Single Parents

manipulation re: visits

Hello,

Just a quick question about my xh and how he is trying to manipulate visits these days.   He gets 3 days off per week.  His visitation day is not set because he has diff days off each week.  He is entitled to 80-90 visits per months and takes 4-8 hours.  Other than that he is not really involved with dd.  

Each month he sees dd less and less.  She hasn't been to his house in 5 mths. This year he opted to not take her on thanksgiving.   He no longer calls her either.  

Now, the past few weeks he has been asking for visits when he knows dd and I have plans so I will say no. For example- he gets 3 days off, but he waits until 4pm of his second day off to even contact me.  Then he will ask for a visit at 4pm the next day.  So out of 3 full days off, he is offering 2 hours that work for him.  But the days he is asking for are days he knows we have plans.  For instance- asking for a visit at 4pm on friday- she has had gymnastics at this time for 6mths now.  He won't come to gymnastics.  I then offered him a visit in morning and he told me that was a "bs" time.  The next week he asked for a visit when we had tickets to a show that he knew about.  I offered him a visit afterwards and then when I texted him when we were on our way home he said he wasn't home, despite setting this visit up the previous day. Mind you she would have been available on any of his other days off.  Oh and he won't keep her past 6 pm bc he does not feed her since she has serious food allergies.  Or he has asked for visits during school (real school- she is in kindergarten, not like it's daycare thats optional!) 

So, it's like he purposely asks for a time that doesn't work so I say no and he gets off the hook but can blame someone else.   Or he waits until the last minute when he has nothing better to do.  He is manipulating the situation and trying to make me look like the bad guy.   He is now saying that I don't let him see her, it's my fault, he's the poor dad etc. I have documentation that says otherwise.   I know the truth but it still irritates me!  

What can I do besides documenting all of the offers I make and all of the time he declines?  I know I can't control rumors he spreads but I hate that he is making me out to be the bad guy to his family-- but why should I care about them anyways right?

Thanks :) 

Kirsten DD 4-7-06

Re: manipulation re: visits

  • Sounds like you hit the nail on the head with the manipulation stunts. Keep logging & like pp said, politely and firmly set the guidelines by sending him an email with the stipulations.

    I had to do this with my XH as well. He thought he could miss a visit and make it up whenever he felt like it. Nope-I'll be flexible, but I'm not canceling my plans & I'm not allowing him to make up a missed visit more than 2 months from the originally scheduled visit. If he can't find time in 2 months, I don't feel sorry for him. Esp. When he posts junk on FB about all the awesome stuff he does on the weekends (roll eyes here).

    You have custody. This would be an instance where I would take the reigns & tell him what is and is not acceptable. Sorry you're having to deal with a man child! 

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