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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
terrified of D&C ,but Scared to miscarry Natural
We just found out on Wed. that our 9wk baby had no heartbeat. I saw the heartbeat flickering just 2 weeks prior, so of course I was in shock and disbelief & asked the doctor if he could check again in 1 week. With saddened eyes he agreed but gave no hope. After 2 days of processing and comparing the u/s photos of this baby to the u/s photos of my son at exactly the same 9wks1day, it is obvious that this baby has not developed enough and is indeed not living. I must now choose whether to have a d&c or miscarry naturally. The doctor gave me the option and I have absolutely no idea what I want or need to do. Hospitals terrify me,and I have never had anesthesia before. I have read that the procedure can be fairly quick and not too painful and I have no idea how painful it would be to miscarry naturally or how much time it would take for this to happen. Can someone PLEASE share your experience with me. I really need to make a decision by Mon so that I can call the doctor when the office opens. By the way, even though we are heartbroken, I praise God for giving this 42 yr old a 3rd opportunity to experience the hopefulness & expectancy of Life. I wouldn't trade the past 8 weeks for anything, and for that I am Thankful. I explained to my children that we now have a most precious gift waiting for us in Heaven this Christmas season, a real Angel Baby for all eternity...
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Re: terrified of D&C ,but Scared to miscarry Natural
Oh my. I am so so sorry.
I just lost my first child in a miscarriage on Tuesday. So we are walking this journey together. I miscarried my child naturally. I can't tell you what's right or wrong for you. Only my reasons for my choices.
A d&c carries some risks. Both of scarring and infection from the suction and scraping. That was one reason.
Another was that I wanted to bury my child. Not many hospitals will release the baby to you. They call it "biological waste" and dispose of it in ways I find disrespectful, especially if you believe the baby was a BABY and not an inhuman ball of cells.
I have a religious belief about when life begins and abortion. Even though I was pretty sure my baby was gone, if there was ANY chance he was still alive, I didn't want to take his life early. God chose me to carry this child for as long as He allowed, so that's what I made sure I did.
Any miscarriage is painful. And yes the bleeding will be there and be a reminder to you. But I wanted as minimal medical intervention as possible for the health of my body so I chose to miscarry naturally. Follow your heart as painful as this is.
I will be thinking of you.
I'm so sorry for your loss...
I was given 3 options for my missed miscarriage, wait it out, take Misoprostol (cytotec) to kickstart the process, or a D&C.
I originally chose a D&C but where I live you basically show up at the hospital and wait until there is space available in the operating room (its only a 15-20 min. procedure). I went in at 11am (note: no food/drink after midnight the night before) and waited until 9:30pm before I told them I couldn't wait any longer and was going home. They had given me a half dose of Misoprostol to help ripen my cervix before the surgery, but instead it gave me pretty bad cramps and I dealt with that all day without being allowed to take any pain medication.
When I got home from the hospital the first thing we did was order pizza. After eating that and laying on the couch with a heating pad to help my cramps I went to get up and felt a gush. I ran to the bathroom where basically everything just poured out of me...major clots and lots and lots of blood. When I think about it now, I wonder if I was bleeding too much but I never felt dizzy or like I was going to pass out. After putting on a super heavy duty pad I went to sleep. I woke up twice during the night with major gushes (bled through my pj's AND through a towel right to the mattress
until I got smart enough to put a huge black garbage bag down). I had cramping throughout the night but extra strength advil and my heating pad helped. The cramps were worse than period cramps but I was never doubled over in pain or anything.
The next morning I took a full dose of Misoprostol and that afternoon passed the sac. That part was painless. But cramping/light bleeding continued through the next 2 days. Its been exactly a week since my miscarriage and I still have spotting some days.
Only you can decide what the best option is, but in my experience using the misoprostol to help the process wasn't as scary or painful as what I thought it would be. You do see a lot of gross stuff in the toilet, especially the sac (which was about the size of a walnut), and some people don't want to see that. For me, it didn't bother me.
Good luck with choosing whats best for you!
DD born 3/23/2013; Baby #2 EDD 9/7/2015
Every person is different, and every story you hear will be different.
Some natural m/c's take days, some take weeks. It all depends on your body, and how long it takes to "figure it out".
I will tell you my story- I found out on 10/28 that my baby's heart was no longer beating. I was supposed to be 11w3d, but measured at 9w4d. We scheduled a D&C for the following Thursday. I started cramping and bleeding some on Tuesday and decided to go in and have it done on Wednesday. Personally, I did not want to go through it at home. I couldn't imagine passing the sac at home, considering that I was 9w+. The surgery was quick and I did not have a lot of pain. I didn't have a lot of bleeding, and only had 1 day that was remotely like a period. I think I did have a slight infection, but I was on mediciation and it took care of it without me even knowing about it.
Think about it, discuss with your partner, and make the decision that is best for YOU. Good luck.
