How do you answer "when will you have more"?

noah-bear · November 2011

We're getting it a lot more now that DS is closing in on two. Most family know about the losses, but some have still asked. It's exhausting and painful to answer. Even DH is getting asked at work, and he says it's starting to hurt him even. He isn't even that sensitive.

littlemaybaby · November 2011

My SIL actually texted me the day I passed the baby last week and said, "Yall need to get hoppin on number 2." THE DAY I PASSED THE BABY. I seriously lost it.

We have been keeping our TTC struggles from family and I am going to be *that* person who ruins Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Because I refuse to effing sit there and struggle through the pain of a miscarriage that isn't even a week behind me with a smile on my face and answer that d*mn question with a evasive non-committal answer. So I am going to tell my family everything tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

As for how we answer that question to non-family, quite honestly we just lie. We just say, "Oh, we haven't really thought about it yet" and change the subject.

KristenE1213 · November 2011

I'm actually totally honest when people ask because I think they need to know it is a sensitive question. I would never ask someone about plans to have children. I saw someone today I hadn't seen in several month and she said "Aww, I thought you were going to surprise me with a big belly! When are you going to have another one??" After I say I've been trying for a year and a half, the conversation is quickly over.

noah-bear · November 2011

littlemaybaby:
My SIL actually texted me the day I passed the baby last week and said, "Yall need to get hoppin on number 2." THE DAY I PASSED THE BABY. I seriously lost it.
We have been keeping our TTC struggles from family and I am going to be *that* person who ruins Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Because I refuse to effing sit there and struggle through the pain of a miscarriage that isn't even a week behind me with a smile on my face and answer that d*mn question with a evasive non-committal answer. So I am going to tell my family everything tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
As for how we answer that question to non-family, quite honestly we just lie. We just say, "Oh, we haven't really thought about it yet" and change the subject.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can understand the difficulty of holidays (passed my first LO on Xmas eve). I hope that tomorrow goes as well as it can. At least there's always comfort food to help some....and alcohol (if you drink)

littlemaybaby · November 2011

noah-bear:
littlemaybaby:
My SIL actually texted me the day I passed the baby last week and said, "Yall need to get hoppin on number 2." THE DAY I PASSED THE BABY. I seriously lost it.
We have been keeping our TTC struggles from family and I am going to be *that* person who ruins Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Because I refuse to effing sit there and struggle through the pain of a miscarriage that isn't even a week behind me with a smile on my face and answer that d*mn question with a evasive non-committal answer. So I am going to tell my family everything tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
As for how we answer that question to non-family, quite honestly we just lie. We just say, "Oh, we haven't really thought about it yet" and change the subject.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can understand the difficulty of holidays (passed my first LO on Xmas eve). I hope that tomorrow goes as well as it can. At least there's always comfort food to help some....and alcohol (if you drink)

If I don't have alcohol tomorrow it will only be because I may polish it off tonight!

KelliLynee · November 2011

I've got a good answer... "Oh, I wish I could see the future." It's hints that we want more & that things may not going as planned, but doesn't share anything specific. This is my stock answer for well-meaning (and not rude) acquaintances. For closer friends I may just tell them (depends on my mood) and for rude people I just say "Well that's a pretty personal question.")

GypsyEsq · November 2011

I tend to just stare at the asker. No response. Stony silence. Uncomfortable as hell but frankly they deserve it. Close friends, family I want to know - they already know. So this is reserved for strangers, more extended family, and slightly thoughtless friends who just need to learn better.

noah-bear · November 2011

littlemaybaby:
noah-bear:

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can understand the difficulty of holidays (passed my first LO on Xmas eve). I hope that tomorrow goes as well as it can. At least there's always comfort food to help some....and alcohol (if you drink)
If I don't have alcohol tomorrow it will only be because I may polish it off tonight!

Haha, nice. Have a good gulp for me!

KristenE1213 · November 2011

KelliLynee:
I've got a good answer... "Oh, I wish I could see the future." It's hints that we want more & that things may not going as planned, but doesn't share anything specific. This is my stock answer for well-meaning (and not rude) acquaintances. For closer friends I may just tell them (depends on my mood) and for rude people I just say "Well that's a pretty personal question.")

Oh I like that one! Maybe I'll switch to that answer.

MaybeMore · November 2011

"When they all stop dying." That always shuts them up.

notkateanymore · November 2011

I usually answer with a really smart a$$ remark...

byrne15 · November 2011

I straight out say..."I have no idea, I'm infertile".

Then they are so uncomfortable they never ask another question.

MommyRoboto11 · November 2011

We haven't really told alot of people..

The few we have told know that we have been trying for awhile now...

His SIL has been constantly saying things like, "you should have another baby", "When are you going to have another one", "Don't wait to long"

She of course is on her third kid... she has a 9 months old and is 7 months pg...

i just wana slap her sometimes cuz it makes me mad that she's popping out kids left and right... and she doesnt even take care of them, the grandma literally...not exaggerating literally raises her kids.... i would love to have another baby that i could raise on my own....

i just lie and say "oh idk we havent thought about it"

but im thinking we should just tell her to shut her up already

choirgirl · November 2011

I just say, "we've been trying for a year and a half," and if that doesn't change how they are looking at me, I add, "and we've been through assisted reproductive technology throughout it all, so it's not looking good."

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