recommendation for support forums for adult adoptees and families?

Re: recommendation for support forums for adult adoptees and families?

• hblack10 member

  November 2011

  I'm an adult adoptee. I lurk on the board just because I support these mommy's and daddy's so much.

   I'm so sorry his parents kept the information from him. I was lucky in that I always knew I was adopted. When I turned two, my mom and dad took me out to adopt a Cabbage Patch Doll so I could raise a baby, too. Infact, I still have her. Anyway, I'm not sure of any support groups. If you are members at a church or YMCA or something...they might have options. Another choice is a therapist - just so he can talk and know he's safe talking about it, you know? I really am sorry that he's having a hard time. That breaks my heart. Time would be the best healer at this point, I think. Time, patience, and your support.

  
  
  
  
  

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• Jermysgirl member

  November 2011

  In my experience (I know quite a few AAs), the ones who are happy and comfortable in their skins as adoptees aren't the ones talking about it.  It's a part of their lives, but not the main part, and it's just the way it is.  The ones who seem to talk about it are the ones who are unhappy.  I think it's unfortunate that the happy AAs don't talk about it more.  It would be awesome to hear more of that perspective!!

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• sabrina69barnes member

  November 2011

  I'm an adult adoptee and I've never really found a good fit for me online. The only ones I've seen online have been mostly older adults born in the 40's-70's when adoptions were done very differently and these adoptees are rightly very angry. My adoption was in the late 80's and while there was some dishonesty I don't share the same feelings a lot of the people on those groups do. I'm lucky to have 3 other friends around my age who are also adopted so we use each other for support when we need it.

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• PotomacSt member

  November 2011

  Thank you for the replies. It makes sense that the happy, well-adjusted adult adoptees are not the ones online talking about it.

  This came up because I'm pregnant with our first and we asked my parents-in-law for the medical history that DH knew they had but had never seen. He did not know that it also included a lot of personal details on the birthmother and her family, and the story surrounding his adoption. Previously, he knew nothing about her. Needless to say, the story wasn't a happy one. If he wants to deal with it by never speaking of it again, I'm OK with that. But the whole thing stirred up a lot of emotions in me that I need to sort through... probably moreso because I'm pregnant with a very wanted baby. But I can understand that I don't fit into adult adoptee communities, so I guess telling my diary will have to do
  

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• MarcyLT

  November 2011

  As an adult adoptee myself, I feel a little....strange....that you're having "feelings" about your husband's adoption. If he doesn't want to talk about it or explore it, that's his choice, and frankly, it's not your business. If I found out my husband was searching the internet for support related to my adoption, I'd be pretty ticked off. How does his adoption really have anything to do with you?

  Sorry if I sound harsh, it just rubs me the wrong way. As an adopted child, it's very important to me that others respect my wishes surrounding my biological parents and don't push me to do or say things I don't want to. This is his story, not yours.
  

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