I am terrified of my repeat c section! (long)
I am sorry this is long. It?s just gotta get off my chest! No one around me seems to understand just how panicked I am. Throughout this whole pregnancy I have been counting on trying for a VBAC. I have only gained 20 pounds (37 weeks) compared to 60 with my first, have been active possible & staying as healthy as possible. I had the green light for a VBAC until recently. Nothing changed with me or the baby other than my urine had a large amount of bacteria in it a couple appointments ago. I was showing no symptoms of being sick, my CBC was completely normal. The DR requested it to be tested as I have a history of MRSA (had an infection of it in an abscessed tooth this pregnancy not to mention previous infections one including my first section) & it was MRSA positive. Urine collected via catheter was negative, which means the bacteria is most likely colonizing in my 'nether regions', and showed up in the urine after hitting outer skin even though I cleaned thoroughly. After speaking with my doctor, she feels it?s safest for me & the baby to have a repeat c section. She said with my history of these infections, and my failure to progress with my first one, that she could not justify allowing me to lie there with my water broken for 10+ hours knowing the MRSA could easily travel to the baby.
I am all for it because I feel it is best for my baby as well. I know how sick I get with these infections & I could not imagine a baby being exposed.
But I am downright terrified of my c section. My first c section experience was HORRIBLE. I suffered from high blood pressure/border line pre-eclampsia, dilated only to 5 cm after 2 days of labor. I panicked as I was in the operating room. I started puking; shaking like a leaf & nothing I did could stop it. My heart rate was in the 220's and my last blood pressure reading before I was put to sleep was 233/124. I was passing in and out before the anesthesiologist even put me out because I wasn't getting enough oxygen because my panic attack triggered an asthma attack. I am one of those people that need to see what doctors are doing to me, or have someone explain step by step. No one was paying attention to me, or would talk to me. All there was a big blue sheet in front of my face and what felt like 15 pairs of hands all over my naked body & I was just waiting for one of them to start cutting me without telling me. I was begging someone to talk to me, to warn me before they cut me. I was all alone. The anesthesiologist was at my head, but he was more concerned with my heart rate & BP than talking to me which is understandable. The OB was practically yelling at me to calm down & stop shaking, & the more I tried to control it the more I vomited & puked. The last thing he said to me was ?we are having to put you to sleep, we are concerned your heart may give out or that you could possibly have a stroke. Your heart rate and blood pressure are too high? & then I had the mask on & he said something about the baby & that?s all I remember. I'm sure that whole staff was thanking the good lord once I passed out!
I'm in tears right now after writing that, imagining going through it again. Now that I have gotten word of a definite c section, I am freaking out! I really do not think I can handle it, but I don't want to be put to sleep again. I missed out on the first 16 hours of my sons life due to me being so drowsy. I saw him when I would wake up to vomit from the morphine & that was about it. He had so much trouble breastfeeding, had trouble regulating his temp, & even staying awake. To top it off, I got cut vertically on the outside to reduce my chances of it getting infected & still contracted MRSA. I have orders from my Dr for the next 2 weeks to scrub myself down daily with this surgical strength antibacterial wash, and make sure all hard surfaces in my home that will be near my cut (toilet, shower, sink etc) to be sanitized when I return home. I suffered with PP OCD after my first. I sanitized & bleached so much my skin was getting eaten off my fingers by the bleach. Now all this is making it worse. I'm too miserable to be able to clean the way I feel I should which is only intensifying my anxiety. I feel like a walking anxiety attack right now. I feel like I have gone off the deep end. How the heck do I even begin to talk to my DR about how I am? I am scared she's just going to look at me and say 'toughen up, there?s no other choice' or call me crazy or something like that. Have any of you mommies taken anything for anxiety before your surgery? Is there anything that?s even an option? I get that a lot of what I ?need? isn?t very logical during a surgery, like someone explaining everything to me as they do it. I am just at a loss & I am scared I am going to come close to death again like I did with my first.