BFP #1 9/1/11, EDD 5/15/12, Missed M/C at 9w4d, discovered at 11w3d, D&C 11/2/11
BFP #2 6/20/12, Baby Boy born 3/2/13
BFP #3 October 2016, EDD 6/11/17
I'm sure everyone's experiences are different, but I'll share mine with you anyway. I went to my 12 week appointment and found out the baby stopped growing at 8 wks. I was so distraught that I just wanted to get it over with, and we didn't think I'd miscarry naturally (since it had already been a few weeks) so I had them schedule me for a D&C the following week. The very next night, however, I was laying in bed watching tv with my DH and suddenly started feeling some cramps. Within what seemed like minutes, I had blood running down my legs
. The process lasted all night into the morning, and I won't lie- it wasn't a pleasant experience. The cramps weren't horrible, but it was the bleeding that made it so bad for me. I lost a ton of blood, to the point that I was so dizzy I couldn't even stand up or walk to the bathroom anymore so I had to lay in bed on a pile of towels to soak up the blood 
(in the end, I think I bled through three layers of towels plus the bed sheet plus my clothes of course). Eventually I felt really faint and thought I was going to lose consciousness. It was awful. I narrowly avoided a trip to the ER thanks to my DH who kept me well hydrated all night. For me personally, it was very scary but it doesn't mean it would be like that for you. It's been a week now and the bleeding has reduced to spotting. I'm going back for a second follow-up appointment on Tuesday to make sure all the tissue has passed and that I don't need a D&C. That's the other possible downside with miscarrying naturally. If all the tissue isn't passed, then you might still need a D&C anyway (due to the risk of infection, etc.). But there are also some risks associated with that procedure (even though they rarely happen, it's a possibility). I'm very sorry for your loss, and I wish you the best.
eta: I don't think I would have wanted to wait weeks for my body to miscarry on its own so if it hadn't happened naturally that soon after my appt, I would have gone ahead with the D&C (from my perspective, the quicker I could get it over with, the faster I could move on and start the healing process). If you do choose to miscarry at home, please make sure your DH or someone else is able to be there with you just in case your situation is like mine. If I had fainted and/or continued bleeding uncontrollably, it could have been dangerous for me if no one was around.
01.03.09 {MARRIED BIO}
Make a pregnancy ticker
I opted for the D&C...here's quick rundown of my story:
Went in for u/s at 10 weeks. No heartbeat...baby stopped growing at 6 1/2 weeks. We were crushed. We wanted to make sure, however, that our dates weren't off since my cycles were very irregular. We had one more u/s the next week, but unfortunately, there were no changes and still no heartbeat.
Since I was having no cramps, spotting, or bleeding, it was impossible to tell when I would miscarry naturally. The waiting would have been torture for me, and I think a natural miscarriage would have been difficult emotionally.
I went in for the D&C on Wednesday. I was very scared too...I've never had surgery or sedation before. The worst part was the pinch for the IV, but it wasn't too bad (and I hate needles!). After waiting for a little bit, they wheeled me into the room, gave me "happy juice" through the IV, and I was out like a light. I don't even remember falling asleep. When I woke up, it was all over, and I was in the recovery room. It took a little while to fully wake up, and I felt a little groggy, but I had no pain or cramps.
Looking back, I am glad I went with the D&C. It's been a couple of days, and my hubby and I are beginning to recover emotionally, and I've only had slight bleeding and cramping. It is such a tough situation to go through, and I totally empathize with you. Good luck with whatever decision you make, and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Hi - you've gotten a lot of feedback, but here's my story. I was 8+ weeks and started spotting about a week ago. Passed 2 big clots went to ER last fri night and got checked out told I had an SCH and to be on bed rest till bleeding stopped. Bed rest on Sat and Sun and Sun night started really bad cramps. At that point, still had dark brown spotting (no fresh blood). Took a tylenol extra strength went to sleep. Monday did not go to work. My mom came over and around noon I had severe cramps and did not know what to do with myself. It was terrible. Passed several more clots and then in the early evening passed everything (sac and huge clots). Went in the next day and OB confirmed m/c, said there was still tissue/blood in my uterus but said I could wait and not do a couretage (sp?) b/c my cervix was closed. If it was open she said she would have removed everything that was remaining.
It is now Fri and it has been about 4-5 days since the actual m/c occurred and I am still bleeding. I am going through about 2-3 pads a day. Unlike some of the other girls, I did not have huge amounts of bleeding - I think that is why it is lasting longer. The OB wants to see me on monday and see if everything has passed and what it all looks like - I am praying it has or she may recommend a couretage anyway. She said that the risk of infection was low but gave me a low dose antibiotic and I am taking it prophylactically anyway.
Here's why I am happy with how things worked out for me:
- No surgery/anesthesia: Like you, I have never been under and it scares me. I know some day it may be necessary, but I was happy I did not have to experience that.
- Less risk of complications: I do not have any children and this was my 1st preg. I am glad it happened naturally so I would not have to have any risks (although they are low) from the D&C that could affect my future fertility
- Painful but manageable: So while it was the worst pain I have ever felt, I haven't been through childbirth but I do have a strong pain tolerance. I managed to get through it with 2 tylenols (b/c I didn't know yet if I would m/c and did not want to take other meds). However, since you know you are you could take some vicodin (which my OB later prescribed - after the worst part of it). She said it is completely fine. I think it should be sufficient to manage the pain.
