Back again...for a not-so-happy Thanksgiving

Ziegeficker · November 2011

Well, I miscarried for a second time yesterday...

I don't even know what to say. My husband and I actually stopped trying so that we could enjoy some cocktails over the holidays (what can I say, family stress kinda demands them), but on a weird hunch, I took a test last weekend and got a positive. I didn't tell my husband, I didn't tell anybody...I guess I was scared to disappoint everyone after what we went through this summer with our first miscarriage. I was thrilled after I saw the test, but I was terrified because I hadn't been taking the best care of myself, had been drinking, and knew that if I miscarried this time, it would be all my fault.

I miscarried at 5 weeks exactly on Thanksgiving day. I wasn't far along, and I'm thankful for that. Last time, I miscarried at 10 weeks and had names picked out, a room painted, it was devastating. I prayed when I saw that positive that, if this wasn't meant to be, that it pass quickly; but of course, I prayed that it would stick. A weird thing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving is that I at least miscarried very early.

But that's the weird thing about miscarriages, isn't it? Once you have one, you look at positive pregnancy tests a little differently. It's strange. I'm sad that my only experience with pregnancy has been that of fear, depression, and disappointment. And I'm confused as to how I should feel about this one...since nobody knew, it didn't feel real...but it was real. I wish I had never taken that pregnancy test on a hunch so that I could at least just pretend my period was three days late.

Laurakat81 · November 2011

I'm so sorry. I wish this hadn't happened to you once, let alone twice. For what its worth, I really think you should confide in your husband about this. He wouldn't want you to go through this alone. (((hugs)))

HopingforChange · November 2011

Laurakat81:
I'm so sorry. I wish this hadn't happened to you once, let alone twice. For what its worth, I really think you should confide in your husband about this. He wouldn't want you to go through this alone. (((hugs)))

I agree completely. Also, no matter what you were doing before you got pregnant, it is NOT your fault. I know lots of girls who drank themselves obliterated while KU and not knowing it. They have perfectly healthy babies. You should share this with your husband and your OB. Maybe, since this is your second loss, some testing would be helpful. Early or not, this is a real loss, and the pain you are feeling deserves recognition. Hang in there, and share with the people who can support you. And, one more time--not your fault. ((hugs))

lgmom2010 · November 2011

I'm so sorry...what a sh!tty day....if it were me, I would need to tell people...I would esp tell your DH. While you weren't far along, you still lost a baby, and I'm sure you will need to grieve in some way. You shouldn't have to do it alone. I'm so sorry for your losses (hugs) to you

Ziegeficker · November 2011

Thank you for your kind words of support, everyone. I did end up telling my husband, though it was so hard. I immediately regretted it right after the words came out of my mouth, but after a while, I realized I did the right thing. I was so scared that he would blame me for the loss (even though I have no reason to believe he would do that -- just projecting, I guess), but he has been very supportive. And you were right, I did need someone to know and someone to lean on. Because, as the days are passing, I'm realizing that I'm much sadder than I thought I'd be, and this time around, nobody knows, so I can't talk about it.

Thanks again for listening.

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