Re: I am terrified of my repeat c section! (long)
Your first experience sounds like my first.
I was totally planning on having a normal labor and delivery with DD, but things progressed differently and when her heart started having deccels it was decided to to do an emergency c/s. Everything happened so fast. I had totally skipped that part of my pregnancy book so I really had no idea what the heck was going on. The minute the Dr left the room, I started hysterically sobbing and didn't stop. Once I got into the OR (I had to be wheeled in since I had already had an epidural while in labor)- I LOST it. I am normally a very even keeled person but I was freaking bonkers ape crazy hysterical. I was crying, sobbing, shaking, vomiting. I was a mess. DH said he has never seen me like that in his whole life and he thought they were going to have to knock me out just to make me calm down and breathe. They strap your arms down when doing the procedure but I had to have two nurses standing by my arms in case I started flailing around. DH said the anesthesiologist at one point opened all of his boxes of drugs and threw his hands up in the air, basically miming, "I've done everything. What else can I give her?" At that point, the anesthesiolgoist bent down, took my face in both of his hands and said very firmly but gently, "You HAVE to calm down. I want you to be able to see your baby when it is born, but you HAVE to calm down. Breathe. You have to start breathing now or else I am going to have to put you under." I got things under control (well, not really, but I wasn't flipping out as bad as before) and they delivered DD. At that point, I looked at her and for all intents and purposes, passed out. I'm not sure if it was something they gave me or if my body just did it because it was utterly exhausted. I didn't actually hold DD until the next morning (she was delivered around 1230am). The nurses had to hold her up to me for her to breastfeed since I was entirely out of it.
It was an AWFUL experience.
So I totally get being scared about going in for the second one. But let me tell you- my second c/s was a total breeze. It was night and day. I walked into the OR under my own steam and got the spinal. The worst part of the whole procedure was when they made the first cut (couldn't feel a thing) but apparently often when they do that your blood pressure plummets so you feel nauseous. I said I was going to throw up and the anesthesiologist put something in my IV that stopped it. They delivered DS quickly and easily. I got to see him and touch him. After he was out I felt totally high. I was laughing and giggling and being completely giddy. I even asked the anesthesiologist if he had doped me up. :-) I got to hold DS as we were wheeled back to recovery and breastfeed him right away. It was a totally different experience. If you do end up having to have a c/s I'm almost positive it will be the same way for you. Knowing what is coming and being able to mentally prepare for it makes all the difference in the world.
Also, will your DH or SO be in the operating room with you? He was in the room for both deliveries, but this one I really focused on him and had him talk to me about random stuff while they were prepping/cutting. It helped. He was so cute, he gave me a present while they were prepping me (birth stone necklace for DS) which got my mind off of things a bit. I think asking your OB to have a nurse in there explaining what is happening to you isn't out of line. Tell them you had a horrible experience and it would really really help you to have some one in there detailing it all. Or tell your OB you would really like her to be communicating with you the whole time. My OB was very vocal the whole delivery and told me exactly what they were doing, "Putting the benadine (or wahtever its called) on. Draping you. Almost ready to go. In just a few minutes you are going to meet your son!" It also helped to distract me.
I really hope that your next experience is better. :hugs:
I'm so sorry about your nightmare experience c/s, I'm in tears for you because I remember the fear and uncertainty ( My first was an unplanned emergency c/s and labor before that was horrible, 3 days, back labor, epi fell out and no one believed me etc). But I agree with the previous poster, knowing what's gonna happen will TOTALLY change the experience for you! You'll be empowered through it. Keep in mind you can ask for anti anxiety meds before your c/s, you can ask NOT to be put under ( epi or spinal instead so you can be aware for everything), and you can ask for nitrous oxide if you want it ( laughing gas), though I don't recommend the latter.
You may want to consider anti anxiety meds in general, as your dr what's safe for BFing if you plan on it. It may help you through this transition time. And don't be scared, this c/s will be much better for you.
