it was time to stop giving gifts to each other years ago after one year we all exchanged a gift card.
It works great for us!
I think if this is something that you do every year, she probably should have mentioned that they'd like to opt out a little earlier. And maybe in person in casual conversation. But, I don't really see anything wrong with declining. We haven't done gifts for our siblings, by mutual agreement, in years.
This year, we even mentioned to SIL the idea of not buying kids gifts either and she loved it. Our kids all have way too much stuff. I'd rather donate to a charity in their name or contribute to a college fund (that was DH's other idea - everyone contribute to each kid's college fund)
ETA - honestly, not buying so many gifts makes the holiday so much less stressful. I really can't tell you how relieved I am not to buy more stuff for kids that have playrooms overflowing with stuff.
it might be less of her being "bah humbug" and more of her just not being able to afford it. i know my side of the family, which usually everyone got gifts for the kids, has gone down to drawing names for the kids b/c a few people have been out of work or have had their hours cut.
another idea if you really want to do a adult gift exchange is doing handmade/homemade gifts like baked goods or homemade jam or infused liquor or crafty things. it can be significantly cheaper but still in the spirit. however, i feel that this is probably the most stressful of all gift-giving options!
it sounds to me like there might be something else going on here b/c if one of my SILs told me the same thing, I wouldn't have a problem with it (in truth, i'd think they were having financial troubles & didn't want to be all "Hey guys! You can't do the gift exchange you enjoy so much b/c we can't afford it!").
I can totally see your SIL's point. Maybe her email was not worded very nicely, but I don't think you need to be stung.
Maybe just drop the whole thing next year. I think gifts-only-for-kids is a great idea, however, I have three kids and my brothers only have one each, so in my family it wouldn't be quite fair.
As Kastle adeptly noted, there are dynamics here that have an impact on why I reacted the way that I did. Probably not worth going into or dwelling on.
I'm okay with dropping the gift giving...and in the process I was talking to my sister and she offered another suggestion for future gift exchanges (if people want to do them at all), which I thought was worth sharing--pick a theme or type of gift--i.e. tree ornaments or something simple from your home state/city...or if everyone gets together do a white elephant exchange. All of those ideas keep the process simple, inexpensive and still preserve the idea of sharing something during the holidays.
definitely not! don't let it ruin your holiday spirit. your sister has some great alternative ideas for future years that should work for everyone & is a win-win.
We're doing the same thing again this year with most of our family. However, my mother has insisted on getting DH and I something for Christmas, despite me telling her that it was unnecessary. So now I feel kind of obligated to get her something, too, but I have no clue what to get her. This is exactly what I was hoping to avoid!
That IS frustrating, but maybe you can just get her something that would theoretically be from the LO, which I think might reinforce the idea of what you were trying to do originally. Something we have done the last few years is make a calendar for our parents from snapfish or kodak of pics of the kids--they are really easy to make, fairly inexpensive and you can even have them mailed directly to the recipient. The other thing to keep in mind is that she really isn't expecting anything from you and just wants to give you something--just because you're her daughter. It's your choice to say that you don't want gifts and while it would be most ideal for your mom to respect that, but at the same time it's her choice to give a gift if she wants to.