- Being a part of the process: For me, I accepted that this was the hand I was dealt and I did not mind being a part of the entire process - from the conception to the loss. Other people may feel differently and do not want to see the sac or other tissue, but for me it felt like it was the right and respectable thing to do for my body to let it take its own course and heal itself naturally. That may not be a consideration for you at all.
All that said, I am grateful that there is the option of D&Cs out there because that is definitely the right choice for some women. I am happy with my experience (as happy as one can be in this kind of case) because I felt that it was in my best interest, physically and emotionally. I got lucky too - my OB had said I could come in either monday or tuesday and I had opted to wait till tuesday. I am certain there was no heartbeat monday and that is when I miscarried at home - had I gone in to the OB she might have advised a D&C right then and there. So I think it was just fate and what was meant to be for me to go through this experience on my own at home. There is no right or wrong way in all of this. Hope that you choose the right path for you and that you heal quickly.
I had gone in for our 8 week appointment and found out our baby was measuring a week behind and had no heartbeat. I was given the option to wait it out and mc naturally, take medicine to induce mc or get a D&C. All had their pros and cons. A natural mc is, well, the most natural way to go and has the fewest risks of complications. The downside is that it can take days or weeks to complete, and there is the emotional trauma of passing the baby. Taking a pill to induce mc speeds up the process, but there's still the emotional issue of passing the baby, and sometimes you don't pass everything and can end up needing a D&C anyway. A D&C carries a small risk of creating scar tissue, but it's a very easy recovery, physically.
I immediately decided I didnt want to go the pill route, and my doctor said that while it was ultimately up to us, she recommended that the least. After much thinking, I decided I would give my body one week to mc naturally, but if it went beyond that I would get the D&C. My baby had already been dead for a week and I had no spotting or cramping. So far my body wasn't giving me any signs of letting go, but I needed to be able to let go emotionally so I could begin to move on. Well, I didn't mc naturally, so one week to the day that we were told our baby was gone, I got the D&C.
Physically, the procedure was a breeze. I had reservations about being put under too, but I went to sleep peacefully and immediately, and woke up with no pain and very little bleeding. I won't lie, I was VERY emotional waking up from surgery. I cried harder than I have in a long time. But it was a healing cry and came with it a sense of closure. Our baby was truly gone. It has been almost two weeks since my D&C and I am physically pain-free. Emotionally, I have good days and bad days, but I do feel like I'm beginning to heal and move on; something I don't think I could do ifi was still waiting to miscarry. I only tok two days off from work, and even those were more for emotional reasons than physical. Other than sleeping a lot the first day, you'd never know I had surgery. I am still bleeding a little, which is more annoying than anything. It's lighter than a period, and isn't as traumatic as seeing clots or my baby. That said, I do feel like this bleeding is sort of that one last thing hanging on and keeping me from truly moving on. It's just sort of a constant reminder, and that sucks. It is starting to lighten up, though, so hopefully it'll be over soon.
Sorry for the rambling response. I hope you come to a decision easily and are at peace with what you choose. Hugs to you.
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
You have good responses, so I will be brief. I had a D&C to remove residual tissue after I passed the sac naturally. My baby was developed to 8 weeks. The natural part of the miscarriage was very painful, but it was nothing that you cannot do. I would suggest that you get prescription pain medicine and take it at the onset of cramps. I failed to do this (oops!), but I survived! If I had it to do again, I would drug myself, though. It sounds like you have two other children, so you will know when the process starts. It feels, from what I have read (I have no living children) like the beginnings of labor but taken down in intensity. I had rhythmic contractions, like mini-labor. If you delivered two babies, you will be just fine physically. I had a lot of blood loss, but nothing traumatic or hemorrhaging like some of the girls on this board.
I too was terrified of the general anesthetic and surgery. In retrospect, that was a major area of my life where I didn't trust God to take care of me (I am NOT saying this is the case for you--that would be really rude. I am just sharing my personal issues). I was SO upset, but it was easy as pie physically. In and out. No grogginess or nausea. Only mild to moderate bleeding. I am sort of glad that that fear is removed from my life. Though, of course, I would rather not have been in that situation (goes without saying I hope!).
Thoughts and prayers that you can find peace with your decision. It is hard, and it is one that none of us should have to make. GL
Baby #3 is on the way! EDD 3/8/15
DD1--8/29/10
DD2--11/6/12
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm glad your faith is helping you through this very difficult time. This is such an awful decision you have to make. I've had 3 missed miscarriages and D&Cs for all 3. Since none of mine started naturally (the drs didn't find the heartbeats), the drs recommended D&Cs. For me, I felt I couldn't start healing emotionally or physically until the baby was out so the D&C was the quickest option. My first D&C had complications but the 2nd & 3rd went well and I had very little bleeding after the procedure. Having a quick surgery and putting it behind me helped me move forward. I think the waiting game of the natural m/c would have made me crazy but again, that's just me.
All the best with your decision today and thoughts and prayers to you.