Oddly enough, Nitris Oxcide(sp?) was mentioned in a pregnancy book I just finished reading. They said its not common practice is the states, but very common in Canada and France. Reason: the U.S. had a freak out and still hasnt done good research to show its safe, much like many things the U.S. medical field is behind the times with. But the other countrys have done the research on "laughing gas" and said its fine.
You could always ask.
the worst they can do is laugh and say no.
I didn't not have the experience you had with your first. But I do have to say that a planned c-section is so much easier than an unplanned one.
My first was unplanned but for me was an okay experience. My second was a breeze compared to my first. I felt so much better after surgery and so on.
You need to sit down and have a good honest conversation with your doctor about your fears and anxiety. If she doesn't take you seriously...I would be looking for another doctor. She needs to understand your fears. Also, read and inform yourself on the procedure so you know what to expect. That way you know what they are doing without them really telling you. But I agree...a doula could be a good option for you if one is available...so she can tell what is happening.
Good luck and I hope you get things figured out soon. It sounds as though the doctors have a good enough reason for the repeat c...try to trust them...but they also need to trust and listen to you.
Lurking. My C-section was also a horrible experience, but not as bad as yours. Even so, I still missed the first half day of my daughter's life, for the most part, recovering, and I wasn't put all the way out, although midway through, they had trouble getting her out, and I was put on some super strong stuff that left me completely loopy. So it seems like missing time with LO is not uncommon with these procedures.
Maybe you could ask to be put out straight out -- don't even mess with trying to stick it out under an epi. Yes, you'd miss time with LO, but you'd have a safer surgery, and that's most important. LO will be just fine.
I JUST apologized to DH last week for "ruining" the birth of his first child. I was so terrified of the C-section in the week leading up to it, once it was scheduled (LO was HUGE). He was so excited but couldn't show it, and then my recovery sucked because of complications, which made things worse. We are TTC again now, and I know I will probably have another C-section, so I am determined this time to be happier and less nervous and worried and frightened, but we will see. I agree it's horrible, so maybe just try to go in knowing your limitations and trying to work with them right from the beginning.
I am SO sorry a/b your first experience. Sounds a lot like my first c-section, an emergency after 2 days of labor and only progressing to 6 cm, also contracted an infection. I won't go into details b/c it's still hard to think about--8 years later.
Anyway, my second c-section, scheduled that time, was FABULOUS.
I had switched doctors, hospitals and it was a great experience. The anesthesiologist and my DH were sooo comforting. We talked about Grey's Anatomy and other random stuff, before I knew it my boy was out!
Recovery was 100% better, less pain, no PPD (b/c my new doc put me on preventative anti-depressants)...have hope!!!!
Scheduled c-sections are way better than emergency c-sections.
I'm going in for my 3rd in early June. My dr. asked if I wanted to try for a VBAC with this one and I was like NO! My 2nd c-section was soooo easy.
This is a couple of days late, so I hope you see this. My first experience was a lot like yours. 2.5 days of labor, no progress, etc...finally went for the c/s. When they were setting up and asking if I was numb, I was not so they had to push different drugs through my IV that made me loopy and shaky for hours. I didn't hold my daughter for 12 hours--at least I thought I didn't. DH told me the night before this baby was born that I actually did hold her, which is way worse--I don't even remember seeing or holding my baby.
I was terrified this time around. I, too, was hoping for a vbac, but no such luck. On the day of the c/s I was a nervous wreck--but the anesthesiologist came to talk to me and I told her about all the concerns I had. She said she would try different things so the shaking/loopy/out of it thing didn't happen again.
Long story short, this c/s was a breeze! I remember every moment, I remember seeing my daughter for the first time, and I held her within an hour of her birth. It was truly amazing, and nothing at all like my first. Even my recovery time has been better.
Talk to your drs, and really communicate with the anesthesiology people. Mine told me that a scheduled vs an unplanned c/s is like night and day. I hope yours goes as smoothly as mine--I would totally go through that again, without hesitation. Good luck!