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Two Under 2
bluejayway
member
Leaving DC1 overnight to give birth to DC2
bluejayway
member
in Two Under 2
I am due in February with my second baby. My daughter will be almost 18 months old, at this point, and I've never left her overnight. I am a SAHM, and though she doesn't really mind if I leave her for a few hours with grandma, DH, etc., I've only ever left for a few hours at a stretch.
I'm also currently still breastfeeding her before her daily nap and before bedtime (not for long, and more for comfort than for nourishment, but she goes to sleep better this way than any other way). I am hoping to fully wean her before the birth, but I'm taking it one day at a time. Even fully weaned, I'm sad that I will have to leave her for an extended period. The hospital I'm delivering at says a 24 hour stay is necessary, and that's on top of any time spent in L&D. With DD, I had an emergency c-section and was in the hospital for three nights. This thought terrifies me. I am afraid all I will be is stressed out and thinking about is going home to my first baby, and not even able to enjoy bonding with my new little bundle. Luckily, my mom lives only 40 mins away, and is planning to come stay with DD during it all. But still...
I'm just wondering how you handled being apart from your first DC while in labor with the second. The fact that she's still so young and can't understand what's going on is hard. How did it all go down for you? Any words of wisdom or comfort?
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Re: Leaving DC1 overnight to give birth to DC2
i really think it was harder for me than it was for her- my mom lived 15 minutes away, so we called in the middle of the night and was gone for that day and part of the next. Honestly it was fine. I also am a sahm and had only left her for hours at a time, but she really had fun w/ her gma time.
DD1 was about 19 months when DD2 was born. I was induced, so we could plan ahead for my parents to come stay with DD1. A few weeks before that, they came down for a "trial run" and DH and I spent a night away - the first since she was born. She did fantastic, and was also great while I was in the hospital (checked in Friday night, came home Monday afternoon). She had a fun visit with her grandparents both times, and was happy to see me when I got home. She also visited in the hospital. I was so happy to see her, and she loved her new baby sister right away
Some tips - even though my parents know DD1 well, I still made a point of writing out a schedule/notes about what to feed her/how to comfort her/med instructions, etc. I'm a planner and an over-thinker
so I just tried to leave notes to cover the most likely scenarios they'd encounter. Also, I think them staying with her at our house helped. We kept her in her routine and in her comfort zone.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I'm worried about it too but I have to put faith in the idea that my DD will do just fine once I'm away. I'm still BFing her and full term. I know she doesn't really think about BFing unless I'm around so that doesn't really bother me (much). The only time I really worry about it when she wakes up in the morning looking for me. She's in a big girl bed (17 months now) and comes in my room in the morning for me. I'm afraid she'll freak out when Grammy is there and I'm not. I just have to put that aside.
I'll let you know how it goes in a couple of weeks. EEK!
I am in the SAME exact boat except due any day!! I can't tell you how many times I've cried over the thought of leaving her and being away from her. She will stay with my parents whom she loves and who will take great care of her but in the end, no one is me. I worry about the morning wake up, I worry about bedtime, I worry because she now has an upper respiratory infection and just isn't herself. Actually, I'm worried about everything yet somehow think I will be worse off than her. There's a part of me that wonders if she'll miss me because at this age (20 months) it seems if you are out of sight, you may be out of mind. I am so anxious and am stressed out all the time and sadly it has sucked away some of the happiness of this birth. I am trying to calmly tell myself to let it go and that all will be well but hard to do!! Good luck, I'll let you know how it goes.
It was hard to be away from DD. I missed her a lot. But DH and I had a long talk about how incredibly important it was for the two of us to bond with our new baby and enjoy our first night in the same way we enjoyed our first baby. It is hard to imagine now, but you will love your second baby with the same passion that you love your first. And you will WANT to spend time with them alone, counting their toes, looking into their eyes, memorizing their face...
We just made a decision to let go and have peace that our older child (who was 16 months) would be FINE for a little bit of time. And she was. I am so glad we didn't rush out of the hospital the moment DS was born because of DD. It wouldn't have been fair to him. It was really nice for that first night to be the three of us.
(I gave birth at about noon on one day and was discharged at about 6pm the next day)
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
Thanks all, this is really encouraging. We left DD with my mom yesterday and she went down for her nap without ANY issues. I was so surprised, as when she is with me, I cannot get her down without a little bit of BFing.
We were back before bedtime, but hopefully in the next couple of months we can do a trial run of overnight. GL to all you mamas close to delivering number 2.
This is so true!
Totally agree with what everyone else has said too. Before having DS, the longest I had been away from DD was two nights. I had a c-section, so I was in the hospital for 4 nights. My mom came to our house and stayed with her. She came to visit twice and did great the whole 4 days!
I would definitely do a trial weekend away. First, so you feel better about it and second, because it'll be good for you and DH to have a weekend together before you have two kids!
DD february 2010 | DS october 2011
*please excuse my typos, bumping from my iphone*
Not sure what we will do either...
Never been away from DS for even one night and we are moving back to the States in a few weeks, so we will be near my family, but they are all strangers to him at this point. We are hoping my aunt or sister will be able to stay with him during the actual labor (for various reasons, we cannot leave DS with anyone else in my family)and then DH will have to go home to be with him I think and I'll be in the hospital alone.
I dreaded the night I would have to leave DD at 19 months. I had DH with me all through labor, delivery & bonding while DD was with my Mom & then I sent him home for bedtime with DD. Honestly, I slept more with him at home with DD while I was at the hospital. After they woke up and he got her breakfast, my mom stayed with her again while DH came to hangout with us & did the same thing that night. I honestly don't think she missed me much. He said she asked about me twice & then ran off to play with her grandma.
I think it is best to keep them in their own home & keep their routine as normal as possible. If your DH doesn't want to leave you at the hospital all night, maybe he can just go home at bedtime to put her to sleep & then go back to be with you.
Good Luck