ugh. DH was selected for a class, but...

hilwithonelary · November 2011

DH just found out that he was one of the Wing's selections for an upcoming class. He's still not guaranteed to go (I guess MAJCOM gets the final say), but it is likely that he would. At this point, he could turn it down. The class would be fantastic for his promotion chances. He would be crazy to say that he doesn't want to go.

The problem? I would be 37w4d on his graduation date. Considering I had DS at 37w3d, this makes me nervous. I know tons of military wives have babies while their spouses are gone. I feel like if it were a deployment, there is no choice in the matter, and I would just deal somehow. But this is technically optional. How would I handle knowing that DH missed the birth because he chose to go to a class? On the other hand, if DH doesn't go to the class and I end up going 38+ weeks, I'll feel terrible that DH missed out on a great opportunity for nothing.

Trying to get another class date is most likely not a possibility. The following class starts 10 days after my due date, and the graduation date for it is 2 weeks after his (already delayed due to my pregnancy) RNLT date for a PCS. DH may have an opportunity to go at his next base, but it is not a guarantee. He would just have to see if he gets selected by the leadership at the new base.

We are both so conflicted. I know no one can tell us what to do. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

hunt2005 · November 2011

That sure is stressful. I'd say go for it. I know it'd stink for him to miss the birth if that happened, but if he's just at a school you could maybe set up skype or something for it so he's still "involved" and then he doesn't miss out on the opportunity?

pesci12 · November 2011

You guys will ultimately have to make the choice, but if this is something he really wants to do I would not pass it up.

My DH was re-training in tech school when I was pregnant (I quit my job and moved to MS with him since his class was 6 months long), and he talked with his leadership as soon as he got there. He was told he could miss one day of school.

At 36w, I went in for a routine exam, and was sent directly to L&D to be induced. My DH was not allowed to have his cell phone at the time on so I left him a voicemail. He didn't get it until he was waiting for me at lunch to pick him up. After that, they allowed him to keep his phone on vibrate so I could get in touch with him. I gave birth 2 days later, and he was able to be there. So, in our case, they were very understanding and I am so thankful.

Has he checked with leadership to see if this is an option?

ajthedj · November 2011

I would say for him to go, my husband missed the birth of our first child due to deployment so I know how it feels to be alone so I don't say that lightly. If it could help his career then it could benefit the family more in the long run.....but it's your decision either way its tough.....good luck!

myllissann · November 2011

That is a really tough decision to make! Only you know what is best for your family and the future. Do you possibly hamper your husband's career so he can be present for a very important personal matter, or do you press on in hopes that he makes it back in time? So tough. My husband was TDY back to the US (we were in Korea) when I was pregnant. He got back at 37+ weeks and I gave birth at 40weeks, but had to go on bed rest to make that possible. I was having "pre-labor" (contractions without progress) and they didn't want it to go full blown labor, so I was put on bed rest until DH got home. Not delaying his school turned out to be a good decision for us with no consequences, but that may not be the case for you. Is there a chance that they may let your husband graduate a few days early in case you are progressing and looking to deliver early? I've seen that happen with some of my soldiers and the spouse has been able to leave early to be there for the birth. It may be worth looking into when the time comes. I would probably vote to push my luck if I were in your shoes. I'd most likely get a doula to help coach me in case my DH couldn't make it, and if he does make it, the doula will only help. That is totally not the best choice for everyone, so I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what will be best for you.

ACC0512 · November 2011

When we had Sophia, Cody was at a class until a week before I had her. And there were a few times while he was gone that I thought "oh crap, what if I have this baby and he isn't here" and I just knew that we'd make it work. If this is an important school to his career progression, that's really important. I, personally, would support him in going and just take it as easy as you possibly can while he's gone to try to keep that baby in!

ugh. DH was selected for a class, but...

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